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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 111283" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>WEll....</p><p></p><p>I read this, and thought about it....</p><p></p><p>You need a break. Plain and simple. You have a GROWN UP difficult child self-medicating and yelling at a young difficult child. Both to some degree can control what they are doing if by NO OTHER way - then shutting their mouths. </p><p></p><p>You are NOT a bad parent. You are a parent, however in a bad situation. It's a bad situation for you, and for difficult child. BBK is right - you have to ask yourself "Is this something I'm willing to live with for the rest of my life?" Personally? HE(( no. Is it a healthy environment? No. Will husband stop drinking if difficult child were a perfect child? Doubtful. But it would help. Would difficult child be a perfect child if husband were not drinking? Nope, but it certainly would help. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what your situation is currently. But after living my life with a drug addict, alcoholic and mouth - I can tell you 100% there is no way I would put my kid through it. Subject him to it. And I would leave. </p><p></p><p>I would pack a bag for myself, my son, I would gather important papers - and I would go get a hotel room, somewhere quiet and I would think. Think about what I wanted my future to be like. Think about what husband is willing to do to make my marriage work. Can he stop drinking? Sure. Will he? Only he knows that. </p><p>But stomping around telling you how bad YOU are doing while he pastes his emotions behind a bottle is just cowardly. He's not coping with the situation at hand (you, his step son, his sobriety) he's masking it. You don't need to be his Mother too - you're his wife. </p><p></p><p>Somehow by the tone of your post I got the idea that you would like him (husband) to leave, but he won't. If he won't - then you go. Get a plan first - unless he gets violent....but yelling at difficult child and you is abusive at the least. Our kids need structure, not more chaos - but they love to create chaos - they seem to feel more at home in a whirlwind. Teaching them to love peace is a life long process. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry hon - My vote is for getting out. No one says you can't go back...but no one is telling you you have to stay in the madness spinning out of control either. </p><p></p><p>Also - if husband is 'egging' difficult child on or provoking him to hit or swing - you REALLY need to get out now. Truly sounds like you'd all benefit from some individual and family therapy. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 111283, member: 4964"] WEll.... I read this, and thought about it.... You need a break. Plain and simple. You have a GROWN UP difficult child self-medicating and yelling at a young difficult child. Both to some degree can control what they are doing if by NO OTHER way - then shutting their mouths. You are NOT a bad parent. You are a parent, however in a bad situation. It's a bad situation for you, and for difficult child. BBK is right - you have to ask yourself "Is this something I'm willing to live with for the rest of my life?" Personally? HE(( no. Is it a healthy environment? No. Will husband stop drinking if difficult child were a perfect child? Doubtful. But it would help. Would difficult child be a perfect child if husband were not drinking? Nope, but it certainly would help. I don't know what your situation is currently. But after living my life with a drug addict, alcoholic and mouth - I can tell you 100% there is no way I would put my kid through it. Subject him to it. And I would leave. I would pack a bag for myself, my son, I would gather important papers - and I would go get a hotel room, somewhere quiet and I would think. Think about what I wanted my future to be like. Think about what husband is willing to do to make my marriage work. Can he stop drinking? Sure. Will he? Only he knows that. But stomping around telling you how bad YOU are doing while he pastes his emotions behind a bottle is just cowardly. He's not coping with the situation at hand (you, his step son, his sobriety) he's masking it. You don't need to be his Mother too - you're his wife. Somehow by the tone of your post I got the idea that you would like him (husband) to leave, but he won't. If he won't - then you go. Get a plan first - unless he gets violent....but yelling at difficult child and you is abusive at the least. Our kids need structure, not more chaos - but they love to create chaos - they seem to feel more at home in a whirlwind. Teaching them to love peace is a life long process. I'm sorry hon - My vote is for getting out. No one says you can't go back...but no one is telling you you have to stay in the madness spinning out of control either. Also - if husband is 'egging' difficult child on or provoking him to hit or swing - you REALLY need to get out now. Truly sounds like you'd all benefit from some individual and family therapy. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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