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OMG - phone bill
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 235500" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Kjs, I am so very sorry you're going through so much pain. You've already received so much wonderful advice, I really can't add to it without repeating.</p><p> </p><p>I have to say though, so much of this sounds <u>so</u> familiar! Not necessarily the same problem, but the same tactics. I lived with this for well over twenty years so I know all about it! I'm an expert! This kind of stuff messes with your head till you don't know which way is "up" anymore (which is why they do it) and makes you start doubting yourself. He's trying to turn it around on you! You caught him dead to rights ... and instead of admitting it, he's denying it, even when confronted with proof, and trying his best to find fault with YOU! He's minimizing the seriousness of what he did and trying his best to make it sound like YOU are getting upset over nothing! How dare YOU! And he's minimizing your feelings, like YOU are out of line to feel that way, and throwing it in your face by laughing at you! They will try their level best to find fault with YOU and make it sound like YOU have done something way worse tham what THEY did ... and when confronted with proof positive, deny-deny-deny! Sound familiar? You caught him and you have proof of what he did and now HE'S mad at YOU! See what I mean? How I wish I had seen all of this back then as clearly as I do now! PLEASE don't fall for this one! It's a very old trick!</p><p> </p><p>Not to hijack your thread, but as an example, this is what used to go on at my house ... my ex was (and still is) a mean drunk. I could catch him dead to rights doing something horrible, like drinking while he was driving with the kids in the car! I'd angrily confront him. First he'd minimize ... "I'm FINE!" or "Everybody does that!" Then he'd try to turn it around on me. How DARE I accuse him of that! What was wrong with ME? Then he'd manage to get offended at ME for something, maybe even the expression on my face! Then, finally, he would twist it around to where what I had done (I gave him <em>'that look'</em>!) was soooo much worse that what he had done! Then HE was mad at ME, would stomp off in a huff, and wouldn't talk to me for days - he'd say HE was waiting for an apology from ME! By this behavior and trying to put me on the defensive, he accomplished two things: He never had to answer and take responsibility for what he had done ... and he shut me up and put an end to the confrontation. See what I mean?</p><p> </p><p>Honey, you just might be at the point where you have to ask yourself what you are getting out of this 'marriage', is it really worth it to you anymore, and would you be better off with him or without him. And you have to consider the example he is setting for your child. Sending lots of (((hugs))) - I know how difficult this must be for you.</p><p> </p><p>And I second the advice to speak with a domestic violence counselor. The tactics he's using on you are text-book standard and domestic violence workers are very, very good at explaining these things so you can clearly see what's going on.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 235500, member: 1883"] Kjs, I am so very sorry you're going through so much pain. You've already received so much wonderful advice, I really can't add to it without repeating. I have to say though, so much of this sounds [U]so[/U] familiar! Not necessarily the same problem, but the same tactics. I lived with this for well over twenty years so I know all about it! I'm an expert! This kind of stuff messes with your head till you don't know which way is "up" anymore (which is why they do it) and makes you start doubting yourself. He's trying to turn it around on you! You caught him dead to rights ... and instead of admitting it, he's denying it, even when confronted with proof, and trying his best to find fault with YOU! He's minimizing the seriousness of what he did and trying his best to make it sound like YOU are getting upset over nothing! How dare YOU! And he's minimizing your feelings, like YOU are out of line to feel that way, and throwing it in your face by laughing at you! They will try their level best to find fault with YOU and make it sound like YOU have done something way worse tham what THEY did ... and when confronted with proof positive, deny-deny-deny! Sound familiar? You caught him and you have proof of what he did and now HE'S mad at YOU! See what I mean? How I wish I had seen all of this back then as clearly as I do now! PLEASE don't fall for this one! It's a very old trick! Not to hijack your thread, but as an example, this is what used to go on at my house ... my ex was (and still is) a mean drunk. I could catch him dead to rights doing something horrible, like drinking while he was driving with the kids in the car! I'd angrily confront him. First he'd minimize ... "I'm FINE!" or "Everybody does that!" Then he'd try to turn it around on me. How DARE I accuse him of that! What was wrong with ME? Then he'd manage to get offended at ME for something, maybe even the expression on my face! Then, finally, he would twist it around to where what I had done (I gave him [I]'that look'[/I]!) was soooo much worse that what he had done! Then HE was mad at ME, would stomp off in a huff, and wouldn't talk to me for days - he'd say HE was waiting for an apology from ME! By this behavior and trying to put me on the defensive, he accomplished two things: He never had to answer and take responsibility for what he had done ... and he shut me up and put an end to the confrontation. See what I mean? Honey, you just might be at the point where you have to ask yourself what you are getting out of this 'marriage', is it really worth it to you anymore, and would you be better off with him or without him. And you have to consider the example he is setting for your child. Sending lots of (((hugs))) - I know how difficult this must be for you. And I second the advice to speak with a domestic violence counselor. The tactics he's using on you are text-book standard and domestic violence workers are very, very good at explaining these things so you can clearly see what's going on. [/QUOTE]
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