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not sure where to put this.........relationship ****
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 446859" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>(((((HUGS)))))</p><p></p><p>Yeah, it sounds like you have a grown difficult child on your hands. been there done that and wish I could be positive and supportive for you, but I can't. That doesn't mean that you can't make this work, BUT it sounds like it will be a LOT of work.</p><p></p><p>#1 Sounds like he makes all sorts of demands on you. What, if any, are your demands on him? It would seem only fair that in a partnership - marriage - that for each of his demands, you got to make a demand as well. If he refuses to see it that way, then maybe a marriage counselor can get that concept into his head.</p><p></p><p>#2 He needs some parenting skills, and that's not even addressing difficult child parenting skills. Schedule some family therapy sessions for you and him to address parenting techniques for difficult child and the other kids. If he refuses to understand that he needs assistance in that capacity, then maybe a marriage counselor can get that concept into his head.</p><p></p><p>#3 "stop catering to his demands and maybe eventually he will give up on trying to isolate me and make me be someone i'm not?" Sure, give it a try, but I am TRULY concerned that if you did this he may get violent with you. This is a man who thinks nothing of striking a child and 'screaming like a maniac'. </p><p></p><p>Please remember that this man is not only your husband, but the male role model of YOUR children. Do you really want your daughter to identify this as being 'normal' male behavior and end up with a similar mate herself, someday?</p><p></p><p>OK, I just had an epiphany and found something that may help you move forward in a POSITIVE light, BUT it will also REQUIRE your husband to be on board. Since the apples don't fall far from the trees, chances are, that husband also has some or all (and possibly other) of the same dxs as difficult child. Has he ever been screened or evaluated for anything? His anger and frustration could be stemming from seeing the world differently than "normal" ppl. If he's willing to give this concept even the slightest consideration, you can both move forward from there.</p><p></p><p>I GET that. I really, really do. If my husband had not left, I'd still be struggling dealing with my "fourth child". But as difficult and devastating as it was when he did leave, I was instantly filled with an inner calm and peace. It was so dramatic that my friends noticed it over the phone. I wish I could be more positive. </p><p></p><p>PS If he thinks you should be watching the kids 24/7 PROVE to him how ridiculous that is. Start sleeping in their rooms. Ah, yeah, sex is out of the question because you MUST watch the kids. Did you want something , Hon? Sorry, I MUST watch the kids, can't help you right now. In my experience this tactic will work only temporarily and not without a huge blowout at first.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 446859, member: 11965"] (((((HUGS))))) Yeah, it sounds like you have a grown difficult child on your hands. been there done that and wish I could be positive and supportive for you, but I can't. That doesn't mean that you can't make this work, BUT it sounds like it will be a LOT of work. #1 Sounds like he makes all sorts of demands on you. What, if any, are your demands on him? It would seem only fair that in a partnership - marriage - that for each of his demands, you got to make a demand as well. If he refuses to see it that way, then maybe a marriage counselor can get that concept into his head. #2 He needs some parenting skills, and that's not even addressing difficult child parenting skills. Schedule some family therapy sessions for you and him to address parenting techniques for difficult child and the other kids. If he refuses to understand that he needs assistance in that capacity, then maybe a marriage counselor can get that concept into his head. #3 "stop catering to his demands and maybe eventually he will give up on trying to isolate me and make me be someone i'm not?" Sure, give it a try, but I am TRULY concerned that if you did this he may get violent with you. This is a man who thinks nothing of striking a child and 'screaming like a maniac'. Please remember that this man is not only your husband, but the male role model of YOUR children. Do you really want your daughter to identify this as being 'normal' male behavior and end up with a similar mate herself, someday? OK, I just had an epiphany and found something that may help you move forward in a POSITIVE light, BUT it will also REQUIRE your husband to be on board. Since the apples don't fall far from the trees, chances are, that husband also has some or all (and possibly other) of the same dxs as difficult child. Has he ever been screened or evaluated for anything? His anger and frustration could be stemming from seeing the world differently than "normal" ppl. If he's willing to give this concept even the slightest consideration, you can both move forward from there. I GET that. I really, really do. If my husband had not left, I'd still be struggling dealing with my "fourth child". But as difficult and devastating as it was when he did leave, I was instantly filled with an inner calm and peace. It was so dramatic that my friends noticed it over the phone. I wish I could be more positive. PS If he thinks you should be watching the kids 24/7 PROVE to him how ridiculous that is. Start sleeping in their rooms. Ah, yeah, sex is out of the question because you MUST watch the kids. Did you want something , Hon? Sorry, I MUST watch the kids, can't help you right now. In my experience this tactic will work only temporarily and not without a huge blowout at first. [/QUOTE]
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