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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 393385" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>As you may know my husband and I have raised our grandson (now 23 and an alcoholic plus Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) issues) since birth. GFGmom also lived with us until she got pregnant again by a different short term partner. We had told her all along that we would not take in another baby. She kept that baby with her living a chaotic lifestyle and took the older boy for visitations. Things got worse as time went by and although we still had hope that she would "grow up" we agreed to add her second son to our lives with a Durable Power of Attorney which gave decision making rights to me. The younger boy lived with us for a year, then was reclaimed by his Mom, lived with us for four years, was reclaimed by Mom etc. etc. Subsequently she had a third child by a third partner who was pond scum. We have never babysat her daughter. Finally we drew the line.</p><p> </p><p>I understand, believe me, what you are living through. It's hard to believe that a child you raised in a loving family could be so off the wall. Sigh! GFGmom would not allow anyone to adopt any of "her" children. Turns out she was collecting child support and later disability payments as we spent our resources raising the boys. The second son is damaged from the yoyo lifestyle. Going back and forth undermines the sense of security and attachment. The older son was derailed just by exposure to her lifestyle which included letting him drink and driving him to get pot etc. when he visited with her. </p><p> </p><p>Each of us has to make our own decisions. I would not presume to tell you what course to take. on the other hand, I do suggest that you consider an all or nothing at all approach. Your grands have experienced chaos for years. Even visitation can derail the</p><p>loving efforts of providing a healthy environment for children with GFGmom's. We love our grandsons with all our hearts.</p><p>Our easy child children resent that we have had no time for their families. It's a two edged sword for sure. Meanwhile we are in our seventies and still working to make ends meet. The negative influence of GFGmom has undermined the results we anticipated. If we had to do it again we would have tried harder to exclude her from their lives.</p><p> </p><p>I'm genuinely sorry that you are at the crossroads and I hope and pray that your choices will be best for all. Hugs DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 393385, member: 35"] As you may know my husband and I have raised our grandson (now 23 and an alcoholic plus Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) issues) since birth. GFGmom also lived with us until she got pregnant again by a different short term partner. We had told her all along that we would not take in another baby. She kept that baby with her living a chaotic lifestyle and took the older boy for visitations. Things got worse as time went by and although we still had hope that she would "grow up" we agreed to add her second son to our lives with a Durable Power of Attorney which gave decision making rights to me. The younger boy lived with us for a year, then was reclaimed by his Mom, lived with us for four years, was reclaimed by Mom etc. etc. Subsequently she had a third child by a third partner who was pond scum. We have never babysat her daughter. Finally we drew the line. I understand, believe me, what you are living through. It's hard to believe that a child you raised in a loving family could be so off the wall. Sigh! GFGmom would not allow anyone to adopt any of "her" children. Turns out she was collecting child support and later disability payments as we spent our resources raising the boys. The second son is damaged from the yoyo lifestyle. Going back and forth undermines the sense of security and attachment. The older son was derailed just by exposure to her lifestyle which included letting him drink and driving him to get pot etc. when he visited with her. Each of us has to make our own decisions. I would not presume to tell you what course to take. on the other hand, I do suggest that you consider an all or nothing at all approach. Your grands have experienced chaos for years. Even visitation can derail the loving efforts of providing a healthy environment for children with GFGmom's. We love our grandsons with all our hearts. Our easy child children resent that we have had no time for their families. It's a two edged sword for sure. Meanwhile we are in our seventies and still working to make ends meet. The negative influence of GFGmom has undermined the results we anticipated. If we had to do it again we would have tried harder to exclude her from their lives. I'm genuinely sorry that you are at the crossroads and I hope and pray that your choices will be best for all. Hugs DDD [/QUOTE]
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