klmno
Active Member
I finally got an offer for a permanent job in my original profession and the pay and benefits are much better than what I've been surviving on. It requires relocating and that's where the problem comes in. E likes his new school here and I do, too. He's making friends there and they are welcoming him and he's doing well. The new friends seem to be PCs so far. He likes living in this smaller townhome and I will agree that when we lived in a bigger house in the suburbs, the whole lifestyle and spacious house contributed to us growing apart. (Although I'm sure that wasn't the main cause of E ending up in so much trouble.)
on the other hand, E wants to go to college and so far that's still a possibility academically. It's time to work toward him getting a driver's license and getting me a new car so he can eventually get this 11 yo car. There is no way I can afford any of that on my current pay. I can't even afford medication insurance on E if I don't take a better paying job. The job is for the fed gov so my previous 4 yrs on active duty will count toward a 20 yr retirement and will count for me getting more vacation time per year right off the batt. The PO decided not to allow E to go out of state to that forum due to my calling him and saying I was concerned that E "might be getting ready to run", even though I called a few days later after the facts came out and told him it was obvious by that point that it was the other boy trying to get E to. (PO documented that as "E had a plot to run and had taken action on it". Never mind that E never broke his rules of the electronic monitoring or tried to run one time and PO is letting E off house arrest as a result this weekend.) I don't trust this PO to document things correctly and after this and the previous stuff, don't think I'll ever trust him- I think he's a loose cannon. And I want back in my profession and to get compensated accordingly.
But, I can't honestly say it would be worth it if E gets stuck in rural country, bored to tears this summer and in a sd that isn't so welcoming for his senior year of high school and me being stressed over different things than money but still stressed and then E throwing in the towel and self-sabatoging, thereby sabatoging us both again. And I really do want him to be happy, too. E was happy about the move when it was tentative but now that the offer is confirmed, he said it just hit him and he's not so happy because he has this girl at sd and they're kind of leading toward dating and he doesn't want to move early summer because he'd end up spending the summer alone because he wouldn't have anything to do or know any kids his age there until school starts again this fall and then it would be starting all over again and it might not be such a comfortable fit at that school as it is here. That's all true and reasonable. Also, this school found a way to make sure he can still get an advanced diploma (although he'll have to stick to working his rear off his senior year) and if we move, in order to get him to a sd where this is even possible, I'll have to drive 1/2 hr to 1 hr to and from work and we'll be living in a rural environment- right now we are in 'small town' and we used to live in city suburbs. He can walk to the Y, the library, and 3 shopping centers from where we live now for meet-ups with friends and/or to find a summer job. He'll be stuck if we move.
So while the obvious ideal situation would be to wait until next year to even consider something like this, this offer won't wait and I sure can't expect the offers to come next year with fed gov employment slowing down. This job would pay almost twice what I get now and I've been wearing clothes bought at Goodwill. I want my career back and I want to be able to help my son go to college and for me to get a better car so he can get this one and I can have more time off work - but I don't want to put him (and us) in another situation that is so demanding of my time or mental energy that I can't be the mom he needs to stay on track. Or put him in an environment that doesn't offer the supports that help him feel welcomed and engaged.
Sorry this is so long- I'm hoping if I get some others' opinions, maybe the "right" answer will become clearer to me. I have to let the people know Mon. morning when I want my start date to be - I can back out now but can't back out after next week. Unfortunately, I can't take E to the area where the job is to look around and check out housing for 2 weeks. (He's scheduled to take the SAT next Sat.)
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
(DJ, I might be asking for some info about things in the area where E could look for a job, social events, etc.)
on the other hand, E wants to go to college and so far that's still a possibility academically. It's time to work toward him getting a driver's license and getting me a new car so he can eventually get this 11 yo car. There is no way I can afford any of that on my current pay. I can't even afford medication insurance on E if I don't take a better paying job. The job is for the fed gov so my previous 4 yrs on active duty will count toward a 20 yr retirement and will count for me getting more vacation time per year right off the batt. The PO decided not to allow E to go out of state to that forum due to my calling him and saying I was concerned that E "might be getting ready to run", even though I called a few days later after the facts came out and told him it was obvious by that point that it was the other boy trying to get E to. (PO documented that as "E had a plot to run and had taken action on it". Never mind that E never broke his rules of the electronic monitoring or tried to run one time and PO is letting E off house arrest as a result this weekend.) I don't trust this PO to document things correctly and after this and the previous stuff, don't think I'll ever trust him- I think he's a loose cannon. And I want back in my profession and to get compensated accordingly.
But, I can't honestly say it would be worth it if E gets stuck in rural country, bored to tears this summer and in a sd that isn't so welcoming for his senior year of high school and me being stressed over different things than money but still stressed and then E throwing in the towel and self-sabatoging, thereby sabatoging us both again. And I really do want him to be happy, too. E was happy about the move when it was tentative but now that the offer is confirmed, he said it just hit him and he's not so happy because he has this girl at sd and they're kind of leading toward dating and he doesn't want to move early summer because he'd end up spending the summer alone because he wouldn't have anything to do or know any kids his age there until school starts again this fall and then it would be starting all over again and it might not be such a comfortable fit at that school as it is here. That's all true and reasonable. Also, this school found a way to make sure he can still get an advanced diploma (although he'll have to stick to working his rear off his senior year) and if we move, in order to get him to a sd where this is even possible, I'll have to drive 1/2 hr to 1 hr to and from work and we'll be living in a rural environment- right now we are in 'small town' and we used to live in city suburbs. He can walk to the Y, the library, and 3 shopping centers from where we live now for meet-ups with friends and/or to find a summer job. He'll be stuck if we move.
So while the obvious ideal situation would be to wait until next year to even consider something like this, this offer won't wait and I sure can't expect the offers to come next year with fed gov employment slowing down. This job would pay almost twice what I get now and I've been wearing clothes bought at Goodwill. I want my career back and I want to be able to help my son go to college and for me to get a better car so he can get this one and I can have more time off work - but I don't want to put him (and us) in another situation that is so demanding of my time or mental energy that I can't be the mom he needs to stay on track. Or put him in an environment that doesn't offer the supports that help him feel welcomed and engaged.
Sorry this is so long- I'm hoping if I get some others' opinions, maybe the "right" answer will become clearer to me. I have to let the people know Mon. morning when I want my start date to be - I can back out now but can't back out after next week. Unfortunately, I can't take E to the area where the job is to look around and check out housing for 2 weeks. (He's scheduled to take the SAT next Sat.)
If you were in my shoes, what would you do?
(DJ, I might be asking for some info about things in the area where E could look for a job, social events, etc.)