Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Not having to watch your p's and q's anymore...freedom
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 657809" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, a nd I'm doing what I had to do...what I should have done years ago. I'm facing E. as she was to me. I did not write about her or even allow myself to really think about her that much because of Thing 2. I didn't want to hurt my sissy by letting out my own grief, which would have caused a rift at that point. Of course, I had no idea she was reading my postings, and maybe back then she did not, but I knew that if I talked about E. at all, anywhere, it would impact my relationship with her because her relationship with E. was not like mine and even now does not seem to see the way she treated me. So I held it in.</p><p></p><p>I was surprised to learn from therapy that it is common to hold it in for a long time. But it is not going to stay inside of anybody forever. It's much like any abuse. You can hide it for years, but it will come out eventually.</p><p></p><p>I was ready to let it out and ready to let them go and it feels like I finally stopped lying to myself...for her.</p><p></p><p>There is no excuse for the things E. did to me a nd said to me, even as a child, when it started, and it is nothing short of abuse. Nobody deserves what she did. And I am angry for what she did to all of us, even if the others don't see how their lives were impacted by her. It's so obvious, but denial is not just a river...</p><p></p><p>It is always my father's fault to them. And maybe for them he was a factor. He wasn't a great father. But the degree of intimacy problems suffered more by the Things than me are not only because my dad, who was rarely home, yelled sometimes and fought with E.</p><p></p><p>I am grateful that the intimacy problems suffered by the other two did not happen to me. Well, that's stated wrong. They did happen to me, but I was able to get over them by the time I was in my late 30s and ready to find a suitable mate and friends who would not take advantage of me and use me. Thing 2 was able to go far enough as to see her marriage was not suiting her, but unable to find any man who was capable of loving her. Thing 1? No relationships at all that were close enough to live with him. Mother was his bestie and I'm sure nobody measured up to her in his mind. Do I blame my dad at all?</p><p></p><p>In my case I think it wasa E. She is the one who always made me feel useless. When the two of them used to fight, secretly, in my head, I would cheer for my dad. In the big picture, Dad is flawed, but he loves all of us so there is no trauma in my mind regarding him. He is not the one in my nightmares. There is only one person who consistently shows up in my nightmares.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure, but I think that shows who traumatized me.</p><p></p><p>This had to happen. It was there for so long. Maybe it caused some of the tiffs between me and T2. I would not talk about that so they happened. Although, honestly, most of the time I don't even know what she was angry about. It doesn't matter anymore.</p><p></p><p>It was going to end up this way, with me wanting it as much, if not more, than her. As for T1, I'm surprised he even has any strong opinions about me as we had not been in close touch for years. I can't miss he who was never there.</p><p></p><p>My real family is so different. I have good feelings about them...there is little anger...drama doesn't exist. The friends I still keep around are drama free, not from dysfunctional families. The city I live in is fairly crime free and quiet. My life is boring.</p><p></p><p>But it's so serene.</p><p></p><p>And since I don't have to watch my p's and q's anymore and consider what Thing 2 and even Thing 1 may "approve" of my saying, there is no reason to hold back the grief. And I can get over it. And I am getting over it.</p><p>Finally.</p><p></p><p>And I'm soon to celebrate twenty years of marriage with the man who helped me build my new life and whom I love more than life itself.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for commenting. Thanks for all who put up with my grieving. It is not something I can do in real life. People at work, acquainances, even friends not only don't want to hear about it or they head for the hills, but many just can not imagine a mother treating her child the way I was treated so all I have is you guys.</p><p></p><p>And I appreciate all of you.</p><p></p><p>Writing has always been an outlet for me. I express myself best in print.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 657809, member: 1550"] Well, a nd I'm doing what I had to do...what I should have done years ago. I'm facing E. as she was to me. I did not write about her or even allow myself to really think about her that much because of Thing 2. I didn't want to hurt my sissy by letting out my own grief, which would have caused a rift at that point. Of course, I had no idea she was reading my postings, and maybe back then she did not, but I knew that if I talked about E. at all, anywhere, it would impact my relationship with her because her relationship with E. was not like mine and even now does not seem to see the way she treated me. So I held it in. I was surprised to learn from therapy that it is common to hold it in for a long time. But it is not going to stay inside of anybody forever. It's much like any abuse. You can hide it for years, but it will come out eventually. I was ready to let it out and ready to let them go and it feels like I finally stopped lying to myself...for her. There is no excuse for the things E. did to me a nd said to me, even as a child, when it started, and it is nothing short of abuse. Nobody deserves what she did. And I am angry for what she did to all of us, even if the others don't see how their lives were impacted by her. It's so obvious, but denial is not just a river... It is always my father's fault to them. And maybe for them he was a factor. He wasn't a great father. But the degree of intimacy problems suffered more by the Things than me are not only because my dad, who was rarely home, yelled sometimes and fought with E. I am grateful that the intimacy problems suffered by the other two did not happen to me. Well, that's stated wrong. They did happen to me, but I was able to get over them by the time I was in my late 30s and ready to find a suitable mate and friends who would not take advantage of me and use me. Thing 2 was able to go far enough as to see her marriage was not suiting her, but unable to find any man who was capable of loving her. Thing 1? No relationships at all that were close enough to live with him. Mother was his bestie and I'm sure nobody measured up to her in his mind. Do I blame my dad at all? In my case I think it wasa E. She is the one who always made me feel useless. When the two of them used to fight, secretly, in my head, I would cheer for my dad. In the big picture, Dad is flawed, but he loves all of us so there is no trauma in my mind regarding him. He is not the one in my nightmares. There is only one person who consistently shows up in my nightmares. I'm not sure, but I think that shows who traumatized me. This had to happen. It was there for so long. Maybe it caused some of the tiffs between me and T2. I would not talk about that so they happened. Although, honestly, most of the time I don't even know what she was angry about. It doesn't matter anymore. It was going to end up this way, with me wanting it as much, if not more, than her. As for T1, I'm surprised he even has any strong opinions about me as we had not been in close touch for years. I can't miss he who was never there. My real family is so different. I have good feelings about them...there is little anger...drama doesn't exist. The friends I still keep around are drama free, not from dysfunctional families. The city I live in is fairly crime free and quiet. My life is boring. But it's so serene. And since I don't have to watch my p's and q's anymore and consider what Thing 2 and even Thing 1 may "approve" of my saying, there is no reason to hold back the grief. And I can get over it. And I am getting over it. Finally. And I'm soon to celebrate twenty years of marriage with the man who helped me build my new life and whom I love more than life itself. Thanks for commenting. Thanks for all who put up with my grieving. It is not something I can do in real life. People at work, acquainances, even friends not only don't want to hear about it or they head for the hills, but many just can not imagine a mother treating her child the way I was treated so all I have is you guys. And I appreciate all of you. Writing has always been an outlet for me. I express myself best in print. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Not having to watch your p's and q's anymore...freedom
Top