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Parent Emeritus
Out of control 18 year old Daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 524006" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Distressed - </p><p></p><p>Hi and Hugs - HUGE ones - because it sounds like you are at the same place we were with our son when we (he and I) had the blow up of the century. I probably should have been carted off by one of any number of agencies. Name one - they could have come. I was lobing 3-4 lb. rocks at my son and using language that had built up inside of me for YEARS and YEARS. Funny though, after biting my tongue clear to a nub all those years and being the "bigger person" and saying nothing? I was surprised I could muster any audible words at all, but sister let me tell you - Even the neighbors pit bulls a 1/2 mile down the road that NEVER EVER shut up, were silent as the grave. My own fiance tried to come out and get in the middle of the affair and soon found out it was ill advised and nearly got co-cocked, and just stood back to call 911 should anyone need medical assistance. I'm still finding (ashamedly) rocks on the other side of the property. That was almost 3.5 years ago. My son was something like 16.5 going on 33. With a mouth to rival the worst man-child you'd ever heard and said things that still tear at my heart if I think about them - horrible awful things. He destroyed my house, he destroyed his room, he destroyed our relationship and then I'm told "Well you're responsible for him" BOY OH BOY. And my options here are what? Turn him in, ruin his life, waste my time - gosh wonderful. </p><p>Well we'd already done THAT - and it got him a felony charge. FUN! Yup the police lied to us, and we did the right, parental thing and it was the way wrong thing to do. So I get where you are coming from - BUT...in the long run? It WAS a right thing to do. Stealing and treating people like dirt just couldn't go on. </p><p>So we put him on a train, packed his bags, and let him go live life. </p><p>We reported him every single time he didn't come home at night - </p><p>Reported him every single time he didn't come home by noon the next day - AND the reason that we did that under advice of council is because - SHOULD something happen (god forbid) to your child while they are OUT and about -and you are having a much deserved (no one takes that from you) break? AND YOU do NOT report a minor as a runaway? When they are found? Let me tell you about the responsibiltiy and YOU getting into BIG TIME TROUBLE and being liable. IT IS HUGE. SO ---my only bit of advice here - is EACH and every time she runs? Make a report. Doesn't come home? Report. Know where she's at? Tell the police. </p><p></p><p>Eventually - they get tired of her beeswax, and tell her in POLICE terms that she will understand, and it starts a papertrail that you CAN take to Family court to get a hearing with a family court judge and get a petition of incorrigibility. This means YOU GET HELP - and she gets placement - out of the house of somekind for some length of time. Will it help her? Probably not. Will it give you a cooling off period? ABSOLUTELY. Could she learn something? Maybe. She may get lucky get evaluated, and get on medications that help and want the help. I rather doubt it at her age...but anything is possible. I pray all the time for possible and hope. </p><p></p><p>The other option is to get yourself into counseling, and learn how to deal with this child that is ruining your life and running your house and figure out the law until she's of age - do nothing other than that, and suffer through it until you can legally put her out, come here get support and hopefully learn to detach from her behaviors, get some tips and try to survive it. Not the best advice, but along the way you do pick up tips from the parents here that help you cope. NOT wanting your daughter to have a record is commendable but unrealistic at this point to think that she's not going to go out into the real world and treat others like she's treating you. It just prolongs the process. Really. There are a few exceptions of course, but with the severity you describe? Well it could happen and I'll leave it at that if that's your hope. </p><p></p><p>Glad you found us, and glad you're here. Don't take the suggestions as YOU MUSTs.......it's just suggestions - take what you can from it - and hang in there. No one is saying what you should do, have to do - there's just a lot of experience whirling here - and well I guess if I had all the answers too? I'd have my own show, and a job, and be somehwere in Eastern Africa looking at cool wildlife through a camera lense not sitting in my bedroom typing and looking for a new job....and wondering what my sons doing. lol.....see....we're all in it together. </p><p></p><p>Hugs & Welcome </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 524006, member: 4964"] Distressed - Hi and Hugs - HUGE ones - because it sounds like you are at the same place we were with our son when we (he and I) had the blow up of the century. I probably should have been carted off by one of any number of agencies. Name one - they could have come. I was lobing 3-4 lb. rocks at my son and using language that had built up inside of me for YEARS and YEARS. Funny though, after biting my tongue clear to a nub all those years and being the "bigger person" and saying nothing? I was surprised I could muster any audible words at all, but sister let me tell you - Even the neighbors pit bulls a 1/2 mile down the road that NEVER EVER shut up, were silent as the grave. My own fiance tried to come out and get in the middle of the affair and soon found out it was ill advised and nearly got co-cocked, and just stood back to call 911 should anyone need medical assistance. I'm still finding (ashamedly) rocks on the other side of the property. That was almost 3.5 years ago. My son was something like 16.5 going on 33. With a mouth to rival the worst man-child you'd ever heard and said things that still tear at my heart if I think about them - horrible awful things. He destroyed my house, he destroyed his room, he destroyed our relationship and then I'm told "Well you're responsible for him" BOY OH BOY. And my options here are what? Turn him in, ruin his life, waste my time - gosh wonderful. Well we'd already done THAT - and it got him a felony charge. FUN! Yup the police lied to us, and we did the right, parental thing and it was the way wrong thing to do. So I get where you are coming from - BUT...in the long run? It WAS a right thing to do. Stealing and treating people like dirt just couldn't go on. So we put him on a train, packed his bags, and let him go live life. We reported him every single time he didn't come home at night - Reported him every single time he didn't come home by noon the next day - AND the reason that we did that under advice of council is because - SHOULD something happen (god forbid) to your child while they are OUT and about -and you are having a much deserved (no one takes that from you) break? AND YOU do NOT report a minor as a runaway? When they are found? Let me tell you about the responsibiltiy and YOU getting into BIG TIME TROUBLE and being liable. IT IS HUGE. SO ---my only bit of advice here - is EACH and every time she runs? Make a report. Doesn't come home? Report. Know where she's at? Tell the police. Eventually - they get tired of her beeswax, and tell her in POLICE terms that she will understand, and it starts a papertrail that you CAN take to Family court to get a hearing with a family court judge and get a petition of incorrigibility. This means YOU GET HELP - and she gets placement - out of the house of somekind for some length of time. Will it help her? Probably not. Will it give you a cooling off period? ABSOLUTELY. Could she learn something? Maybe. She may get lucky get evaluated, and get on medications that help and want the help. I rather doubt it at her age...but anything is possible. I pray all the time for possible and hope. The other option is to get yourself into counseling, and learn how to deal with this child that is ruining your life and running your house and figure out the law until she's of age - do nothing other than that, and suffer through it until you can legally put her out, come here get support and hopefully learn to detach from her behaviors, get some tips and try to survive it. Not the best advice, but along the way you do pick up tips from the parents here that help you cope. NOT wanting your daughter to have a record is commendable but unrealistic at this point to think that she's not going to go out into the real world and treat others like she's treating you. It just prolongs the process. Really. There are a few exceptions of course, but with the severity you describe? Well it could happen and I'll leave it at that if that's your hope. Glad you found us, and glad you're here. Don't take the suggestions as YOU MUSTs.......it's just suggestions - take what you can from it - and hang in there. No one is saying what you should do, have to do - there's just a lot of experience whirling here - and well I guess if I had all the answers too? I'd have my own show, and a job, and be somehwere in Eastern Africa looking at cool wildlife through a camera lense not sitting in my bedroom typing and looking for a new job....and wondering what my sons doing. lol.....see....we're all in it together. Hugs & Welcome Star [/QUOTE]
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