Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
O. M. G.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 362784" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Excellent advice. It is going to be tough, I know. I am positive my mother will once again pester me to go to see her therapist with bro. I have never felt the urge to go to therapy with bro for our relationship. I can guarantee that his version of what any therapist says will NOT be what is really said. My mother keeps trying to bring this mutual therapy about. I have yet to see a therapist who thought it was needed, or even a good idea. So far two tdocs have warned me against it after my mother sent letters to them BEGGING for the therapist to help me accept therapy with bro. The letters had a really interesting view of the history of my adult relationship with bro. Mostly untrue and fueled by him, of course. </p><p></p><p>Can I ask a question that will seem like it has a really obvious answer? Is it considered abusive to refuse to let someone walk away while you either yell (raised voice within 12 inches of another person's face) or speak in a forceful and mean way, saying things that are accusatory and hateful and often blatantly false? </p><p></p><p>My brother does this to me. The other day was the first time he has done it to husband. I know during his marriage he did it to his now exwife. My mother says that it is only abusive if I "decide" that it is. That it is my "perception" of how he is speaking/yelling at me that makes it abusive, that it it OK for him to do that because I am not willing to let him speak that way to me. I have even been told that if I would just listen and then make changes in my life that it would be healthy for me to be treated this way.</p><p></p><p>I know, on most levels, that it isn't okay, that it IS abuse to do this to another. It is really hard because for a LONG time I have been told that either it isn't happening or that it is okay and/or deserved because I don't structure my life to suit my bro.</p><p></p><p>Somehow I have to figure out how to move on with-o having my mother get onto Jessie about this. The last couple of times bro did this stuff and I decided to just stay away from him my mother took Jess to do something and told Jess a bunch of stuff to get Jess to pressure me. Lots of "how hard it is to not be able to see both kids at once, how bro is willing to move on but your mom is stuck holding a grudge" type thing.</p><p></p><p>Wow. Just looking at those words on paper makes me see how crazy this is. How truly nuts. I am not perfect, or even perfectly sane. I am willing to own up to being dysfunctional. But I am not nuts when I think that this behavior is unacceptable.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 362784, member: 1233"] Excellent advice. It is going to be tough, I know. I am positive my mother will once again pester me to go to see her therapist with bro. I have never felt the urge to go to therapy with bro for our relationship. I can guarantee that his version of what any therapist says will NOT be what is really said. My mother keeps trying to bring this mutual therapy about. I have yet to see a therapist who thought it was needed, or even a good idea. So far two tdocs have warned me against it after my mother sent letters to them BEGGING for the therapist to help me accept therapy with bro. The letters had a really interesting view of the history of my adult relationship with bro. Mostly untrue and fueled by him, of course. Can I ask a question that will seem like it has a really obvious answer? Is it considered abusive to refuse to let someone walk away while you either yell (raised voice within 12 inches of another person's face) or speak in a forceful and mean way, saying things that are accusatory and hateful and often blatantly false? My brother does this to me. The other day was the first time he has done it to husband. I know during his marriage he did it to his now exwife. My mother says that it is only abusive if I "decide" that it is. That it is my "perception" of how he is speaking/yelling at me that makes it abusive, that it it OK for him to do that because I am not willing to let him speak that way to me. I have even been told that if I would just listen and then make changes in my life that it would be healthy for me to be treated this way. I know, on most levels, that it isn't okay, that it IS abuse to do this to another. It is really hard because for a LONG time I have been told that either it isn't happening or that it is okay and/or deserved because I don't structure my life to suit my bro. Somehow I have to figure out how to move on with-o having my mother get onto Jessie about this. The last couple of times bro did this stuff and I decided to just stay away from him my mother took Jess to do something and told Jess a bunch of stuff to get Jess to pressure me. Lots of "how hard it is to not be able to see both kids at once, how bro is willing to move on but your mom is stuck holding a grudge" type thing. Wow. Just looking at those words on paper makes me see how crazy this is. How truly nuts. I am not perfect, or even perfectly sane. I am willing to own up to being dysfunctional. But I am not nuts when I think that this behavior is unacceptable. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
O. M. G.
Top