OMG Devon pulled a Wynter

[flutterbee]

I thought Wynter could get loud. With that deep voice of his, I think the windows were rattling.

All because I asked him to rinse the soda cans that had accumulated and put them in the recycling bin. That's it. He went off. Said I was p!ssing him off. Said everyone was. Said he just wanted to sit down for 5 mintues. Well, darlin', that's all you've done since you got out of school...ran around with your friends. He was just trying to be nice, he said, taking his friends places (with his friend, Dan, driving Devon's car). That's your choice, not mine. Then he said I never appreciate anything that he does, never say thank you, and he's not going to do any more favors. (that was my reaction...surprise at his gall and then laughing - inwardly - at his arrogance) Oh, I say thank you every time. No you don't. Wynter piped in, yes she does! Yeah, that didn't tick him off or anything. He said I was yelling at him to do the laundry. I think he's lost his mind. I did all the laundry yesterday and have towels in the dryer and bedding in the wash. Then he said that earlier I was telling him to get out of the house, that I wanted time alone. I told him he was living on another planet. He swore up and down that I did, so I told him to ask Dan who was standing with him the entire time. They came home from school and told ME that they were going to go do this and that.

It was kind of one of those shock moments. Like, how did you get reality so twisted?

I told him not to plan on doing anything tomorrow, which of course is totally unfair. Sorry, bud, you don't get to talk to your mom that way. I told him he'd get over it.

Oh, and it's somehow my fault that his license is suspended and he can't drive for 4 weeks. As if I'm the one that got the ticket. No, I'm just the one that won't let him drive on a suspended license and that is ticking him off. Too bad, so sad.

 

[flutterbee]

Great. Buster is already afraid of Devon. Now he's just shaking.

He and Dan left to take Ashlee home and Devon called to say he was sorry. I told him that he said a lot of mean things and I was upset and I was going to take a while to get over it (meaning tonight).

At least he apologized. Doesn't excuse it, though.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

Well, sounds like something wonky there. Hugs

beth

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I don't get the skewed reality either, yet I distinctly remember doing that very thing to my own mom.

Glad he apologized.

 

[Hound dog]

Well, at least he apologized. But you're right. He's got to learn not to take his anger out on others. So no. Apologizing doesn't make up for it. Just shows he's a easy child. lol

Poor Buster. I think he's leery of males because sister in law played too rough with him. Know what I mean?? easy child has decided if they ever get another dog in the future it's gonna have to be big enough to take sister in law's rough and tumble play. (notice I didn't say Darrin's lol)

Give Buster some snuggles and a kissypoo from his Nana.

Sorry Devon was in a foul mood and decided to cut loose on you.

Hugs

 

[flutterbee]

Before I answered the phone, I heard him telling Dan, "I think I hurt her feelings." I don't know if he was talking about me or Ashlee because, honestly, it could have been either one. I could tell when Ashlee was here that she wasn't too happy with him.

Buster warms up to other guys, although he is timid with them. He's just terrified of Devon. Devon's not mean to him. Lisa, remember when Devon tried to play with him like he does Jewel by getting down on all fours and chasing him around? Buster screamed - it's the only way to describe it - and he hasn't gotten over it. He doesn't run from Devon, but, for example, Buster was on the couch and Devon sat down the way teenagers do - kind of flopped - and Buster peed. Devon has fed him like the vet suggested and tried to make nice with him, but Buster is still scared.

I don't know what was going on with Devon tonight. But, when he went off, he exploded. I was just in shock because it seemed to come out of nowhere and he was so intense.

He stayed away from me when he got home. I didn't talk to him. Although, Wynter was bringing the dishes from her room into the kitchen (I'm pretty sure half of my dishes were in her room - and I have 3 sets) and she stopped while Devon was doing something (I don't know what - I was ignoring him). I was loading the dishwasher and told her to keep going. Devon said to Wynter, not condescendingly, that I have to keep going because I can only stand for so long. I'm pretty sure whatever he was doing was just an excuse to be in the room by me, but I was still too upset. When he explodes like that, he really makes me feel like a horrible mother because of my health with the things he says. It hurts. I already feel guilty enough.

Anyway, it's over and done with and I'm no longer upset. We will be talking tomorrow, though, about him talking to me like that and about his anger. He can be scary when he's like that. And I guess it's like PTSD because of his dad, who was abusive. Devon sounds just like him and is built just like him and when he goes off like that, he acts just like him - without the hitting, but totally irrational. So, that's another reason it took me so long to calm down.

Sorry for rambling.

 

[Hound dog]

Don't feel guilty because you're sick. That's not your fault. I know at times it's easier said than done. But don't beat yourself up over something you can't control.

I'd forgotten about Devon getting down on the floor trying to play with Buster. Sorry, my head is full of so much info right now I just now remembered I forgot the dogs who were put outside to potty and hour ago!!! OMG

Hold on.

Darn! I hate it when I do that!!! Molly and Betsy aren't too pleased with me right now. lol So much for telling Nichole to remind me they were outside. sheesh

Buster might have come around eventually with the food. But now Devon will have to start all over again.....with a more scared Buster this time around. Poor lil guy. He was always scared of husband too although husband never did anything to warrant it. I think it's cuz husband is so big and tall with a deep voice. And Buster is so darn teeny.

Devon has finals coming up soon, doesn't he? Maybe the stress of that coupled with everything else is just getting to him right now. But I can understand how it caused a PTSD moment for you.

Hugs

 

[susiestar]

I am sorry Devon exploded at you that way. It is hard when your child triggers some of the PTSD caused by a spouse or other male relative. Wiz used to trigger mine that was from gfgbro and his abuse.

I think you handled it amazingly well.

I hope that sooner or later Buster adjusts. It may just take a lot of time. If you want I can ask my aunt for tips. She can take ANY abused animal and turn them around - just has a real gift, esp for dogs.

 

[meowbunny]

I wonder how much of this was his frustration at the suspended license. Sadly, you were a handy and safe target. I know my friend's son would be the perfect teen for months on end and then all of a sudden go off on her exactly like Devon did. When he had calmed down and apologized, she'd find out it was because of something stupid he had done that had repercussions he didn't like. Regardless, a day of grounding seems like a very fair consequence for the rudeness.

You're absolutely right, there's no excuse for talking to you like that. Now, my dear, you need to quit feeling guilty for being sick. Yes, it's hard on your kids sometimes but it is much, much harder on you. They're not toddlers. They're not even young kids. Right now, they're at the stage where they need emotional support, mature wisdom, love and nurturing. That you give them in spades. They're old enough and big enough to help with the physical stuff a lot more than they do.

Do remember you support them both financially and emotionally. They have their own rooms. They have nice clothes of their choice. You feed not only them but their friends on a constant basis. You do more than your share of cleaning even while in pain, let alone when you're in a flare. You do a lot for a sick lady, lady!

Heather, most kids would give their eyeteeth for a mom like you. Your kids can talk to you about anything. You welcome their friends. You give all your love and support. They may complain and whine about having to help around the house but, guess what? They'd whine and complain if you perfectly healthy, too. That's what kids do.

 

[TerryJ2]

I'm glad he apologized. A good start.

So sorry he blew up. You are right to wait a day to discuss it with-him.

Sigh. Good luck.

 

[Star*]

Heather -

I'm sure you won't but just a reminder.....

BREATHE~ inhale BREATHE~!

 

[flutterbee]

MB - You made me cry. (Something I can do again since I've been using the natural tears and restasis. ) Thank you for your kind words. Deep down I know what you say is true. Afterall, there's a reason Devon's friends tend to linger for days, weeks at a time.

He's in much better spirits today, but still arguing with me about driving. Some of the times he was just joking, but it's not funny anymore; especially after last night. I told him that I was not having this conversation again, which of course didn't stop him until I got angry and said it with...hmmm....a lot more emphasis. And he's a easy child. I don't know how those of you with difficult child's who have to follow court orders - and they expect you, the parent, to enforce it - manage.

I don't recognize the PTSD stuff until later when I've calmed down. I react so strongly. I shake, but I also get loud and angry. I go into protective mode, I guess.

It happened with a neighbor at my old house. I had called the police because there was a band playing somewhere in my neighborhood and it was shaking my windows. I wasn't the only one that called. I had no idea who it was. If I had known it was this particular neighbor, I would have gone and talked to him. But, short of walking the nieghboorhood, there was no way to know who it was. Anyway, the police officer came to my door because another cop (from the other people that called) had already shut the band down and the cop that came from my door was responding to my complaint and couldn't find the music. My neighbor walked down and was on the sidewalk in front of my house confronting the cop. It freaked me out so much that I didn't even realize until over an hour later that it was who it was. I just saw a man in front of my house who appeared threatening and I went into full panic mode. He even came to the door to apologize and I slammed it in his face. I was on the phone with Janet at the time and I was totally freaking out. She was trying to talk me done, bless her; telling me to breathe.

My dad and both of my husbands were abusive. It doesn't take much for a man to set me off. Men being loud - even in fun, like cheering - makes me want to run. Thing is, I never run. I confront.

Ah, well. More rambling. Just things that the episode last night brought up that I don't think about much. He was just so explosive. It really bothered me, I guess you could say.

 

[meowbunny]

Sorry, didn't mean to make you cry but it is the truth, you know. We don't tell you you're an awesome mom just to say something. At least I don't.

Does Devon know how much his loud voice affects you? If he doesn't, maybe he should. He's a good enough kid that he will probably rarely use that voice against you. I wish PTSD wasn't such a big thing for us. It really would be nice if our kids didn't make us flinch.