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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 317558" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It sounds to me that you could be right about the doctor. </p><p></p><p>As for the dad of those kids - at least he was honest about his feelings. You do need to know how people feel, it is better than to have people say one thing to your face and the nasty stuff to each other behind your back. But it does hurt.</p><p></p><p>If your relationship is a same-sex one, then it still doesn't excuse the behaviour of kids at school (if they really did say this - are you sure it's not just your son finding a way to say what HE feels about your relationship?)</p><p></p><p>If your relationship is NOT a same-sex one, then again, it was inappropriate for anyone to use it to hassle your son (again, if this is what happened).</p><p></p><p>As far as people on this site are concerned, you wouldn't be the only same-sex couple and the main concern here is the kids, not the rest of the family dynamic. The trouble is, ANY variation from what some people consider to be acceptable, often gets the blame inappropriately.</p><p></p><p>If you are certain that your son wouldn't have made it up, then I ask you to think - WHY are you so certain? Because if you feel you can be so sure, then I would be thinking that your son needs to be assessed for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. An inability to lie convincingly is a common finding in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Not tat they can't lie, but generally they're so bad at it that they get caught. Eventually they learn that truth is much easier, less complicated.</p><p></p><p>ODD rarely exists on its own. Of course, it is a label that is handed out based on parental information rather than observation of the child. Increasingly I believe that a lot of ODD labels are handed out when all that is needed is to look a bit deeper into the possibility of an underlying disorder.</p><p></p><p>So, a couple of references for you - get your hands on "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Whatever the problem with your son, this book gives you a different way of looking at him which can lead to a more effective, and easier, way of handling him.</p><p></p><p>And second - go to <a href="http://www.childbrain.com" target="_blank">www.childbrain.com</a> and look for their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. You can't use it officially to dignose but you can print out the result and show it to a COMPETENT doctor. A number of clues in your post make me think that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is certainly worth checking out. And I know from my own experience just how difficult and apparently rude and insolent a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child can be.</p><p></p><p>If I am right, and this IS a case of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form (Asperger's, autism, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified) then he's not choosing to be rude or insolent. He just doesn't know any better, despite all the careful teaching. These kids may know intelelctually, but cna't put it into practice.</p><p></p><p>Example - difficult child 3 judges everybody else in the world, and I mean EVERYBODY, as if they have exactly the same brain and capabilities as him. Even as if they have access to the same information, the same thoughts, the same experiences. He will talk to a six month old baby in the same way he would talk to a classmate or talk to a teacher. Or anybody he meets, whether he knows them or not. He also has partial face blindness, which is far less obvious than you might think, and also far more common. He recognises people from their voices. With some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids who also have face blindness (aka prosopagnosia), they avoid eye contact because it distracts them from listening to someone's voice for clues to their identity. difficult child 3 doesn't avoid eye contact, he's always made good eye contact evan as a baby. He's also very outgoing, not at all withdrawn (athough he has become more withdrawn as he gets older, he is realising that he needs to take his time getting to know people and also give them time to get used to him).</p><p></p><p>A classic equality response (as I call them) will seem VERY disrespectful. But if you react and pounce on the child for disrespect, it will trigger a very bad reaction because to the child, he is not being disrespectful at all, he is simply treating you the way you have treated him. So you can see that with such a child, if you handle him with a classic "Because I said so, that's why," you are setting yourself up to receive the same stuff back from him.</p><p></p><p>Your manner to him models how he will behave back to you. The smarter kids will modify this to give different people different responses according Occupational Therapist (OT) how that person treats him. So if he has a teacher who is kind and gentle with him, he will be kind and gentle to that teacher (mostly). But if there is someone in his life who is scolding or harsh with him, that is how he will respond to that person.</p><p></p><p>An example from my own family - easy child 2/difficult child 2 when she was about 2 or 3 years old. She asked me for a drink of juice but in my opinion she had already had enough, and I felt she should have water instead. Her reaction was to stand there with her hands on her hips and say loudly, "I told you I wanted JUICE! What's the matter with you? Why don't you pay attention!?"</p><p></p><p>OK, some people might think it's funny in a 2 year old. Maybe the first time. But she got very difficult, raising her was harrowing.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the site. Sorry you need us but glad we're here.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 317558, member: 1991"] It sounds to me that you could be right about the doctor. As for the dad of those kids - at least he was honest about his feelings. You do need to know how people feel, it is better than to have people say one thing to your face and the nasty stuff to each other behind your back. But it does hurt. If your relationship is a same-sex one, then it still doesn't excuse the behaviour of kids at school (if they really did say this - are you sure it's not just your son finding a way to say what HE feels about your relationship?) If your relationship is NOT a same-sex one, then again, it was inappropriate for anyone to use it to hassle your son (again, if this is what happened). As far as people on this site are concerned, you wouldn't be the only same-sex couple and the main concern here is the kids, not the rest of the family dynamic. The trouble is, ANY variation from what some people consider to be acceptable, often gets the blame inappropriately. If you are certain that your son wouldn't have made it up, then I ask you to think - WHY are you so certain? Because if you feel you can be so sure, then I would be thinking that your son needs to be assessed for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form. An inability to lie convincingly is a common finding in Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Not tat they can't lie, but generally they're so bad at it that they get caught. Eventually they learn that truth is much easier, less complicated. ODD rarely exists on its own. Of course, it is a label that is handed out based on parental information rather than observation of the child. Increasingly I believe that a lot of ODD labels are handed out when all that is needed is to look a bit deeper into the possibility of an underlying disorder. So, a couple of references for you - get your hands on "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Whatever the problem with your son, this book gives you a different way of looking at him which can lead to a more effective, and easier, way of handling him. And second - go to [url]www.childbrain.com[/url] and look for their Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire. You can't use it officially to dignose but you can print out the result and show it to a COMPETENT doctor. A number of clues in your post make me think that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) is certainly worth checking out. And I know from my own experience just how difficult and apparently rude and insolent a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) child can be. If I am right, and this IS a case of Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form (Asperger's, autism, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) not otherwise specified) then he's not choosing to be rude or insolent. He just doesn't know any better, despite all the careful teaching. These kids may know intelelctually, but cna't put it into practice. Example - difficult child 3 judges everybody else in the world, and I mean EVERYBODY, as if they have exactly the same brain and capabilities as him. Even as if they have access to the same information, the same thoughts, the same experiences. He will talk to a six month old baby in the same way he would talk to a classmate or talk to a teacher. Or anybody he meets, whether he knows them or not. He also has partial face blindness, which is far less obvious than you might think, and also far more common. He recognises people from their voices. With some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids who also have face blindness (aka prosopagnosia), they avoid eye contact because it distracts them from listening to someone's voice for clues to their identity. difficult child 3 doesn't avoid eye contact, he's always made good eye contact evan as a baby. He's also very outgoing, not at all withdrawn (athough he has become more withdrawn as he gets older, he is realising that he needs to take his time getting to know people and also give them time to get used to him). A classic equality response (as I call them) will seem VERY disrespectful. But if you react and pounce on the child for disrespect, it will trigger a very bad reaction because to the child, he is not being disrespectful at all, he is simply treating you the way you have treated him. So you can see that with such a child, if you handle him with a classic "Because I said so, that's why," you are setting yourself up to receive the same stuff back from him. Your manner to him models how he will behave back to you. The smarter kids will modify this to give different people different responses according Occupational Therapist (OT) how that person treats him. So if he has a teacher who is kind and gentle with him, he will be kind and gentle to that teacher (mostly). But if there is someone in his life who is scolding or harsh with him, that is how he will respond to that person. An example from my own family - easy child 2/difficult child 2 when she was about 2 or 3 years old. She asked me for a drink of juice but in my opinion she had already had enough, and I felt she should have water instead. Her reaction was to stand there with her hands on her hips and say loudly, "I told you I wanted JUICE! What's the matter with you? Why don't you pay attention!?" OK, some people might think it's funny in a 2 year old. Maybe the first time. But she got very difficult, raising her was harrowing. Welcome to the site. Sorry you need us but glad we're here. Marg [/QUOTE]
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