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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 431876" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>It sounds as if your accumulated stress and frustration has led to you feeling very antagonistic to your eldest son. I do understand something (of course) of how very difficult it is dealing with a difficult child and you also have other children to think of. But I can only imagine that your son feels this lack of acceptance and affection and it makes him worse. Please do not misunderstand and please others do not jump on me for saying this; it is actually quite difficult to say because I think I will be misunderstood <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I am not trying to attack you. Parenting a difficult child is a hell of a job. But when I read your posts I get the impression that you don't like your child and that you somehow feel like he is doing it all on purpose to rile you up. Please tell me if I have got that all wrong. All I know is that I got into a place like that last year. Was feeling SO resentful of and continually upset at my son's obstinacy and refusal to do what I asked, outbursts of temper, etc. I allowed the worst side of my character to come out in regard to him - people listening to us might well have thought "Wow, she really doesn't love that little boy". They might also have thought "That little boy is very hard to love"... And of course once you get on that sort of cycle, it just spins round ever faster, going nowhere good. I had to reclaim my lost affection for my child - who desperately needs it, despite the outward difficulty of his behaviour at times - and that marked a kind of turning point in our relationship and his behaviour. Of course he's still a difficult child and still does stuff that presses my buttons, but if we don't have the strong bond of affection and warmth tying us together, NOTHING seems possible, the whole thing seems hopeless, it truly does. Your son seems somehow like the outsider in your family. You will say perhaps that he has created that situation. That's true in a way but it's because he's a difficult child and cannot help himself. You have the power to change in ways that he presumably doesn't.</p><p>Well, I've said my 2 cents. I do hope you don't take it amiss. My warmest wishes to you and your family in what sounds like such an exhausting and difficult time for each one of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 431876, member: 11227"] It sounds as if your accumulated stress and frustration has led to you feeling very antagonistic to your eldest son. I do understand something (of course) of how very difficult it is dealing with a difficult child and you also have other children to think of. But I can only imagine that your son feels this lack of acceptance and affection and it makes him worse. Please do not misunderstand and please others do not jump on me for saying this; it is actually quite difficult to say because I think I will be misunderstood :-) I am not trying to attack you. Parenting a difficult child is a hell of a job. But when I read your posts I get the impression that you don't like your child and that you somehow feel like he is doing it all on purpose to rile you up. Please tell me if I have got that all wrong. All I know is that I got into a place like that last year. Was feeling SO resentful of and continually upset at my son's obstinacy and refusal to do what I asked, outbursts of temper, etc. I allowed the worst side of my character to come out in regard to him - people listening to us might well have thought "Wow, she really doesn't love that little boy". They might also have thought "That little boy is very hard to love"... And of course once you get on that sort of cycle, it just spins round ever faster, going nowhere good. I had to reclaim my lost affection for my child - who desperately needs it, despite the outward difficulty of his behaviour at times - and that marked a kind of turning point in our relationship and his behaviour. Of course he's still a difficult child and still does stuff that presses my buttons, but if we don't have the strong bond of affection and warmth tying us together, NOTHING seems possible, the whole thing seems hopeless, it truly does. Your son seems somehow like the outsider in your family. You will say perhaps that he has created that situation. That's true in a way but it's because he's a difficult child and cannot help himself. You have the power to change in ways that he presumably doesn't. Well, I've said my 2 cents. I do hope you don't take it amiss. My warmest wishes to you and your family in what sounds like such an exhausting and difficult time for each one of you. [/QUOTE]
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