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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 318435" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I have four adopted kids. I was wondering how old yours were when they were adopted (yes, it matters) and if they were exposed to substances, including alcohol, while the birthmother was pregnant. Also, were they abused either in bio. family or foster home? If from another country, did they spend time in an orphanage? Any birthfamily history?</p><p></p><p>When we adopted L. at age two, he was very different and we had many assessments of him and also put him into interventions at age three. He has done really well, but he is on the autism spectrum (high end). He's sixteen now and I shudder to think of how things would have been without the interventions.</p><p></p><p>in my opinion adopted kids are harder to diagnose. I favor NeuroPsychs for our children. They are psychologists with extra training in the brain and they do a whole range of testing, from 6-10 hours (if they are good). They can give you a good idea of your child's deficits and problems and then you can figure out what you want to do about them. </p><p></p><p>I agree that they also may have attachment issues. Two year old didn't (but he lived only with one stable family before us). My six year old from Hong Kong had serious attachment issues and we also adopted an eleven year old out of foster care. He was so disturbed and dangerous and had a diagnosis of "Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder." We had to let him go.</p><p></p><p>There are degrees of attachment problems, and this requires special therapy. However, I'd have the neuropsychologist evaluation first and see if he thinks his behavior is strictly due to attachment. The usual is that many things are going on. If his birthmother drank, he could be on the fetal alcohol spectrum, even if he doesn't have the whole syndrome, and you wouldn't be able to see it.</p><p></p><p>I wish you luck, whatever you decide to do. Just remember, an adopted child at an older age is NOT the same as a problem child who has always lived with his biological family and, thus, has not been passed around and whose genetic history is known. It IS harder and takes more time to find answers. ALL adopted kids think about their birthparents, especially thier birthmothers. All my adopted kids have said "you're not my real mom" at different times. It's not personal. They have to wrestle with identity issues that bio. kids don't have. Everyone wants to know about who gave birth to her/him and why he/she was given up. I'd call that pretty typical. And...</p><p></p><p>My thirteen year old was adopted at birth. We watched her being born. She is positive we love her to death. Just ask her <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> However, she DID feel rejected and unwanted at one time. Why? Because her birthmother and birthfather "gave me up." There is nothing we adoptive parents can do to stop THAT hurt. It is almost always there in adopted kids, particularly girls, but boys as well. It often requires therapy. You can't love away the fact that she was abandoned. I'm in touch with an awesome adoption psychologist. He just sees adopted kids. Any time an adoption issue comes up, he sees our kids and has a rare and beautiful understanding of their unique issues. Even adopted kids who keep it inside think about birthmother. It can often start interfering with their lives, especially in the teen years.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 318435, member: 1550"] Hi there. I have four adopted kids. I was wondering how old yours were when they were adopted (yes, it matters) and if they were exposed to substances, including alcohol, while the birthmother was pregnant. Also, were they abused either in bio. family or foster home? If from another country, did they spend time in an orphanage? Any birthfamily history? When we adopted L. at age two, he was very different and we had many assessments of him and also put him into interventions at age three. He has done really well, but he is on the autism spectrum (high end). He's sixteen now and I shudder to think of how things would have been without the interventions. in my opinion adopted kids are harder to diagnose. I favor NeuroPsychs for our children. They are psychologists with extra training in the brain and they do a whole range of testing, from 6-10 hours (if they are good). They can give you a good idea of your child's deficits and problems and then you can figure out what you want to do about them. I agree that they also may have attachment issues. Two year old didn't (but he lived only with one stable family before us). My six year old from Hong Kong had serious attachment issues and we also adopted an eleven year old out of foster care. He was so disturbed and dangerous and had a diagnosis of "Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder." We had to let him go. There are degrees of attachment problems, and this requires special therapy. However, I'd have the neuropsychologist evaluation first and see if he thinks his behavior is strictly due to attachment. The usual is that many things are going on. If his birthmother drank, he could be on the fetal alcohol spectrum, even if he doesn't have the whole syndrome, and you wouldn't be able to see it. I wish you luck, whatever you decide to do. Just remember, an adopted child at an older age is NOT the same as a problem child who has always lived with his biological family and, thus, has not been passed around and whose genetic history is known. It IS harder and takes more time to find answers. ALL adopted kids think about their birthparents, especially thier birthmothers. All my adopted kids have said "you're not my real mom" at different times. It's not personal. They have to wrestle with identity issues that bio. kids don't have. Everyone wants to know about who gave birth to her/him and why he/she was given up. I'd call that pretty typical. And... My thirteen year old was adopted at birth. We watched her being born. She is positive we love her to death. Just ask her ;) However, she DID feel rejected and unwanted at one time. Why? Because her birthmother and birthfather "gave me up." There is nothing we adoptive parents can do to stop THAT hurt. It is almost always there in adopted kids, particularly girls, but boys as well. It often requires therapy. You can't love away the fact that she was abandoned. I'm in touch with an awesome adoption psychologist. He just sees adopted kids. Any time an adoption issue comes up, he sees our kids and has a rare and beautiful understanding of their unique issues. Even adopted kids who keep it inside think about birthmother. It can often start interfering with their lives, especially in the teen years. [/QUOTE]
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