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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 296844" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Shy - </p><p> </p><p>I remember your situation and of you telling us before that the police were of little/no help with him. My next suggestion would be for you to call a domestic violence shelter. Your situation is not one that is normal and doesn't fit into the regular norms of anytown USA. I think the police are uninvolved and figure "Hey this is HER problem." </p><p> </p><p>I know you are afraid. The biggest fear I ever had of reporting my ex for domestic violence was that once he got out there would be he** to pay for turning him in. So, I never did. I just took it and took it because I felt I deserved it. Shy- For whatver you think you did or didn't do in your sons life - you never deserved to be hit by him. I had so much guilt that I could hardly swallow my own tears when my son would say ugly things to me - I felt I deserved every ugly thing he said. </p><p> </p><p>You said you had him at a young age, you moved him around, he lived with your Mom, you were financially disadvantaged. Yeah - well, lots worse things could have happened, but you know what? I did NOT read anywhere in there or in between those lines that you EVER stopped loving him or ever gave up on him. What I read instead was you gave up on yourself and you allowed him to use you for a punching bag because you felt guilty for all the things you didn't give him. (maybe....it takes one to know one ?) Before things get worse - will you please call this number below and talk anonymously to a domestic violence counselor? I know you don't want to call the police, but you can't live like you are living. None of you can. YOU can't allow your son to continue to beat up on people when he doesn't get his way or is frustrated by simple requests. </p><p> </p><p><strong>1.800.799.SAFE (7233) </strong></p><p>This is the National Domestic Abuse Hotline - if you don't know where you can go in your area - you can call them and they will talk to you and get you to the place in your area that can help you. </p><p> </p><p>I'm not asking you to call the cops on your son. I wish you would, not because it's the right thing to do (because I think it is) but you have a right to be safe in your own home and I would hope that once he is in jail and goes before a judge he would get some much needed help and anger management classes. But since you probably won't or you'll wait until the next time - maybe talking to these people can get you some help now and get him some help too. Your entire family is in crisis. The sad part about it is that about the only way I see that your son IS going to get help is if you DO call the police and have him arrested - I doubt he's going to go to anger management classes through a domestic violence shelter. So in the mean time - YOU GO. YOU get educated and YOU find out what is out there for you - and for that girlfriend of his. YOU both go and find out how people should be treated and what will and won't be tolerated. </p><p> </p><p>They have classes that meet with other people who have been through this, people like me - who have been through hades and come out on the other side and will never tolerate this kind of behavior in their homes ever again. There are people there who are transitioning from severely abusive homes and learning how to survive on their own - alone....with kids. It's all about helping each other....Know what I mean?? No one says you have to stay - just check it out maybe? </p><p> </p><p>I would make another suggestion - if your son would go for it - since he's diagnosis BiPolar (BP) - maybe he would take the medicaid and go get a counselor at mental health and get on some medication to help with the moods? </p><p> </p><p>Hugs -</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 296844, member: 4964"] Shy - I remember your situation and of you telling us before that the police were of little/no help with him. My next suggestion would be for you to call a domestic violence shelter. Your situation is not one that is normal and doesn't fit into the regular norms of anytown USA. I think the police are uninvolved and figure "Hey this is HER problem." I know you are afraid. The biggest fear I ever had of reporting my ex for domestic violence was that once he got out there would be he** to pay for turning him in. So, I never did. I just took it and took it because I felt I deserved it. Shy- For whatver you think you did or didn't do in your sons life - you never deserved to be hit by him. I had so much guilt that I could hardly swallow my own tears when my son would say ugly things to me - I felt I deserved every ugly thing he said. You said you had him at a young age, you moved him around, he lived with your Mom, you were financially disadvantaged. Yeah - well, lots worse things could have happened, but you know what? I did NOT read anywhere in there or in between those lines that you EVER stopped loving him or ever gave up on him. What I read instead was you gave up on yourself and you allowed him to use you for a punching bag because you felt guilty for all the things you didn't give him. (maybe....it takes one to know one ?) Before things get worse - will you please call this number below and talk anonymously to a domestic violence counselor? I know you don't want to call the police, but you can't live like you are living. None of you can. YOU can't allow your son to continue to beat up on people when he doesn't get his way or is frustrated by simple requests. [B]1.800.799.SAFE (7233) [/B] This is the National Domestic Abuse Hotline - if you don't know where you can go in your area - you can call them and they will talk to you and get you to the place in your area that can help you. I'm not asking you to call the cops on your son. I wish you would, not because it's the right thing to do (because I think it is) but you have a right to be safe in your own home and I would hope that once he is in jail and goes before a judge he would get some much needed help and anger management classes. But since you probably won't or you'll wait until the next time - maybe talking to these people can get you some help now and get him some help too. Your entire family is in crisis. The sad part about it is that about the only way I see that your son IS going to get help is if you DO call the police and have him arrested - I doubt he's going to go to anger management classes through a domestic violence shelter. So in the mean time - YOU GO. YOU get educated and YOU find out what is out there for you - and for that girlfriend of his. YOU both go and find out how people should be treated and what will and won't be tolerated. They have classes that meet with other people who have been through this, people like me - who have been through hades and come out on the other side and will never tolerate this kind of behavior in their homes ever again. There are people there who are transitioning from severely abusive homes and learning how to survive on their own - alone....with kids. It's all about helping each other....Know what I mean?? No one says you have to stay - just check it out maybe? I would make another suggestion - if your son would go for it - since he's diagnosis BiPolar (BP) - maybe he would take the medicaid and go get a counselor at mental health and get on some medication to help with the moods? Hugs - [/QUOTE]
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