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Not feeling clear on detachment for adult child
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 578888" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I'm sorry Payla, I know how hard this is on you. The blizzard adds a whole new worry dimension too. If it would make you feel better, give him the location of the nearest shelter he can go to. At some point, you have to let go and let him find his own way, only you can decide if this is that moment. I know the panic and despair and anxiety you're feeling and if you step in to assist one more time, so be it, that is what you do. If you allow him to be in his car during a blizzard, it may force him into the realization that he is the master of his destiny and has to make some different choices.</p><p></p><p>I posted here about how I made a choice on Christmas day not to include my daughter. I know it isn't the same as your situation, however, she and I had gone around the bend a number of times with her sleeping in her car, refusing to go to a shelter. But, that day, in my heart I knew how important this was to both of us, Christmas had always been a BIG day for she and I, throughout her entire life, and we were ALWAYS together on that day. For me to choose to leave her out was a HUGE experience for me, it was so hard that I got nauseous as I made that decision. My therapist, the women in my group, everyone told me that it was a big moment and likely where she would hit bottom. A month later, my difficult child told me that Christmas was a turning point for her, that she couldn't stop crying that day and many afterwards. That broke my heart, but now, as I see her actually making strides, for the first time in many years, I think back to how hard that particular day was for me, and I realize now that that was where I hit my own moment of truth, I had reached critical mass, where all the other moments where I could have let go and didn't added up and now I had the energy to make that leap into the unknown. </p><p></p><p>I don't know if this is that moment for you, if it is, hold on to your own experience, your own sense of knowing, your recognition that as the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results............sometimes it has to reach epic proportions for us to change our behavior. I understand the fear you feel about your son and if your decision is to help him once again, it brings to mind what my therapist always says, 'it takes as long as it takes.' There is no judgement or right or wrong, you have to live with yourself and your choices. I wish you grace during this time, courage and strength and of course, peace. Many hugs to you Payla............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 578888, member: 13542"] I'm sorry Payla, I know how hard this is on you. The blizzard adds a whole new worry dimension too. If it would make you feel better, give him the location of the nearest shelter he can go to. At some point, you have to let go and let him find his own way, only you can decide if this is that moment. I know the panic and despair and anxiety you're feeling and if you step in to assist one more time, so be it, that is what you do. If you allow him to be in his car during a blizzard, it may force him into the realization that he is the master of his destiny and has to make some different choices. I posted here about how I made a choice on Christmas day not to include my daughter. I know it isn't the same as your situation, however, she and I had gone around the bend a number of times with her sleeping in her car, refusing to go to a shelter. But, that day, in my heart I knew how important this was to both of us, Christmas had always been a BIG day for she and I, throughout her entire life, and we were ALWAYS together on that day. For me to choose to leave her out was a HUGE experience for me, it was so hard that I got nauseous as I made that decision. My therapist, the women in my group, everyone told me that it was a big moment and likely where she would hit bottom. A month later, my difficult child told me that Christmas was a turning point for her, that she couldn't stop crying that day and many afterwards. That broke my heart, but now, as I see her actually making strides, for the first time in many years, I think back to how hard that particular day was for me, and I realize now that that was where I hit my own moment of truth, I had reached critical mass, where all the other moments where I could have let go and didn't added up and now I had the energy to make that leap into the unknown. I don't know if this is that moment for you, if it is, hold on to your own experience, your own sense of knowing, your recognition that as the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results............sometimes it has to reach epic proportions for us to change our behavior. I understand the fear you feel about your son and if your decision is to help him once again, it brings to mind what my therapist always says, 'it takes as long as it takes.' There is no judgement or right or wrong, you have to live with yourself and your choices. I wish you grace during this time, courage and strength and of course, peace. Many hugs to you Payla............ [/QUOTE]
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Not feeling clear on detachment for adult child
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