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Ok, so I went to the DV shelter today
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<blockquote data-quote="SRL" data-source="post: 136454" data-attributes="member: 701"><p>feelinalone, I was thinking about your post last night before bed and when I woke up this morning Susiestar had taken the time to explain some of what I was feeling. When I read your descriptions of your son, I see collectively in your posts a long list of attitudes and behaviors that you feel that your son has to learn. It reminds me of the kinds of first posts that we often read where parents have this list of things they blame their child for in contrast to those we read later when the parent is further down the road and realizes the child has a neurological disorder. I did a lot of blaming my son for his issues in those early years and when we finally had a diagnosis I started blaming the neurological condition instead. This may not sound like a big deal but for me it was huge: when I had a list of behaviors I blamed him for I drew lines in the sand and expected him to reach them and experienced a lot of anger and frustration when he couldn't. When I started to grasp the depth of a neurological disorder on a child's thought processes and behaviors, I started to change. I started feeling far more compasion as I realized this wasn't a case of "he won't", it was a case of "he can't". <em>He can't follow my oral multi-step instructions because he's totally tuned into printed language...and I need to increase use of printed language and put a plan in place to boost auditory processing skills. He can't see things through the eyes of others because he's been wired up with an egocentric mindset...and that needs to be addressed with social skills training at home and school: speech therapy, coached playdates, etc. He can't comply with my request because he's been wired up with a knee-jerk reaction to authority...so I need to back down my expectations and relearn how to approach him to accomplish my goals. He's manipulative...because he has problems in the area of sensory integration/executive funtion/language and auditory processing/fine motor/etc so he needs compassion and adaptations until he catches on to the training.</em></p><p> </p><p>I'm confused here--after two inpatient stays and an IEP, and a description of what appears to be a violent, fairly non-functional child, aren't you suspecting there are underlying neurological disorders? Was the iniital assessment route through psychiatrist and therapist or has more thorough diagnostic work been done?</p><p> </p><p>I don't mean to be unkind here-I grew up in a home with a single parent struggling to keep it together with a difficult child child so I know how draining it is. But I think the chances of progress are slim unless connections are made between behaviors and underlying neurological issues, which in turn can facilitate understanding and guide interventions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SRL, post: 136454, member: 701"] feelinalone, I was thinking about your post last night before bed and when I woke up this morning Susiestar had taken the time to explain some of what I was feeling. When I read your descriptions of your son, I see collectively in your posts a long list of attitudes and behaviors that you feel that your son has to learn. It reminds me of the kinds of first posts that we often read where parents have this list of things they blame their child for in contrast to those we read later when the parent is further down the road and realizes the child has a neurological disorder. I did a lot of blaming my son for his issues in those early years and when we finally had a diagnosis I started blaming the neurological condition instead. This may not sound like a big deal but for me it was huge: when I had a list of behaviors I blamed him for I drew lines in the sand and expected him to reach them and experienced a lot of anger and frustration when he couldn't. When I started to grasp the depth of a neurological disorder on a child's thought processes and behaviors, I started to change. I started feeling far more compasion as I realized this wasn't a case of "he won't", it was a case of "he can't". [I]He can't follow my oral multi-step instructions because he's totally tuned into printed language...and I need to increase use of printed language and put a plan in place to boost auditory processing skills. He can't see things through the eyes of others because he's been wired up with an egocentric mindset...and that needs to be addressed with social skills training at home and school: speech therapy, coached playdates, etc. He can't comply with my request because he's been wired up with a knee-jerk reaction to authority...so I need to back down my expectations and relearn how to approach him to accomplish my goals. He's manipulative...because he has problems in the area of sensory integration/executive funtion/language and auditory processing/fine motor/etc so he needs compassion and adaptations until he catches on to the training.[/I] I'm confused here--after two inpatient stays and an IEP, and a description of what appears to be a violent, fairly non-functional child, aren't you suspecting there are underlying neurological disorders? Was the iniital assessment route through psychiatrist and therapist or has more thorough diagnostic work been done? I don't mean to be unkind here-I grew up in a home with a single parent struggling to keep it together with a difficult child child so I know how draining it is. But I think the chances of progress are slim unless connections are made between behaviors and underlying neurological issues, which in turn can facilitate understanding and guide interventions. [/QUOTE]
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