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No more after school anything........
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 335968" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Susiestar, You do make a very good point. We have cut way back on the bowling. We use to go almost everyday but now we only go once a week for league and maybe once a week more for fun. difficult child has made a friend or two at the bowling alley and looks forward to going. League time is social time for him and we often take the neighbor girl with the other time so another social time.</p><p> </p><p>It is no longer the focus of his week. Much of the pressure has been lifted in that regard.</p><p> </p><p>He has been doing very well for a long time. This time was the bad timing of going after school.</p><p> </p><p>Timer, I could have been less dramatic about it myself. Unfortunately, it got to the point that he wasn't going anywhere unless someone else besides he and I knew what was going on. "No one would have known we were fighting if you didn't yell!" I asked him why he didn't want others to know what was going on. If he was behaving properly, he wouldn't have worried about what others thought. My "yelling" is not always "yelling". I could not go onto the bowling lanes so my voice was a little louder as it stretched to reach him. He worked very hard to make his frustration my fault. As if he could give it all to me and his worries would be gone. If I could take it away from him as he was trying to convince himself that I was the one to give it to him then life would be good.</p><p> </p><p>Does anyone else "FEEL" your kids trying to physically GIVE you all of their anger/frustrations in a quest to find themselves peace? Often times I don't feel they are angry with me but in throwing their anger at me they are trying to get me to grab it and pull it out of their lives so things will be peaceful again. Who but Mom can do that?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 335968, member: 5096"] Susiestar, You do make a very good point. We have cut way back on the bowling. We use to go almost everyday but now we only go once a week for league and maybe once a week more for fun. difficult child has made a friend or two at the bowling alley and looks forward to going. League time is social time for him and we often take the neighbor girl with the other time so another social time. It is no longer the focus of his week. Much of the pressure has been lifted in that regard. He has been doing very well for a long time. This time was the bad timing of going after school. Timer, I could have been less dramatic about it myself. Unfortunately, it got to the point that he wasn't going anywhere unless someone else besides he and I knew what was going on. "No one would have known we were fighting if you didn't yell!" I asked him why he didn't want others to know what was going on. If he was behaving properly, he wouldn't have worried about what others thought. My "yelling" is not always "yelling". I could not go onto the bowling lanes so my voice was a little louder as it stretched to reach him. He worked very hard to make his frustration my fault. As if he could give it all to me and his worries would be gone. If I could take it away from him as he was trying to convince himself that I was the one to give it to him then life would be good. Does anyone else "FEEL" your kids trying to physically GIVE you all of their anger/frustrations in a quest to find themselves peace? Often times I don't feel they are angry with me but in throwing their anger at me they are trying to get me to grab it and pull it out of their lives so things will be peaceful again. Who but Mom can do that? [/QUOTE]
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