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On the Mommy Merry Go Round again
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<blockquote data-quote="Mamaof5" data-source="post: 387923"><p>How do you stop being the "bad daughter" you ask? Stop being the daughter period. It's unfortunate but it seems your mom is as much a toxic person to you as your GFGBro is. Those two are enabling each other and are in a co-dependant relationship. They are feeding off of each and until your mother learns to stop enabling your GFGBro you need to distance yourself from her in every private aspect of your household period, end of story, end of sentence, done.</p><p></p><p>I had to do this with Evil sister in law (and I don't use that as a term of endearment here). For 10 out of the 12 years I've been with her brother she's been about as evil to me as your GFGBro\mother has been and worse. My sister in law has NPD and possibly Borderline (BPD). I do believe that this falls under some of the sociopathic tendencies, feelings of grandiosity, skewed reality versions compared to what reality is. They are playing the guilt card on you because that card has worked in the past. People who are like you GFGBro, mom and my sister in law will use these manipulators frequently and at will if they see that they work either short term or long term.</p><p></p><p>Keep playing pass the bean dip with her and give her no specific information that should be none of her business, including medical information on the kids. She's refusing to help with your son now out of spite, only hurting her grandchild and it's not surprising that she sees it as hurting you and not him. That's the problem with a skewed sense of reality with toxic people. They only see it as hurting the specific person they are targeting rather than the person who gets a bull's eye painted on their back indirectly in their sense of reality (the toxic person's sense of reality I mean).</p><p></p><p>Another line in the sand to draw perhaps? If you treat us this way we no longer want to speak or be with you. Be damned to their "consequences" of that line drawn, it's time to do for you and yours. You are a mother first, a wife second and then a daughter. Time for your mom to cut the umbilical cord and stop trying to manipulate and control you and your household. Time to stop enabling her to do that. The more you react the more she sees she's getting to you.</p><p></p><p>With my sister in law I had to start saying : Oh, okay. That's your point of view and if you want to do that, your choice but I'm not going to participate. Thank you anyway</p><p>I did it mostly when she tried to control things like family get togethers, reunions, functions or holiday activities. The last time she tried to control the bush camping vacation she ended up going it alone with all her activities because the whole family told her no, they were too busy to participate in her wanted activities and had other plans. This year, didn't even invite her to the bush camping vacation.</p><p></p><p>I think, the short answer is, time to cut direct ties and refuse to deal with her unless she is willing to deal civilly and without incident.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mamaof5, post: 387923"] How do you stop being the "bad daughter" you ask? Stop being the daughter period. It's unfortunate but it seems your mom is as much a toxic person to you as your GFGBro is. Those two are enabling each other and are in a co-dependant relationship. They are feeding off of each and until your mother learns to stop enabling your GFGBro you need to distance yourself from her in every private aspect of your household period, end of story, end of sentence, done. I had to do this with Evil sister in law (and I don't use that as a term of endearment here). For 10 out of the 12 years I've been with her brother she's been about as evil to me as your GFGBro\mother has been and worse. My sister in law has NPD and possibly Borderline (BPD). I do believe that this falls under some of the sociopathic tendencies, feelings of grandiosity, skewed reality versions compared to what reality is. They are playing the guilt card on you because that card has worked in the past. People who are like you GFGBro, mom and my sister in law will use these manipulators frequently and at will if they see that they work either short term or long term. Keep playing pass the bean dip with her and give her no specific information that should be none of her business, including medical information on the kids. She's refusing to help with your son now out of spite, only hurting her grandchild and it's not surprising that she sees it as hurting you and not him. That's the problem with a skewed sense of reality with toxic people. They only see it as hurting the specific person they are targeting rather than the person who gets a bull's eye painted on their back indirectly in their sense of reality (the toxic person's sense of reality I mean). Another line in the sand to draw perhaps? If you treat us this way we no longer want to speak or be with you. Be damned to their "consequences" of that line drawn, it's time to do for you and yours. You are a mother first, a wife second and then a daughter. Time for your mom to cut the umbilical cord and stop trying to manipulate and control you and your household. Time to stop enabling her to do that. The more you react the more she sees she's getting to you. With my sister in law I had to start saying : Oh, okay. That's your point of view and if you want to do that, your choice but I'm not going to participate. Thank you anyway I did it mostly when she tried to control things like family get togethers, reunions, functions or holiday activities. The last time she tried to control the bush camping vacation she ended up going it alone with all her activities because the whole family told her no, they were too busy to participate in her wanted activities and had other plans. This year, didn't even invite her to the bush camping vacation. I think, the short answer is, time to cut direct ties and refuse to deal with her unless she is willing to deal civilly and without incident. [/QUOTE]
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