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Parents turned on me after I finally kicked out 19yo son
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<blockquote data-quote="helpangel" data-source="post: 615874" data-attributes="member: 7170"><p>It use to amaze me when dealing with Angel during her unstable years how I was the victim but in her mind would turn it all into my fault. She would look at me with that snarky look and declare "YOU BROKE MY MIRROR" when the reality was I spent 3 1/2 weeks in a neck brace because she swung her body weight from my hair then slammed me into her mirror. I didn't brake her mirror the back of my head did when she tried to put it thru the #%@!!! mirror!</p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like your son is pulling the same nonsense on you, no matter how he candy coats it him grabbing you like that was assault and he has repeatedly disrespected you in person and online. Your husband I can't imagine how he feels... a lot of men would have beat him silly by now; but you love your kid and would have problem ever forgiving husband if he did try to whoop some sense into him... not much choice but try to stay out of it, but how do you support SO yet stay out of something that has consumed so much of their existence?</p><p></p><p>I never had money to give them in the first place so "cutting them off" never applied to me, but can imagine if I did have money to help a kid financially I would continue to do so but would add some strings attached to it. Example base amount of money (minimum needed to squeak by), every time disrespect me I subtract X amount, do something nice or speak well of me - anything that brings me joy or happiness I'll throw in a little extra.</p><p></p><p>With Angel having Asperger's in addition to the bipolar I would have to be very clear cut on the specifics of the deal (she's very black/white thinking about stuff like this). She never responded well to rules it was more I had to reward the behaviors I liked and ignore the ones I didn't.</p><p></p><p>I'm not sure how to advise you except try to separate the way you feel about him the person from the behaviors. You love him but these behaviors you gotta hate and he shouldn't feel like you are rewarding those horrible behaviors. Sorry this got so long... Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpangel, post: 615874, member: 7170"] It use to amaze me when dealing with Angel during her unstable years how I was the victim but in her mind would turn it all into my fault. She would look at me with that snarky look and declare "YOU BROKE MY MIRROR" when the reality was I spent 3 1/2 weeks in a neck brace because she swung her body weight from my hair then slammed me into her mirror. I didn't brake her mirror the back of my head did when she tried to put it thru the #%@!!! mirror! It sounds to me like your son is pulling the same nonsense on you, no matter how he candy coats it him grabbing you like that was assault and he has repeatedly disrespected you in person and online. Your husband I can't imagine how he feels... a lot of men would have beat him silly by now; but you love your kid and would have problem ever forgiving husband if he did try to whoop some sense into him... not much choice but try to stay out of it, but how do you support SO yet stay out of something that has consumed so much of their existence? I never had money to give them in the first place so "cutting them off" never applied to me, but can imagine if I did have money to help a kid financially I would continue to do so but would add some strings attached to it. Example base amount of money (minimum needed to squeak by), every time disrespect me I subtract X amount, do something nice or speak well of me - anything that brings me joy or happiness I'll throw in a little extra. With Angel having Asperger's in addition to the bipolar I would have to be very clear cut on the specifics of the deal (she's very black/white thinking about stuff like this). She never responded well to rules it was more I had to reward the behaviors I liked and ignore the ones I didn't. I'm not sure how to advise you except try to separate the way you feel about him the person from the behaviors. You love him but these behaviors you gotta hate and he shouldn't feel like you are rewarding those horrible behaviors. Sorry this got so long... Nancy [/QUOTE]
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Parents turned on me after I finally kicked out 19yo son
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