Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
newbie
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="helpme" data-source="post: 347048" data-attributes="member: 8202"><p>I too have suffered the rules versus no rules situation.</p><p>It is tremendously difficult on all of the adults and children </p><p>involved. I so totally understand.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure really how to explain this, but it may help</p><p>someday. Please remember that there is a ton of "phases"</p><p>we go through dealing with difficult children. We are mad, we are</p><p>frustrated, we are guilty, we are remorseful, we grieve,</p><p>and on and on the roller coaster ride goes. This I can promise you,</p><p>that sooner or later, the adults do change their "emotion".</p><p>My STBX is took years to get through the denial phase.</p><p>He is now in the what the hell have I done phase. Personally, </p><p>since I have other children with him, I first most am a mother. </p><p>My role as a parent has always come first. So I am there to </p><p>teach/train and then have my emotions. I am fully detached, but I am also struggling</p><p>with "hiding" my blame against STBX for allowing and enabling</p><p>difficult child to behave as he did, or permitting him to get into so much</p><p>trouble. I know that it would not be good for difficult child to manipulate</p><p>me because he suddenly realized I think or he thinks his father </p><p>is a X, Y, or Z. difficult child needs to learn accountability and responsibility, </p><p>and he won't learn that if I let him see how much his father has </p><p>ruined his potential. The kid really could and still can go somewhere</p><p>in life.....but he's gotta figure it out himself, unfortunately.</p><p></p><p>I also must be sensitive to our other children. Because they are</p><p>blaming. They are blaming each other and their father and their</p><p>mother (me). They too have a ton of phases and emotions.</p><p>It is a very painful situation.</p><p></p><p>I guess what I am trying to say is that you are the support center</p><p>for your son. The stronger you are, and the more information</p><p>you have from here, the more ammunition your support group</p><p>has. The other people (father) will go through a ton of emotions,</p><p>as will the other people around (father's family and your husband</p><p>and his family). </p><p></p><p>Try to always have a plan. Prepare and plan for the kid(s), </p><p>plan for yourself, plan for your marriage. You have the best support</p><p>group here, use it, and remember to value your marriage and self</p><p>right now, so you can be as strong as you can be for all of your</p><p>children.</p><p></p><p>Best of luck, I know its hard. We all know how hard it is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpme, post: 347048, member: 8202"] I too have suffered the rules versus no rules situation. It is tremendously difficult on all of the adults and children involved. I so totally understand. I'm not sure really how to explain this, but it may help someday. Please remember that there is a ton of "phases" we go through dealing with difficult children. We are mad, we are frustrated, we are guilty, we are remorseful, we grieve, and on and on the roller coaster ride goes. This I can promise you, that sooner or later, the adults do change their "emotion". My STBX is took years to get through the denial phase. He is now in the what the hell have I done phase. Personally, since I have other children with him, I first most am a mother. My role as a parent has always come first. So I am there to teach/train and then have my emotions. I am fully detached, but I am also struggling with "hiding" my blame against STBX for allowing and enabling difficult child to behave as he did, or permitting him to get into so much trouble. I know that it would not be good for difficult child to manipulate me because he suddenly realized I think or he thinks his father is a X, Y, or Z. difficult child needs to learn accountability and responsibility, and he won't learn that if I let him see how much his father has ruined his potential. The kid really could and still can go somewhere in life.....but he's gotta figure it out himself, unfortunately. I also must be sensitive to our other children. Because they are blaming. They are blaming each other and their father and their mother (me). They too have a ton of phases and emotions. It is a very painful situation. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are the support center for your son. The stronger you are, and the more information you have from here, the more ammunition your support group has. The other people (father) will go through a ton of emotions, as will the other people around (father's family and your husband and his family). Try to always have a plan. Prepare and plan for the kid(s), plan for yourself, plan for your marriage. You have the best support group here, use it, and remember to value your marriage and self right now, so you can be as strong as you can be for all of your children. Best of luck, I know its hard. We all know how hard it is. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
newbie
Top