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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 269829" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I m sorry things are so rough. i had many times when the "Nobody Cares Blues" drove me batty and wore me out.</p><p></p><p>At several points I would agree with statements like "I never buy you X (which I had JUST bought), or give you Y (hugs, whatever)" and after I went through 8 or 10 things I actually HAD done for Wiz, well, he changed his tune. I usually listed things he had gotten recently, or games we played, things he was allowed to do, and Mom things like cooking dinner, washing clothes, taking him places.</p><p></p><p>If the tune did NOT change then I very nicely said I would truly STOP doing these things. I would take him to the grocery store and NOT let him pick out anything. I would cook dinners I KNEW he didn't like, I would refuse to take him to soccer or whatever and refuse to give permission for him to go with someone else.</p><p></p><p>It wasn't a short process, but it DID work. I forget who suggested it to me. I also often SANG the "I never did" things = and Wiz would truly prefer I chop an arm off of him that listen to my out of tune singing. </p><p></p><p>I made it fun for ME - singing, rhyming, whatever. </p><p></p><p>and as for the never listening - ask her if she would like to truly experience you NOT listening to ANYTHING she says for 24 hours. If she is dumb enough to say yes, then put in some earplugs or your music and do what YOU want - ignore every single word that comes out of her mouth.</p><p></p><p>At the end of the time ask her to compare your normal behavior to the hours you truly ignored everything she said. Ask HER what the differences are. Ask if that is what she TRULY wants. I offered to to either way Wiz (and Jessie at about age 7) wanted.</p><p></p><p>My kids yelled, got in my face - as in less than 1 INCH from my face, did EVERYTHING they could to get me to listen. (I did it for just 2-3 hours before the teen years) If they fought I would just remove the item or the fighting child, never speaking. Often the item went into the trash, because moms who don't listen don't care if it is a favorite toy, they just don't care. </p><p></p><p>We always had very interesting talks after this, where we ALL learned something.</p><p></p><p>I haven't had to do it since thank you was about 2, so he was not included. I always was a normal mom to him, while ignoring the offensive kid.</p><p></p><p>(I said offensive, not offending. I truly consider the "mom doesn't care" line to be the nastiest manipulation and a truly offensive way to behave.)</p><p></p><p>It is just one strategy to use. I only did it (the ignoring treatment) when things got to the extreme (difficult children are SOOO good at taking things to the extreme).</p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 269829, member: 1233"] I m sorry things are so rough. i had many times when the "Nobody Cares Blues" drove me batty and wore me out. At several points I would agree with statements like "I never buy you X (which I had JUST bought), or give you Y (hugs, whatever)" and after I went through 8 or 10 things I actually HAD done for Wiz, well, he changed his tune. I usually listed things he had gotten recently, or games we played, things he was allowed to do, and Mom things like cooking dinner, washing clothes, taking him places. If the tune did NOT change then I very nicely said I would truly STOP doing these things. I would take him to the grocery store and NOT let him pick out anything. I would cook dinners I KNEW he didn't like, I would refuse to take him to soccer or whatever and refuse to give permission for him to go with someone else. It wasn't a short process, but it DID work. I forget who suggested it to me. I also often SANG the "I never did" things = and Wiz would truly prefer I chop an arm off of him that listen to my out of tune singing. I made it fun for ME - singing, rhyming, whatever. and as for the never listening - ask her if she would like to truly experience you NOT listening to ANYTHING she says for 24 hours. If she is dumb enough to say yes, then put in some earplugs or your music and do what YOU want - ignore every single word that comes out of her mouth. At the end of the time ask her to compare your normal behavior to the hours you truly ignored everything she said. Ask HER what the differences are. Ask if that is what she TRULY wants. I offered to to either way Wiz (and Jessie at about age 7) wanted. My kids yelled, got in my face - as in less than 1 INCH from my face, did EVERYTHING they could to get me to listen. (I did it for just 2-3 hours before the teen years) If they fought I would just remove the item or the fighting child, never speaking. Often the item went into the trash, because moms who don't listen don't care if it is a favorite toy, they just don't care. We always had very interesting talks after this, where we ALL learned something. I haven't had to do it since thank you was about 2, so he was not included. I always was a normal mom to him, while ignoring the offensive kid. (I said offensive, not offending. I truly consider the "mom doesn't care" line to be the nastiest manipulation and a truly offensive way to behave.) It is just one strategy to use. I only did it (the ignoring treatment) when things got to the extreme (difficult children are SOOO good at taking things to the extreme). Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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