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Parent Emeritus
Not feeling clear on detachment for adult child
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<blockquote data-quote="1905" data-source="post: 577694" data-attributes="member: 2668"><p>It's very sad and frustrating for you, I know because I was in your shoes 5 or 6 years ago. To be blunt, he's not going anywhere...why should he, he has all needs right there in his comfy bed, all he can eat...no worries for him and sometimes you even give him money. I have friends who have kids in their late 20's still at home living like this, watching tv on the couch all day. </p><p></p><p>You are going to be the one to initiate change. He has to want to help himself and living there will not allow him to WANT to change. Is he 29? I just looked at your signature. How about telling him that when you leave the house for work, he has to leave also. He can look for a job, but he is not to be in YOUR home when your not there. At least there will be 8 hours away when he has no choice but to look for a job and he'll see how awful it is to be on his own without a job for 8 hours. He'll want money, Don't give him any, he can pack a sandwich. It's a start. My difficult child broke into our house and stole things, broke the door down...I called the police and got a RO, he turned his life around from that point on. He's a union carpenter making good money, benfits....but he only did that because he had no choice but to get off his behind. Your son needs to you to not give him a choice. There are homeless shelters, let him go there, that may change his mind about being a bum. Right now, you're making it easy for him to be like that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="1905, post: 577694, member: 2668"] It's very sad and frustrating for you, I know because I was in your shoes 5 or 6 years ago. To be blunt, he's not going anywhere...why should he, he has all needs right there in his comfy bed, all he can eat...no worries for him and sometimes you even give him money. I have friends who have kids in their late 20's still at home living like this, watching tv on the couch all day. You are going to be the one to initiate change. He has to want to help himself and living there will not allow him to WANT to change. Is he 29? I just looked at your signature. How about telling him that when you leave the house for work, he has to leave also. He can look for a job, but he is not to be in YOUR home when your not there. At least there will be 8 hours away when he has no choice but to look for a job and he'll see how awful it is to be on his own without a job for 8 hours. He'll want money, Don't give him any, he can pack a sandwich. It's a start. My difficult child broke into our house and stole things, broke the door down...I called the police and got a RO, he turned his life around from that point on. He's a union carpenter making good money, benfits....but he only did that because he had no choice but to get off his behind. Your son needs to you to not give him a choice. There are homeless shelters, let him go there, that may change his mind about being a bum. Right now, you're making it easy for him to be like that. [/QUOTE]
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Not feeling clear on detachment for adult child
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