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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 407896" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Hello! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I so very much understand what you are going through. I just horrified another mom when I told her that I never ground my kids or take things away from them. She has always felt I was a bad parent but that has pretty much cemented it for her because every other mom does and if I don't discipline like EVERYONE else than no wonder my child is he!! on wheels! (which believe me he is NOT! She just chooses to believe the lies her child is telling her but that is another problem.)</p><p> </p><p>I find what works best with my difficult kids is talking WITH (not "TO") them. Reviewing what happened. Let them talk about how they feel things went as they did. Use their input as a starting ground. Start with something like, "Well, this morning didn't go that well for us did it? Can we work together to figure out a schedule that will work for everyone?" or "I would like to hear what/how/why you think that happened." Then you can talk about each detail and how it could have proceeded differently.</p><p> </p><p>I feel with our difficult children that we have to be therapists more so than easy child parents do. So much more patience and thinking outside the box is required to figure out how to get the difficult child's to understand. difficult child's do not understand the intent of "normal" discpline. If the discipline does not connect to the action then it does no good for the most part. Finding a connection with difficult child's is near impossible at times. You want to keep the focus on the action, not on the discipline.</p><p> </p><p>I have also learned with my difficult child that he needs TIME - more time than I am usually think is needed - to mull things over and come to understand our conversation - time to accept what may be the right thing to do.</p><p> </p><p>So, try to talk "with". Start out very slowly. You may not get too far at first but it is important not to push this too hard, too fast or it will cause melt downs. Ease your kids into the new way of addressing their problems.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 407896, member: 5096"] Hello! :) I so very much understand what you are going through. I just horrified another mom when I told her that I never ground my kids or take things away from them. She has always felt I was a bad parent but that has pretty much cemented it for her because every other mom does and if I don't discipline like EVERYONE else than no wonder my child is he!! on wheels! (which believe me he is NOT! She just chooses to believe the lies her child is telling her but that is another problem.) I find what works best with my difficult kids is talking WITH (not "TO") them. Reviewing what happened. Let them talk about how they feel things went as they did. Use their input as a starting ground. Start with something like, "Well, this morning didn't go that well for us did it? Can we work together to figure out a schedule that will work for everyone?" or "I would like to hear what/how/why you think that happened." Then you can talk about each detail and how it could have proceeded differently. I feel with our difficult children that we have to be therapists more so than easy child parents do. So much more patience and thinking outside the box is required to figure out how to get the difficult child's to understand. difficult child's do not understand the intent of "normal" discpline. If the discipline does not connect to the action then it does no good for the most part. Finding a connection with difficult child's is near impossible at times. You want to keep the focus on the action, not on the discipline. I have also learned with my difficult child that he needs TIME - more time than I am usually think is needed - to mull things over and come to understand our conversation - time to accept what may be the right thing to do. So, try to talk "with". Start out very slowly. You may not get too far at first but it is important not to push this too hard, too fast or it will cause melt downs. Ease your kids into the new way of addressing their problems. [/QUOTE]
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