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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 379076" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Sending the letter was really tough. I am spending a good chunk of tomorrow with Mom and Aunt, so things may be interesting. So far my parents are working strenuously to not hear either side. Mom DID give into temptation when gfgbro pulled his **** over Jessie's birthday, but she limited herself to one half comment about how it was a shame. Didn't say what was a shame, so I am assuming she meant it is a shame he is such a meanie bohunkus.</p><p> </p><p>As for my father, if he doesn't understand then he doesn't understand. If he is mad I am sure it will upset me and hurt me, but when I got married I started my own family and my top priority can not be my parents. It must be my marriage and my kids. My "family loyalty" must be to them first. husband has been so patient all these years with all the ****. husband has held me while I cried, worked with me to try to avoid the conflama, and stood up for me when gfgbro was way out of line. He also refused to go pick up women in bars or hire "pro's" to entertain himself with gfgbro - early in our marriage gfgbro could NOT accept that husband did NOT want to sleep with anyone else. husband was willing to try to be friends with gfgbro until that came up, after that he refused to go do anything with gfgbro that would constitute male bonding. (I just learned of this last week. I was looking for a notebook that wasn't used up and found one husband had been journaling in. husband said it was okay to read it, and that I probably should.) It explains a whole lot about how husband treated gfgbro the first years of our marriage. I am quite positive that gfgbro would spin it to make it look like he was trying to test husband's love for me, but that is hogwash. husband didn't tell me when it happened because he knew it would ignite a firestorm of conflama that was not needed. He just said no. Learning about this didn't shock me, it was very much in character for gfgbro - esp back when he was actively drinking. If I were to bring it up, gfgbro would deny it or say it was during an alcoholic blackout so it doesn't mean anything. As it is, now that I have spoken about it I can let it go, forgiving gfgbro for trying this and understanding that it was a manifestation of whatever mental illness/personality disorder that he has. </p><p> </p><p>In addition to giving me emotional support and real world support all these years during all the conflama, he still went out of his way to help plan and throw the wedding/reception for gfgbro and exsil -though neither he nor I had ANY confidence that the union would last. He gave no hint of this to anyone but me. At the time he was teaching two classes and taking a full load of graduate classes - and still recovering from a bad bout of pneumonia! --right down to spending every evening for almost a week tying those candy conversation hearts into circles of tulle for the wedding guests. </p><p> </p><p>husband drives me up the wall sometimes, but when I look at all he has done to endure and to cope with this entire conflamadrama, well, he is a really AMAZING, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL husband. I picked GOOD when I picked him.</p><p> </p><p>Y'all have also supported me and encouraged me to see the situation as it is, instead of as I have been told that it is. I picked GOOD when I picked y'all too! Thank you. It doesn't seem like enough to show how much you have helped me and are still helping me. A million thank yous would not be enough to show it, and "I love you" doesn't seem like enough to convey my feelings for you, my true family. I Love You. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs to all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 379076, member: 1233"] Sending the letter was really tough. I am spending a good chunk of tomorrow with Mom and Aunt, so things may be interesting. So far my parents are working strenuously to not hear either side. Mom DID give into temptation when gfgbro pulled his **** over Jessie's birthday, but she limited herself to one half comment about how it was a shame. Didn't say what was a shame, so I am assuming she meant it is a shame he is such a meanie bohunkus. As for my father, if he doesn't understand then he doesn't understand. If he is mad I am sure it will upset me and hurt me, but when I got married I started my own family and my top priority can not be my parents. It must be my marriage and my kids. My "family loyalty" must be to them first. husband has been so patient all these years with all the ****. husband has held me while I cried, worked with me to try to avoid the conflama, and stood up for me when gfgbro was way out of line. He also refused to go pick up women in bars or hire "pro's" to entertain himself with gfgbro - early in our marriage gfgbro could NOT accept that husband did NOT want to sleep with anyone else. husband was willing to try to be friends with gfgbro until that came up, after that he refused to go do anything with gfgbro that would constitute male bonding. (I just learned of this last week. I was looking for a notebook that wasn't used up and found one husband had been journaling in. husband said it was okay to read it, and that I probably should.) It explains a whole lot about how husband treated gfgbro the first years of our marriage. I am quite positive that gfgbro would spin it to make it look like he was trying to test husband's love for me, but that is hogwash. husband didn't tell me when it happened because he knew it would ignite a firestorm of conflama that was not needed. He just said no. Learning about this didn't shock me, it was very much in character for gfgbro - esp back when he was actively drinking. If I were to bring it up, gfgbro would deny it or say it was during an alcoholic blackout so it doesn't mean anything. As it is, now that I have spoken about it I can let it go, forgiving gfgbro for trying this and understanding that it was a manifestation of whatever mental illness/personality disorder that he has. In addition to giving me emotional support and real world support all these years during all the conflama, he still went out of his way to help plan and throw the wedding/reception for gfgbro and exsil -though neither he nor I had ANY confidence that the union would last. He gave no hint of this to anyone but me. At the time he was teaching two classes and taking a full load of graduate classes - and still recovering from a bad bout of pneumonia! --right down to spending every evening for almost a week tying those candy conversation hearts into circles of tulle for the wedding guests. husband drives me up the wall sometimes, but when I look at all he has done to endure and to cope with this entire conflamadrama, well, he is a really AMAZING, AWESOME AND WONDERFUL husband. I picked GOOD when I picked him. Y'all have also supported me and encouraged me to see the situation as it is, instead of as I have been told that it is. I picked GOOD when I picked y'all too! Thank you. It doesn't seem like enough to show how much you have helped me and are still helping me. A million thank yous would not be enough to show it, and "I love you" doesn't seem like enough to convey my feelings for you, my true family. I Love You. Hugs to all of you. [/QUOTE]
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