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Parent Emeritus
Overwhelming Pain
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 661501" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I for one am excited for her. She is on the road to make her own life. Let her.</p><p></p><p>I am guessing that some of your pain is guilt. I made this mistake. I felt that if my son was suffering or mad at me, or gossiping about me with my neighbors, that it was my fault. That had I been a better mother, he would not be doing these things. <strong><u>WRONG.</u></strong></p><p></p><p>My son can do whatever he wants. It is a free country. He is an adult. He is responsible for his behaviors and choices. It has nothing to do with me even if he says it does. I get to decide for myself how I help him, or not. I get to decide how I feel about myself. I get to define myself.</p><p></p><p>You are giving your daughter too much power over your feelings and your sense of yourself.</p><p></p><p>At the same time it seems you may have not have accepted fully that her decisions are hers to make. Her lifestyle. Her friends. Her behaviors. Hers not yours.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is. I am in the same spot as you. You are doing better than I am, in fact. Give yourself credit and go about making the absolute best life you can.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter will come back sooner or later. I would start now thinking about what kind of boundaries you want.</p><p></p><p>Believe me, this online pan handling making up stories will soon run dry.</p><p></p><p>It is really all about you now. She did you a favor by her behavior. She made it clear cut.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 661501, member: 18958"] I for one am excited for her. She is on the road to make her own life. Let her. I am guessing that some of your pain is guilt. I made this mistake. I felt that if my son was suffering or mad at me, or gossiping about me with my neighbors, that it was my fault. That had I been a better mother, he would not be doing these things. [B][U]WRONG.[/U][/B] My son can do whatever he wants. It is a free country. He is an adult. He is responsible for his behaviors and choices. It has nothing to do with me even if he says it does. I get to decide for myself how I help him, or not. I get to decide how I feel about myself. I get to define myself. You are giving your daughter too much power over your feelings and your sense of yourself. At the same time it seems you may have not have accepted fully that her decisions are hers to make. Her lifestyle. Her friends. Her behaviors. Hers not yours. I know how hard this is. I am in the same spot as you. You are doing better than I am, in fact. Give yourself credit and go about making the absolute best life you can. Your daughter will come back sooner or later. I would start now thinking about what kind of boundaries you want. Believe me, this online pan handling making up stories will soon run dry. It is really all about you now. She did you a favor by her behavior. She made it clear cut. [/QUOTE]
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