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on the fence - in the war zone
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 106766" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>When you move - take your Mom. </p><p></p><p>You don't have to set down with your kids and discuss the move with them, but it would be good for your kid to let you know WHY he's so afraid of moving again. Is it making new friends? That he feels he has no roots? The stigma of being the new kid in school - again? Being away from his grandparents which despite the mental illness going on currently may give him a sense of security - a man in the house to protect him. These were all things that my son cried about when I decided to buy a house, but (okay and here's where you find out how ill my x was) we moved 44 times in 11 years. difficult child had been a part of that cycle for about 13 moves. </p><p></p><p>Our psychologist said the best thing I could do was buy a home and put down roots so that difficult child would have stability in his life. And for the things he was fearful of - it did help. When he could finally say "I'm going home" instead of "Back to the house" without thinking - it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had long said the same thing. I never had a home with x just a lot of moving. If I put a nail in the wall to hang a picture - we were packing in less than a week. After I bought my own home - it took me a year to hang the first thing with a new nail - I used all existing holes and pushed the nail in with my finger tips. </p><p></p><p>Your Father has some major control issues and depending on your Moms mental state after living with someone abusive for how ever long - she also needs to get help. She doesn't have to stay, and if she wants to then things need to improve - but it isn't YOUR place to tell her that. I suspect she's aware that he's abusive (controlling) and has been able to keep it quiet until you began to live under their roof again. Maybe a talk with your Mom about first getting Dad to a doctor for a full exam is in order. If he will go, and it is a medical condition (lack of oxygen) etc...then things may improve for her quickly, and with you and the kids out of the house - it will help the stress levels for your Dad. If he does go to a Dr. and they find nothing wrong then you know it's a mental health issue and if he chooses to not go to therapy and get on a medications regime? That is your Moms choice to stay. </p><p></p><p>At least now you can stop taking it personal. He's apparently ill and in need of help. I am really sorry for you, but I would muster my finances and see if I could find something to suit my budget in an attempt to get my own home. You can get a HUD home for little to nothing down, or check with Fanny Mae - your local housing agency. Where there is a will there is a way. (Most times) </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your day</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 106766, member: 4964"] When you move - take your Mom. You don't have to set down with your kids and discuss the move with them, but it would be good for your kid to let you know WHY he's so afraid of moving again. Is it making new friends? That he feels he has no roots? The stigma of being the new kid in school - again? Being away from his grandparents which despite the mental illness going on currently may give him a sense of security - a man in the house to protect him. These were all things that my son cried about when I decided to buy a house, but (okay and here's where you find out how ill my x was) we moved 44 times in 11 years. difficult child had been a part of that cycle for about 13 moves. Our psychologist said the best thing I could do was buy a home and put down roots so that difficult child would have stability in his life. And for the things he was fearful of - it did help. When he could finally say "I'm going home" instead of "Back to the house" without thinking - it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had long said the same thing. I never had a home with x just a lot of moving. If I put a nail in the wall to hang a picture - we were packing in less than a week. After I bought my own home - it took me a year to hang the first thing with a new nail - I used all existing holes and pushed the nail in with my finger tips. Your Father has some major control issues and depending on your Moms mental state after living with someone abusive for how ever long - she also needs to get help. She doesn't have to stay, and if she wants to then things need to improve - but it isn't YOUR place to tell her that. I suspect she's aware that he's abusive (controlling) and has been able to keep it quiet until you began to live under their roof again. Maybe a talk with your Mom about first getting Dad to a doctor for a full exam is in order. If he will go, and it is a medical condition (lack of oxygen) etc...then things may improve for her quickly, and with you and the kids out of the house - it will help the stress levels for your Dad. If he does go to a Dr. and they find nothing wrong then you know it's a mental health issue and if he chooses to not go to therapy and get on a medications regime? That is your Moms choice to stay. At least now you can stop taking it personal. He's apparently ill and in need of help. I am really sorry for you, but I would muster my finances and see if I could find something to suit my budget in an attempt to get my own home. You can get a HUD home for little to nothing down, or check with Fanny Mae - your local housing agency. Where there is a will there is a way. (Most times) Hugs for your day Star [/QUOTE]
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