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General Parenting
OUT OF CONTROL 15 y.o. with- ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="tara w" data-source="post: 48390" data-attributes="member: 3787"><p>thanks for all of your words...</p><p>t. (difficult child) didn't come home last night. he didn't go to school this a.m. and my brother (his father) realized that t. came home when no one was around, grabbed his own ATM card and left again. no note. no i'm sorry. nothing. he's gone again. and with cash in hand, i guess he's planning on staying out long enough to prove a point.</p><p></p><p>we (my bro and & i) had a meeting with t.'s phychologist/therapist this a.m. she was expecting t. but, as he was m.i.a., it was a bit impossible for him to be at the appointment.</p><p>she believes that t. is trying to sabotage his circumstances. almost like, "i'll destroy this and push you to your breaking point before you can destroy it for me." </p><p></p><p></p><p>her advice:</p><p></p><p>1. we need to establish rules and expectations (which we've done in the past to no avail) 2. if t. follows such rules, he gets privileges 3.if he chooses not to follow such rules, he doesn't get what he wants</p><p>4. if he fights the rules or tries to manipulate the rules, it is HIS CHOICE and natural consequences will eventually follow.</p><p></p><p>my brother is not to argue with t. and to say as little as possible except for "this is what i expect of you. these are the rules that i've created for you." if t. decides he doesn't WANT to follow them, it is his choice and should be left as such. there will be no more confrontation. </p><p></p><p>it's very easy for a stranger to sit across from you and tell you what to do. it's quite another thing when you don't know where your nephew/daughter/son/brother is and you're scared sh*tless. it's easy to say, "let him make his own choices, and he will learn by natural consequences" but they are no the one who sees him destroying not only HIS life, but the lives of those who love him. part of me feels like by following her advice we're just letting him do whatever he wants; but on the other hand, how can you MAKE someone do something?</p><p></p><p>i think about the natural consequences that we talked about today... what might that mean? police? theft? pregnancy? jail? i consider all of those all of those scenerios and hope that something will humble him before he ruins his life permanently.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tara w, post: 48390, member: 3787"] thanks for all of your words... t. (difficult child) didn't come home last night. he didn't go to school this a.m. and my brother (his father) realized that t. came home when no one was around, grabbed his own ATM card and left again. no note. no i'm sorry. nothing. he's gone again. and with cash in hand, i guess he's planning on staying out long enough to prove a point. we (my bro and & i) had a meeting with t.'s phychologist/therapist this a.m. she was expecting t. but, as he was m.i.a., it was a bit impossible for him to be at the appointment. she believes that t. is trying to sabotage his circumstances. almost like, "i'll destroy this and push you to your breaking point before you can destroy it for me." her advice: 1. we need to establish rules and expectations (which we've done in the past to no avail) 2. if t. follows such rules, he gets privileges 3.if he chooses not to follow such rules, he doesn't get what he wants 4. if he fights the rules or tries to manipulate the rules, it is HIS CHOICE and natural consequences will eventually follow. my brother is not to argue with t. and to say as little as possible except for "this is what i expect of you. these are the rules that i've created for you." if t. decides he doesn't WANT to follow them, it is his choice and should be left as such. there will be no more confrontation. it's very easy for a stranger to sit across from you and tell you what to do. it's quite another thing when you don't know where your nephew/daughter/son/brother is and you're scared sh*tless. it's easy to say, "let him make his own choices, and he will learn by natural consequences" but they are no the one who sees him destroying not only HIS life, but the lives of those who love him. part of me feels like by following her advice we're just letting him do whatever he wants; but on the other hand, how can you MAKE someone do something? i think about the natural consequences that we talked about today... what might that mean? police? theft? pregnancy? jail? i consider all of those all of those scenerios and hope that something will humble him before he ruins his life permanently. [/QUOTE]
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