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not sure where to put this.........relationship ****
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 446869" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The others are wrong. This is not beginning to be abuse. This is already an abusive relationship. You must have eyes on the kids at every moment, meaning he is controlling your every moment. He has no skills to handle problems except hitting and yelling. It won't be "just" the kids for very long. He is isolating you from all others, esp family. When family does come over they must sit still and say nothing.</p><p></p><p>His expectations are far beyond not reasonable into delusional, in my humble opinion. Thinking kids would sit and do nothing and not talk is irrational. Expecting adults to do it shows that he has no grip on reality at least as far as this subject. And it is SCARY.</p><p></p><p>His accusations bring this to almost textbook domestic violence, even if he isn't hitting you or being physically violent yet. ignoring him is NOT going to fix things. He is NOT going to stup until he HAS to, and that might only be because he is in prison for killing someone. This is NOT rational behavior. you CANNOT deal with it rationally by using logic. You also are making the situation HUGeLY more dangerous and volatile by just "not catering" to him. So far you HAVe done what he wants with his current actions. When that control over you slips, or he thinks it does, he will take it to another level.</p><p></p><p>Leaving is a choice. IF you want to stay with him and raise healthy kids, you MUST get healthy yourself. That means therapy to see why you would choose a relationship with a man who treats you this way. If you leave and don't get this therapy? You will just find another like him. Period. </p><p></p><p>What CAN you do? Go and call the local domestic violence center and talk with them. Do an intake session where you talka bout what is going on and what they have to offer and what they have to recommend for you. The help is free. They will have indiv therapy and group therapy and even, when you are both ready, couples therapy. It is free. They can help you see your options clearly and help you make a well thought out choice. </p><p></p><p>If nothing else, please go and talk to them so that you can teach your children that this is not the way relationships are supposed to be. By staying and not getting help, you are teaching your children to look for this type of relationship. Look at your daughter. Remember how much you loved her the minute you looked at her and held her. Now think forward to her in a relationshp with a man who did to her what your husband is doing to you.</p><p></p><p>Is that truly what you want for her? Should you teach her how to handle a relationship like that if she finds herself in one? Or just ignore it, try to ignore husband with-o getting real help, and know that you are teaching her to go and find a man to treat your precious baby the way your husband treats you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 446869, member: 1233"] The others are wrong. This is not beginning to be abuse. This is already an abusive relationship. You must have eyes on the kids at every moment, meaning he is controlling your every moment. He has no skills to handle problems except hitting and yelling. It won't be "just" the kids for very long. He is isolating you from all others, esp family. When family does come over they must sit still and say nothing. His expectations are far beyond not reasonable into delusional, in my humble opinion. Thinking kids would sit and do nothing and not talk is irrational. Expecting adults to do it shows that he has no grip on reality at least as far as this subject. And it is SCARY. His accusations bring this to almost textbook domestic violence, even if he isn't hitting you or being physically violent yet. ignoring him is NOT going to fix things. He is NOT going to stup until he HAS to, and that might only be because he is in prison for killing someone. This is NOT rational behavior. you CANNOT deal with it rationally by using logic. You also are making the situation HUGeLY more dangerous and volatile by just "not catering" to him. So far you HAVe done what he wants with his current actions. When that control over you slips, or he thinks it does, he will take it to another level. Leaving is a choice. IF you want to stay with him and raise healthy kids, you MUST get healthy yourself. That means therapy to see why you would choose a relationship with a man who treats you this way. If you leave and don't get this therapy? You will just find another like him. Period. What CAN you do? Go and call the local domestic violence center and talk with them. Do an intake session where you talka bout what is going on and what they have to offer and what they have to recommend for you. The help is free. They will have indiv therapy and group therapy and even, when you are both ready, couples therapy. It is free. They can help you see your options clearly and help you make a well thought out choice. If nothing else, please go and talk to them so that you can teach your children that this is not the way relationships are supposed to be. By staying and not getting help, you are teaching your children to look for this type of relationship. Look at your daughter. Remember how much you loved her the minute you looked at her and held her. Now think forward to her in a relationshp with a man who did to her what your husband is doing to you. Is that truly what you want for her? Should you teach her how to handle a relationship like that if she finds herself in one? Or just ignore it, try to ignore husband with-o getting real help, and know that you are teaching her to go and find a man to treat your precious baby the way your husband treats you. [/QUOTE]
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