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Out of control 18 year old Daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 523222" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>For the record, NY state is insane. </p><p></p><p>Ok, so you're responsible for her financially (like I said, insane) until she is 21. Does that mean she is not considered a legal adult until she is 21?? What happens to that financial responsibility should she move out of your home? Good grief, this law makes no sense to me if she has all the freedoms of an adult, yet your still legally responsible for her. </p><p></p><p>I'm asking the part about are you still financially responsible for her should she choose to move out........because if not, that would be a big boon for you. </p><p></p><p>I wonder if you could talk to a lawyer about this and get the nitty gritty of it spelled out for you in your situation? Because lay people interpreting the law can often be wrong and sometimes there are loop holes that can give you some elbow room that the public doesn't know about.</p><p></p><p>As for her being hunky dory with her room?? It's a ploy to make you believe she's ok with it. Keep the room the same. Eventually, it will get to her. In the meantime there is nothing in it for you to really have to replace. </p><p></p><p>Do you pay for her cell phone? You can take it away. Does she have a computer? Yup that too. Video game system? Sure thing, take it. Try to think of things that for her are a privilege, even less obvious ones. She can earn them back as she learns to follow house rules and treat you and your home with respect. </p><p></p><p>I dunno. I'm going to have to think on this a while. That law has your hands tied in some ways and it's ridiculous. </p><p></p><p>For the physical abuse, call the police and have her arrested. I know this may sound harsh and cruel. I know it's not easy to do. But the behavior will continue to escalate until you start taking this step. Because each time you don't make the call and have charges filed on her, you're reinforcing with YOUR behavior that it is ok for her to abuse people. The same with stealing. </p><p></p><p>She has a mental illness to be certain. But she also knows right from wrong. Her mental illnesses <strong>do not excuse</strong> her behaviors, they simply explain them. Your daughter makes her own choices, right or wrong. Yes, unstable she will make more wrong ones than right ones. But they are still her choices and they still have consequences. That is the way the real world works....and at some point, she will have to live in the real world. The sooner she learns this hard lesson, the better for her. </p><p></p><p>Yup. I know that can be a <strong>very hard</strong> step for a parent to have to make. Some of us don't even have to think about it. (me for example) For some it takes time to finally get to that point because they see it as they're hurting their child's future or whatever other excuse they come up with. But would you not call the police if this was a stranger doing this to you? Even if said stranger was mentally ill? And thanks to this stupid state law, it may be your only alternative to get her to see that treatment is a valuable tool to a successful life. </p><p></p><p>It's your home. You have every right NOT to be abused or stolen from in your own home, even by your own child. It might help put it into perspective to call a local domestic violence shelter and to talk to one of the counselors because abuse from your kid <strong>IS</strong> domestic violence.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you're having to go through this. </p><p></p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 523222, member: 84"] For the record, NY state is insane. Ok, so you're responsible for her financially (like I said, insane) until she is 21. Does that mean she is not considered a legal adult until she is 21?? What happens to that financial responsibility should she move out of your home? Good grief, this law makes no sense to me if she has all the freedoms of an adult, yet your still legally responsible for her. I'm asking the part about are you still financially responsible for her should she choose to move out........because if not, that would be a big boon for you. I wonder if you could talk to a lawyer about this and get the nitty gritty of it spelled out for you in your situation? Because lay people interpreting the law can often be wrong and sometimes there are loop holes that can give you some elbow room that the public doesn't know about. As for her being hunky dory with her room?? It's a ploy to make you believe she's ok with it. Keep the room the same. Eventually, it will get to her. In the meantime there is nothing in it for you to really have to replace. Do you pay for her cell phone? You can take it away. Does she have a computer? Yup that too. Video game system? Sure thing, take it. Try to think of things that for her are a privilege, even less obvious ones. She can earn them back as she learns to follow house rules and treat you and your home with respect. I dunno. I'm going to have to think on this a while. That law has your hands tied in some ways and it's ridiculous. For the physical abuse, call the police and have her arrested. I know this may sound harsh and cruel. I know it's not easy to do. But the behavior will continue to escalate until you start taking this step. Because each time you don't make the call and have charges filed on her, you're reinforcing with YOUR behavior that it is ok for her to abuse people. The same with stealing. She has a mental illness to be certain. But she also knows right from wrong. Her mental illnesses [B]do not excuse[/B] her behaviors, they simply explain them. Your daughter makes her own choices, right or wrong. Yes, unstable she will make more wrong ones than right ones. But they are still her choices and they still have consequences. That is the way the real world works....and at some point, she will have to live in the real world. The sooner she learns this hard lesson, the better for her. Yup. I know that can be a [B]very hard[/B] step for a parent to have to make. Some of us don't even have to think about it. (me for example) For some it takes time to finally get to that point because they see it as they're hurting their child's future or whatever other excuse they come up with. But would you not call the police if this was a stranger doing this to you? Even if said stranger was mentally ill? And thanks to this stupid state law, it may be your only alternative to get her to see that treatment is a valuable tool to a successful life. It's your home. You have every right NOT to be abused or stolen from in your own home, even by your own child. It might help put it into perspective to call a local domestic violence shelter and to talk to one of the counselors because abuse from your kid [B]IS[/B] domestic violence. I am so sorry you're having to go through this. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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