Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 2tired2argue, Jan 11, 2009.

  1. 2tired2argue

    2tired2argue New Member

    Hi there - I am new here and so glad I found a place where I don't feel alone.
    I love being a mom to my two kids, but some days the blessings seem so far away and the minute to minute survival seems sooo exausting.
    After raising a bio girl difficult child 1, we chose to adopt male difficult child 2 at age 5, when she was 8.
    After as much as we thought we had experience (ha,ha) prepared and ready.....boy were we kidding ourselves.
    I guess I had forgotten how hard it was to deal with the violence. difficult child 2 has not been with us very long and we have a big job ahead of us.
    We also did not expect GFG1s behaviors that had been under control to resurface with the new addition - how I did not expect that I do not know
    So anyway - it is a crazy life here, I look forward to having a place to come to share and get support.
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Welcome. You have found a place where you can find others just like you facing the same issues you face.
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome. I'm glad you found us.

    You sure have a lot on your plate. I hope you are taking some "me" time away from all the chaos caused by your difficult children.

    Let us know if you have any particular questions or concerns that we can help you with. There's generally someone lurking about to offer some advice.

    Again, welcome.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Glad you found our little corner of the world but sorry you had to. This really is a good place for support. Living with the violence is horrible. As sw said be sure you are getting some "me" time and taking care of you. Hugs.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome to the board.
    Son sounds very challenging (I've adopted four kids, but none with that many challenges). Do you have him in interventions? Who diagnosed him? Do you know anything about his birthfamily?
  6. 2tired2argue

    2tired2argue New Member

    Son's history - fetal meth and alcohol exposure, blunt head trauma at 12 months, physical abuse, neglect, and malnutrition. Adopted by us at age 5, has not been with us long (2months)
    Birthparents history include paranoid Schizophrenia, drug addiction, and alcoholism.
    He is in public school with his own full-time aide. Has PT, Occupational Therapist (OT), and Speech. He does visit his regular kindergarten class during the day, but he can become overwhelmed easily and he starts talking to himself.
    PsychMD wants to start phasing in Abilify next month.
    He is worth it - has the sweetest smile and laugh.
    A lot of the agression seems to come from the PTSD - he has a trigger then just falls apart.
    The Risperdal has been a miracle for us.
    difficult child 1 - has had to start Peri-Actin for sleep due to her anxiety from difficult child 2.
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Hi and welcome!! You have found a great place, and aren't alone. This place has helped me so very much, words cannot even describe! How great of you to adopt and make him a part of your family and come here for support. People that give a home to a deserving child is an amazing thing. Looking forward to seeing you on the boards.

    Welcome again!!
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    (((Hugs))) you've got your hands full. If he has fetal alcohol effects, then he has organic brain damage and will need very close supervision. Are you seeing anybody for him who understands this problem? We went to a great clinic in Chicago--it is renowned across the country--to see if my son had issues related to alcohol exposure in utero (we adopted him at two and his birthmom did it all while she was pregnant too). If you are interested in where it is, send me a PM and I'll give you the name. We aren't allowed to post names on the forum.
  9. 4timmy

    4timmy New Member

  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Here's a cup of tea.

    What a wonderful mom you are. He has a boatload of problems. I'm glad you seem on top of it with-the diagnosis and medications.

    I don't know how to deal with-it on a constant basis, either. We seem to have gotten past the violent stage and are just in the anger stage now. :)

    I need lots of breaks, all day long.

    Glad you found us!
  11. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    I don't have any advice to give but wanted to say Hi and Welcome!
  12. nuone

    nuone New Member

    Hi Newbie
    Interesting thread for me - also fairly new here - and have a 16 yr adopted difficult child. It was never diagnosed during all his assessments but I strongly suspect that his birthmother was abusing alcohol and possible other substances whilst pregnant. Got him at 1 day old and went through hell with him for some time - this was what I was sure was withdrawal symptoms (only in hindsight of course). He used to scream and scream non-stop, to the extent that friends would not come around, and we were asked to "please take him home" on occasion. Later as he got a little older, he would grab handfuls of skin on my face and just pull and hold on and scream. Another thing that made me suspect is that when around anyone that was having any form of alcohol, he would grab the glass and try and drink it. A lot of kids do like the "taste" of beer, but this was more a gulping action. I did bring this up with psyche doctors later on but they did not seem to focus on it too much. He has always loved medicines and does have an addictive personality. Of course was doing the drinking and drug thing as he got older too. Has been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and Conduct Disorder. But that is another issue altogether, although I am sure that his beginnings did contribute largely, along with what we think are hereditory behaviours. Yes, I agree with earlier post that we think we are prepared for taking on these children, and then whoopsy, life takes us on a different roller-coaster ride.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Nuone, wow, very interesting and so sad about your son. It's amazing how we can all armchair quarterback after we have the information in hand. His behaviors must have been totally baffling and alarming at the time.

    Nuone, hang in there. Keep us posted.
  14. Chubbysanta

    Chubbysanta Sad Dad

    Welcome I am also new here my son has some of the same diagnoses as you difficult child 2 so welcome
  15. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member


    What a blessing you are to difficult child 2 (and to difficult child 1 as well)!

    We have been through violent phases off and on, so I understand the toll it takes on you.

    Many hugs!
  16. nuone

    nuone New Member

    "He is worth it - has the sweetest smile and laugh"

    That surely made my heart sing. Never lose sight of this and make it your reason to persevere no matter what. There were many times that I wanted to throw in the towel and yet that "special something" about difficult child kept me going to where we are now. It is a really hard, difficult and often lonely road, but when all is said and done, they need us to get them through as well whatever it takes (and that is not always what we would hope or enjoy). Nobody said it would be easy, but they did say it would be worth it! Think you are a really special person too. Hugs all round.