Hi there. You got some good advice but it could be that you are clinically depressed as I used to be. Through my dark lenses, everything seemed worse. I had to seek professional help. I think that in many cases family and friends are not the best people to look for regarding support. They dont always understand depression and too much going on and often just make things worse or unintentionally shame us. They tell us to snap out of it!
Your marriage is not about you always listening to your husband. If you are so distraught that you wake up depressed each day (like a weight is on your chezt) or have suicidal thoughts (even if you wouldnt ever really do it) or are always ready to scream and never stop
then be good to yourself and see a thetapist. Or a psychiatrist. Sometimes depression clouds our thinking and we just keep sliding further and further into a dark abyss and we need medical attention. Depression is ofyen a medical problem. It is not a sign of weakness, like we are told sometimes by non professional people who dont understand.
Most here have been in therapy because of stress or depression or both. Often a child caused the stress. Many found therspy very helpful. I havent been depressed like I used to get in decades now. If you had pneumonia you would seek relief. Depression is an illness. It needs attention or often does not go away.
I am an animal lover and so sorry about your horse. I have dogs I love that way. When they die it will feel as harsh as a human death. They are family to me.
Now about the kids. Is your husband also against professionally evaluating the troubling ones to see if anything is wrong with them that can be helped for the better?
I have an autistic son and he is almost 24 now and all the help he had really worked!! He is full functioning, sweet and on his own. If your husband refuses to get them evaluated...for selfish privacy reasons..to me that is abuse. I would take them anyway. He has no right to demand that you keep everything to yourself. That is up to you. He is your partner in life not your father no matter how young you are or how old he is.
I suspect you are pretty young. I am thinking that the right therapy could help you to trust people and to cope with other issues. I was once like you but no longer am. I am still more of an introvert by nature but I have a complete trust of my amazing husband, all of my grown kids (even the one who can be a butt ache
) and my few friends. I loved being a mother and I have four kids. I still love being a mother. I was a stay at home becsuse I felt it was best for them. Two of my kids were not easy, but one in particular turned out great in the end! This can hap0en to your kids too with early intervention. Take them to a neuropsychologist (a psychologist with special training in the brain). They are great diagnosticians, non judgmental, and eill tell you what is going on and what to do about it). This changed my sons life for the extreme better.
It is not good for your kids or you if you can barely function. I know how that feels.
Please take care of yourself. Love yourself. Act independent of your husband.His ways may not work for you and certainly the young kids need evaluations and help or they will not improve. It just gets worse with age if we dont treat possible problems that cause them to have less self control than their peers. Often untreated angry kids become angrier adults.
Well, I just got home from work and saw your post. It made me feel sad for you. Depression is so treatable. No need for the hospital.
Please get help and take your kids for evaluations. You sound overwhelmed and desperate and i know how that impairs a person. Without treatment I would not still be here. Yet now my life is so good. I want and pray the same happens to you. We csn choose to seek help or chose to stay the same. It is up to you what you do. I share that I am grateful to the mental health community and that they helped me tenfold. I share that my son was helped tenfold by a neuropsychologist and your child is not hopeless. She is so young. There is so kuch help. But you must choose to get it.
Love and light.