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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 475825" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p><span style="font-size: 10px">As usual, I completely agree with Kiesta. now...</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Hi there and welcome. I am so glad you found this board. It is full of very caring and experienced people. Please check frequently as you know from lurking, there are people here who post freqently and will be able to support you pretty quickly even if not in the exact situation. i agree, I like so many people here, and we have never met in real life. It is a wonderful thing. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">So, I am sorry for the heartbreak. I have a very different situation but my god daughter/niece just started sneaking out of the house and we are finding out where/what etc. For her so far, more typical teen rebellion but it is very scary and she too has now had her bedroom moved, we have weather covered all windows so she can't cover up her tracks etc. Very scary stuff.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">I <em>can</em> speak from my own teen/college years. I did not rebel that way, but I did have an eating disorder (and many Eat. Dis. people I was in treatment with cut) and know about hiding and fessing up such embarassing things. Things I was sure I would be rejected for, and that I just "read" off like it was someone elses life. I will say..... though it was NOT my parents fault..... one thing that my dad did in particular that made a huge difference to me...was to apologize. (again, it was not his fault, but we all have made mistakes here and there...) We argued alot. He did hit (smack not bruise beating kinds but still not ok) me a couple of times (like for washing my hair upstairs in the kitchen which was what we all did but that day he didn't want me to and I smarted off and refused to obey) We had some ugly verbal fights for a year or so. However, we had a good foundation (and it sounds like under this all you guys do too--prior to all of this). I am not saying you need to apologize and that would magically make things better. For sure! I am just saying that in a therapy situation, when we were talking about issues, there were things he did say sorry for and not be defensive about and it disarmed me. I couldn't argue anymore. Bottom line, it made me feel really heard by him. Trying to give you some insight into how one might be thinking or feeling when so messed up.... thoughts, feelings and behaviors are twisted when depressed. Nothing feels the same, no hope, etc. I was molested by a neighbor and was forced to be cared for by this family up until I was in second grade. I was too scared to tell my family. Kids are great at hiding the true story. It took me till adulthood to fess up. You may not be able to tell IF there is something. No doubt she is hurting and if she is using drugs (folks here will be able to share how that changes the game) I suspect you are not really dealing with your little halfpint. </span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">You are definately not alone. You have a right to have all of the feelings you have and you do not need to be ashamed at all. It is a huge relief to be able to tell the honest truth here about how my son hits me etc. when I have to soften it for my family. I understand that feeling. Please talk to yourself like you would talk to any of us...as a friend. You deserve understanding and compassion.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">I hope you can increase services for her and can find support for yourself. Is it alateen or alanon for families with kids who have these issues? haven't had to do it. I have had to do some tough love (for different issues) like taking door knobs off doors, no locks, alarms on doors, etc.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 10px">Glad to get to know you, Buddy </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 475825, member: 12886"] [SIZE=2]As usual, I completely agree with Kiesta. now... Hi there and welcome. I am so glad you found this board. It is full of very caring and experienced people. Please check frequently as you know from lurking, there are people here who post freqently and will be able to support you pretty quickly even if not in the exact situation. i agree, I like so many people here, and we have never met in real life. It is a wonderful thing. So, I am sorry for the heartbreak. I have a very different situation but my god daughter/niece just started sneaking out of the house and we are finding out where/what etc. For her so far, more typical teen rebellion but it is very scary and she too has now had her bedroom moved, we have weather covered all windows so she can't cover up her tracks etc. Very scary stuff. I [I]can[/I] speak from my own teen/college years. I did not rebel that way, but I did have an eating disorder (and many Eat. Dis. people I was in treatment with cut) and know about hiding and fessing up such embarassing things. Things I was sure I would be rejected for, and that I just "read" off like it was someone elses life. I will say..... though it was NOT my parents fault..... one thing that my dad did in particular that made a huge difference to me...was to apologize. (again, it was not his fault, but we all have made mistakes here and there...) We argued alot. He did hit (smack not bruise beating kinds but still not ok) me a couple of times (like for washing my hair upstairs in the kitchen which was what we all did but that day he didn't want me to and I smarted off and refused to obey) We had some ugly verbal fights for a year or so. However, we had a good foundation (and it sounds like under this all you guys do too--prior to all of this). I am not saying you need to apologize and that would magically make things better. For sure! I am just saying that in a therapy situation, when we were talking about issues, there were things he did say sorry for and not be defensive about and it disarmed me. I couldn't argue anymore. Bottom line, it made me feel really heard by him. Trying to give you some insight into how one might be thinking or feeling when so messed up.... thoughts, feelings and behaviors are twisted when depressed. Nothing feels the same, no hope, etc. I was molested by a neighbor and was forced to be cared for by this family up until I was in second grade. I was too scared to tell my family. Kids are great at hiding the true story. It took me till adulthood to fess up. You may not be able to tell IF there is something. No doubt she is hurting and if she is using drugs (folks here will be able to share how that changes the game) I suspect you are not really dealing with your little halfpint. You are definately not alone. You have a right to have all of the feelings you have and you do not need to be ashamed at all. It is a huge relief to be able to tell the honest truth here about how my son hits me etc. when I have to soften it for my family. I understand that feeling. Please talk to yourself like you would talk to any of us...as a friend. You deserve understanding and compassion. I hope you can increase services for her and can find support for yourself. Is it alateen or alanon for families with kids who have these issues? haven't had to do it. I have had to do some tough love (for different issues) like taking door knobs off doors, no locks, alarms on doors, etc. Glad to get to know you, Buddy [/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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