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Oh THIS is RICH! More inlaw hilarity...
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 436403" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Star, as usual has an excellent solution!!</p><p></p><p>TM, why don't you ask for the money for the tickets as you go into the events. Or in front of the kids - esp the one in the program or whatever. Chances are they will NOT want to make a scene in front of other parents or let the kids think that Gma and Gpa don't care enough to pay to see them. Just act like it is perfectly normal for them to have the money and pay you - "Oh, the tickets were $20. You can give it to me now so we don't forget about it. Oh, you don't have cash? A check is fine - I know you know how to spell the name!" - act like the last part is a joke, and chuckle as you say it. Or if there is no checkbook at hand, point out the ATM nearby or stop on your way to the next place with them. "I know you don't like to ahve outstanding debt, so this is the closest ATM." As long as you act like it is a normal part of the routine, how can they complain or deny payment to you? If husband gets upset tell him you assumed that he forgot the last few times so you thought you would take that responsibility on - as a "favor" to him!</p><p></p><p>Gvcmom, as for gas money, work on getting husband to not send it. Do NOT let him give them a gas card that is a credit card. If he does, then you need to cancel it - no way should they have that with their gambling issues. At least in my opinion. Have you ever gone back and added up all the money spent on them in a year? What would husband say if you sat him down and showed him the total? Chances are he would be shocked, and maybe it would get him to agree to a much lower number that he finds reasonable. then tell the inlaws that the economy has made things tough and y'all have set aside X amt of dollars to give them for travel for the year (to be given out for travel to you only and for their expenses when they are visiting you only - or give them a lump sum and tell them that if it is gone before they come to visit you then they cannot come as you won't pay more.) Either way, don't give them more.</p><p></p><p>I strongly suggest getting husband to a marriage counselor to work this out and to get him to commit to this plan and to follow through. Can you tell them no if husband wants to tell them this and cannot? If he says he will send $$ over that amt, or for a trip/crisis/event that is NOT with you, can you call and say he didn't realize that they had spent all you could afford to give them and you cannot afford to send them anything, or can only afford to send them $20 or $50? Personally given how you do not enjoy their visits, if you give it to them all at once and they blow it NOT on travel and visits to see you, I might be inclined to see it as paying them to stay away. husband might even see it as them not really caring if they see you or your kids but instead only want to visit to get money from you - that all they care about is the money.</p><p></p><p>These are just ideas. I doubt that husband will be able to tell them no, ever, if you don't get him into counseling with you and he can see how much this upsets you.</p><p></p><p>If these don't work, or you cannot do them, at least you can vent to us. In law relationships are tough. </p><p></p><p>Can you arrange to take the kids out of town the week(s) they visit? Last minute trip to somewhere? I can give you a link to find festivals and events in Oklahoma!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 436403, member: 1233"] Star, as usual has an excellent solution!! TM, why don't you ask for the money for the tickets as you go into the events. Or in front of the kids - esp the one in the program or whatever. Chances are they will NOT want to make a scene in front of other parents or let the kids think that Gma and Gpa don't care enough to pay to see them. Just act like it is perfectly normal for them to have the money and pay you - "Oh, the tickets were $20. You can give it to me now so we don't forget about it. Oh, you don't have cash? A check is fine - I know you know how to spell the name!" - act like the last part is a joke, and chuckle as you say it. Or if there is no checkbook at hand, point out the ATM nearby or stop on your way to the next place with them. "I know you don't like to ahve outstanding debt, so this is the closest ATM." As long as you act like it is a normal part of the routine, how can they complain or deny payment to you? If husband gets upset tell him you assumed that he forgot the last few times so you thought you would take that responsibility on - as a "favor" to him! Gvcmom, as for gas money, work on getting husband to not send it. Do NOT let him give them a gas card that is a credit card. If he does, then you need to cancel it - no way should they have that with their gambling issues. At least in my opinion. Have you ever gone back and added up all the money spent on them in a year? What would husband say if you sat him down and showed him the total? Chances are he would be shocked, and maybe it would get him to agree to a much lower number that he finds reasonable. then tell the inlaws that the economy has made things tough and y'all have set aside X amt of dollars to give them for travel for the year (to be given out for travel to you only and for their expenses when they are visiting you only - or give them a lump sum and tell them that if it is gone before they come to visit you then they cannot come as you won't pay more.) Either way, don't give them more. I strongly suggest getting husband to a marriage counselor to work this out and to get him to commit to this plan and to follow through. Can you tell them no if husband wants to tell them this and cannot? If he says he will send $$ over that amt, or for a trip/crisis/event that is NOT with you, can you call and say he didn't realize that they had spent all you could afford to give them and you cannot afford to send them anything, or can only afford to send them $20 or $50? Personally given how you do not enjoy their visits, if you give it to them all at once and they blow it NOT on travel and visits to see you, I might be inclined to see it as paying them to stay away. husband might even see it as them not really caring if they see you or your kids but instead only want to visit to get money from you - that all they care about is the money. These are just ideas. I doubt that husband will be able to tell them no, ever, if you don't get him into counseling with you and he can see how much this upsets you. If these don't work, or you cannot do them, at least you can vent to us. In law relationships are tough. Can you arrange to take the kids out of town the week(s) they visit? Last minute trip to somewhere? I can give you a link to find festivals and events in Oklahoma! [/QUOTE]
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