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<blockquote data-quote="unsure" data-source="post: 348163" data-attributes="member: 9046"><p><span style="color: indigo">Hi Marg and thank you so much for your helpful adivce. I'm not offended and I do take it as constructive criticism so no worries. Beside you all have been through this already so who am I to question what you have already learned. That's why I came here to seek the expertise of those who already have the experience.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: indigo">The book recommendation has been one of the most helpful resources I've had in some time. I have already begun to adjust my attitude and approach with difficult child and much to our delight. <strong>As I'm no longer sure "it's just his attitude getting in the way".</strong> You hit the nail on the head when you said 'they just want to be heard' and now I'm very much listening instead of controlling difficult child. </span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: indigo">He had a bad day on Friday and it all boiled down to him becoming frustrated over not being able to control a situation so therefore he took that frustration and anger out on everyone when he got home. He had called me and I told him to go into his room and close the door to get away from everybody and relax and do something fun like play with his trucks or PS2 til I could get home and talk with him. Instead of yelling at him for acting out like I would have in the past I treated him with understanding and compassion. Once I got home I went to his room and sat down with him and talked very clamly and quietly instead of yelling. I let him tell me his side of the story without interrupting and let him know that I was intune/aware of his concerns. I explained to him the different things that could have resulted from the interaction with him and his older sister and we discussed how things sometimes effect other people we aren't even aware of (ex: his lil sister that was frightened by him and big sister yelling and slamming doors). I also assured him that big sister and I were also going to have a talk about things because it takes two to tangle not just one. After everyone had talked, they apologized to each other and the rest of the weekend went along very peacefully and they even interacted in a positive, fun way which they haven't done in quite some time.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: indigo">I have also found that in the past I was reluctant to give him a definite answer as to our plans and why he couldn't do whatever it was he had asked to do. I would do this to keep if from getting disappointed if the plans fell through, but realize now that it only frustrated him more. I've stopped doing that and I now tell him exactly what we have planned to do and what we will do instead if things don't pan out as we hope. If he makes suggestions, I listen to those suggestions and let him know that they are taken into consideration. He seems much happier and is able to look forward to things instead of becoming anxious that it'll be something he doesn't want to do.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: indigo">I appreciate you sharing your advice and experiences with me and have started implementing many of the suggestions you made. However, I'm not ready to start involving stepdad more because I am very uncertain of our future right now. There are many things that I've not shared in regard to him and his life because I know this would be upseting to him. He will not be joining us on the forum as he doesn't feel comfortable sharing personal things with others let alone in this type of setting. He has ALOT of his own issues he needs to deal with and overcome before he's going to be able to positively interact and contribute to someone else.</span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: indigo">Thank you again for the input and I will continue to ask questions and post progress/lasps as they happen.</span></p><p><span style="color: indigo">Have a good day! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="unsure, post: 348163, member: 9046"] [COLOR=indigo]Hi Marg and thank you so much for your helpful adivce. I'm not offended and I do take it as constructive criticism so no worries. Beside you all have been through this already so who am I to question what you have already learned. That's why I came here to seek the expertise of those who already have the experience.[/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]The book recommendation has been one of the most helpful resources I've had in some time. I have already begun to adjust my attitude and approach with difficult child and much to our delight. [B]As I'm no longer sure "it's just his attitude getting in the way".[/B] You hit the nail on the head when you said 'they just want to be heard' and now I'm very much listening instead of controlling difficult child. [/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]He had a bad day on Friday and it all boiled down to him becoming frustrated over not being able to control a situation so therefore he took that frustration and anger out on everyone when he got home. He had called me and I told him to go into his room and close the door to get away from everybody and relax and do something fun like play with his trucks or PS2 til I could get home and talk with him. Instead of yelling at him for acting out like I would have in the past I treated him with understanding and compassion. Once I got home I went to his room and sat down with him and talked very clamly and quietly instead of yelling. I let him tell me his side of the story without interrupting and let him know that I was intune/aware of his concerns. I explained to him the different things that could have resulted from the interaction with him and his older sister and we discussed how things sometimes effect other people we aren't even aware of (ex: his lil sister that was frightened by him and big sister yelling and slamming doors). I also assured him that big sister and I were also going to have a talk about things because it takes two to tangle not just one. After everyone had talked, they apologized to each other and the rest of the weekend went along very peacefully and they even interacted in a positive, fun way which they haven't done in quite some time.[/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]I have also found that in the past I was reluctant to give him a definite answer as to our plans and why he couldn't do whatever it was he had asked to do. I would do this to keep if from getting disappointed if the plans fell through, but realize now that it only frustrated him more. I've stopped doing that and I now tell him exactly what we have planned to do and what we will do instead if things don't pan out as we hope. If he makes suggestions, I listen to those suggestions and let him know that they are taken into consideration. He seems much happier and is able to look forward to things instead of becoming anxious that it'll be something he doesn't want to do.[/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]I appreciate you sharing your advice and experiences with me and have started implementing many of the suggestions you made. However, I'm not ready to start involving stepdad more because I am very uncertain of our future right now. There are many things that I've not shared in regard to him and his life because I know this would be upseting to him. He will not be joining us on the forum as he doesn't feel comfortable sharing personal things with others let alone in this type of setting. He has ALOT of his own issues he needs to deal with and overcome before he's going to be able to positively interact and contribute to someone else.[/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]Thank you again for the input and I will continue to ask questions and post progress/lasps as they happen.[/COLOR] [COLOR=indigo]Have a good day! :)[/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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