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General Parenting
OUT OF CONTROL 15 y.o. with- ODD
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 48523" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Tara,</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are going through this but it sounds like you and your brother are doing what you can to help your nephew. We adopted our daughter and last year she was where your nephew is now. She was hanging with a bunch of thugs and we never knew when she would come home or in what shape. We ended up filing unruly charges on her and she spent a weekend in juvenile detention. We called the police so many times on her that I knew most of them by name and many of them still remember me when they see me in the community. </p><p></p><p>This year she finally decided she was sick of being in toruble all the time and changed her friends and that made all the difference.</p><p></p><p>You said something that really struck me though...</p><p></p><p>"she believes that t. is trying to sabotage his circumstances. almost like, "i'll destroy this and push you to your breaking point before you can destroy it for me." </p><p></p><p>While my difficult child is not using drugs or alcohol anymore and isn't hanging with thugs or failing school, she still has a lot of anger inside that I believe comes from being adopted. Her birthday is next week and the past few weeks she has been very nasty at home. She does this every year close to her birthday or any holiday. I believe she wants us to be so angry with her that we won't want to make her birthday special and it will be a self fulfilling prophecy...she expects to be disappointed so she sets it up to happen. She destroys the event before we can do it for her....that's the way I believe she thinks. Her birthmother disappointed her and so her entire life has been spent in trying to make us disapooint her too.</p><p></p><p>I agree you should establish rules and stick to them. Be prepared to follow through on the consequences. We took a huge chance in involving the police and I don't advocate everyone do that. But we knew she would end up in jail if she didn't do something drastic.</p><p></p><p>Be prepared that you may not be able to save him from himself. He may have to hit bottom before he decides to change, if ever. But don't allow him to drive or get his license while he is acting out the way he is. Our difficult child will not be getting her license at 16 next week. We told her that until she gets her anger under control she has no business behind the wheel of a car.</p><p></p><p>I wish I had better answers. </p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 48523, member: 59"] Tara, I'm sorry you are going through this but it sounds like you and your brother are doing what you can to help your nephew. We adopted our daughter and last year she was where your nephew is now. She was hanging with a bunch of thugs and we never knew when she would come home or in what shape. We ended up filing unruly charges on her and she spent a weekend in juvenile detention. We called the police so many times on her that I knew most of them by name and many of them still remember me when they see me in the community. This year she finally decided she was sick of being in toruble all the time and changed her friends and that made all the difference. You said something that really struck me though... "she believes that t. is trying to sabotage his circumstances. almost like, "i'll destroy this and push you to your breaking point before you can destroy it for me." While my difficult child is not using drugs or alcohol anymore and isn't hanging with thugs or failing school, she still has a lot of anger inside that I believe comes from being adopted. Her birthday is next week and the past few weeks she has been very nasty at home. She does this every year close to her birthday or any holiday. I believe she wants us to be so angry with her that we won't want to make her birthday special and it will be a self fulfilling prophecy...she expects to be disappointed so she sets it up to happen. She destroys the event before we can do it for her....that's the way I believe she thinks. Her birthmother disappointed her and so her entire life has been spent in trying to make us disapooint her too. I agree you should establish rules and stick to them. Be prepared to follow through on the consequences. We took a huge chance in involving the police and I don't advocate everyone do that. But we knew she would end up in jail if she didn't do something drastic. Be prepared that you may not be able to save him from himself. He may have to hit bottom before he decides to change, if ever. But don't allow him to drive or get his license while he is acting out the way he is. Our difficult child will not be getting her license at 16 next week. We told her that until she gets her anger under control she has no business behind the wheel of a car. I wish I had better answers. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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