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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 546200" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>((hugs))</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board, and to the family.</p><p></p><p>Drugs are a horrible thing to deal with, addiction is the most horrid thing to watch your child go through, and meth is one of the worst as it's a fast progression. I had a hard enough time watching my bff kill herself over a period of about 8 yrs, I couldn't begin to imagine the pain of it if she had been my child. As it was she was like a little sis to me and it just ripped me to pieces. So senseless, such a waste.</p><p></p><p>One thing you might find helpful in addition to coming her and spending time with us, is going to see a counselor for yourself. We're great and we care, but honestly it helps to have someone in person you can unload on who can offer insights and guidance and help you to detach yourself from the chaos you can't control. Because the hardest thing to learn and accept, is that you have no control whatsoever over another person, even your child. You can only control yourself, what you do & don't do, what behavior you'll be exposed to and what you refuse to be exposed to. </p><p></p><p>You difficult child can go to rehab a million times but until <strong>she is ready and motivated to make that change</strong> in her life and do the work to make it so, she will fail. </p><p></p><p>But there are steps via learning to detach that can help you not to enable her addiction and make her face the consequences of her choices. It's hard to do at first. But it seems as if you've done some already. </p><p></p><p>Meth is an extremely difficult drug to get off of. It doesn't mean it isn't possible. I just want you to realize that to put it into perspective. My bff to my knowledge didn't do meth, it's probably the only thing she didn't do. Her last favorite was heroine and that coupled with the prescription drugs she was abusing ended her life 2 yrs ago. She was only 32 yrs old and left behind 2 children. Even two years later that is very difficult for me to put out there. Her family went through a living hell. But her family also, in their ignorance and desire to "help" her, enabled her straight to her grave. They are still suffering her loss as i run into her mother on occasion, we're a small town.</p><p></p><p>When dealing with your daughter keep in the forefront of your mind, will this in some way help her to be able to get her drug of choice? If the answer is yes, you need to rethink things and see if there is a better way that won't enable her to get the drug of choice. If there is no other way, then you need to rethink again am I really helping or am I actually making it worse? There were times when bff was broke that I took food to her house so that I knew her boys had something to eat. I had to stop. Not because I didn't care about those boys, but because it enabled her to spend whatever cash she could come up with on heroine. This is only one example of hundreds. It made me angry as heck. It still makes me angry as heck. Her family couldn't reason that way, couldn't stand the thought of her children doing without yet couldn't bring themselves to call cps and have them removed (and they should've been) and would do things like bring food and pay bills and........so bff just kept right on doing what she was doing and letting more and more responsibility fall onto her family while she lived in her own world. Had they not done those things, it would've been difficult if not impossible for her to get her drugs, if she'd been forced to face the consequences of her addiction, it might have pulled her back from the brink. But they couldn't stand to do that to her, she was such a good loving person before the addiction (and she was), but they couldn't get it through their heads that addiction changes who you are, it's all about the drug, they live and breathe for that drug, nothing, nothing else matters. If they don't hit rock bottom and get to the point where they realize they're killing themselves and losing everything........Bff never reached that point. So, her family's good intentions enabled her to death. Yes, bff is still to blame. She did it to herself. </p><p></p><p>Learning to detach and not enable someone is a hard process that takes time and practice and you can only do what you can live with at the time. It does get easier the more you practice, and you'll find your boundaries begin to change as you learn and grow and it's easier to say No. You learn to put more focus onto your own life and to take care of yourself so that when your difficult child is ready, you'll be ready to support her. </p><p></p><p>Coming here and seeing a counselor can help with the process. I'm so very glad you found us. </p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 546200, member: 84"] ((hugs)) Welcome to the board, and to the family. Drugs are a horrible thing to deal with, addiction is the most horrid thing to watch your child go through, and meth is one of the worst as it's a fast progression. I had a hard enough time watching my bff kill herself over a period of about 8 yrs, I couldn't begin to imagine the pain of it if she had been my child. As it was she was like a little sis to me and it just ripped me to pieces. So senseless, such a waste. One thing you might find helpful in addition to coming her and spending time with us, is going to see a counselor for yourself. We're great and we care, but honestly it helps to have someone in person you can unload on who can offer insights and guidance and help you to detach yourself from the chaos you can't control. Because the hardest thing to learn and accept, is that you have no control whatsoever over another person, even your child. You can only control yourself, what you do & don't do, what behavior you'll be exposed to and what you refuse to be exposed to. You difficult child can go to rehab a million times but until [B]she is ready and motivated to make that change[/B] in her life and do the work to make it so, she will fail. But there are steps via learning to detach that can help you not to enable her addiction and make her face the consequences of her choices. It's hard to do at first. But it seems as if you've done some already. Meth is an extremely difficult drug to get off of. It doesn't mean it isn't possible. I just want you to realize that to put it into perspective. My bff to my knowledge didn't do meth, it's probably the only thing she didn't do. Her last favorite was heroine and that coupled with the prescription drugs she was abusing ended her life 2 yrs ago. She was only 32 yrs old and left behind 2 children. Even two years later that is very difficult for me to put out there. Her family went through a living hell. But her family also, in their ignorance and desire to "help" her, enabled her straight to her grave. They are still suffering her loss as i run into her mother on occasion, we're a small town. When dealing with your daughter keep in the forefront of your mind, will this in some way help her to be able to get her drug of choice? If the answer is yes, you need to rethink things and see if there is a better way that won't enable her to get the drug of choice. If there is no other way, then you need to rethink again am I really helping or am I actually making it worse? There were times when bff was broke that I took food to her house so that I knew her boys had something to eat. I had to stop. Not because I didn't care about those boys, but because it enabled her to spend whatever cash she could come up with on heroine. This is only one example of hundreds. It made me angry as heck. It still makes me angry as heck. Her family couldn't reason that way, couldn't stand the thought of her children doing without yet couldn't bring themselves to call cps and have them removed (and they should've been) and would do things like bring food and pay bills and........so bff just kept right on doing what she was doing and letting more and more responsibility fall onto her family while she lived in her own world. Had they not done those things, it would've been difficult if not impossible for her to get her drugs, if she'd been forced to face the consequences of her addiction, it might have pulled her back from the brink. But they couldn't stand to do that to her, she was such a good loving person before the addiction (and she was), but they couldn't get it through their heads that addiction changes who you are, it's all about the drug, they live and breathe for that drug, nothing, nothing else matters. If they don't hit rock bottom and get to the point where they realize they're killing themselves and losing everything........Bff never reached that point. So, her family's good intentions enabled her to death. Yes, bff is still to blame. She did it to herself. Learning to detach and not enable someone is a hard process that takes time and practice and you can only do what you can live with at the time. It does get easier the more you practice, and you'll find your boundaries begin to change as you learn and grow and it's easier to say No. You learn to put more focus onto your own life and to take care of yourself so that when your difficult child is ready, you'll be ready to support her. Coming here and seeing a counselor can help with the process. I'm so very glad you found us. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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