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Parents turned on me after I finally kicked out 19yo son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 617286" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Are you talking about "mind blindness?" </p><p></p><p>in my opinion when your son grabbed you, being as tall and big as he is and threatening you, that was domestic abuse. No matter what mental illness he has, it is HIS RESPONSIBILITY to take control of his illness...to take his medication without indulging in drinking and recreational drugs that will stop the good effects of his medication, go to therapy and work his tail off (it is hard to do good therapy) and learn coping skills that will help him not become violent. He has no right to touch you without your permission. If he did that to somebody else, they could call the cops and he could get pulled in.</p><p></p><p>I have a mood disorder that they call Mood Disorder not otherwise specified. It isn't exactly bipolar because I get very definite depression but have only had a few episodes of hypomania, which I enjoyed very much (to anyone who has had mania...I'm grinning with you). Those epiosdes however were not psychotic and did nobody any harm and I didn't even recognize them as being hypomanic. I just knew I'd snapped instantly from depression into "feel good." I still need to take my medication, and at age sixty I am still working hard in therapy because you can slip up. This is a lifelong challenge and if I had depended upon my parents to help me, I'd have been screwed long ago since my mom died a long time ago. This is his path to walk. You can't do it for him. </p><p></p><p>by the way, you didn't MAKE him do anything. None of us have the ability to make another person do something. We can say something that they may not like, and how they handle that is their own decision. Your son made a decision to put his hands on you. I suspect he has done this before. </p><p></p><p>A thirty day inpatient program won't do much. I've been in hospitals three times...good ones. They are mainly for stabilization. When I went in the first time, I was pregnant and stayed ten weeks. Now you are lucky if you are allowed to stay for ten days or at all unless you are actively suicidal or homicidal. </p><p></p><p>It's your son who needs the fixing, not you, as far as his issues go. However, you have to decide how to handle his issues. That's where I feel Al-Anon has good advice, even if your son isn't using drugs or drinking that you know of. I also think NAMI is good. Most of all, I think a good therapist for you and only for you would help you navigate through this journey and help you deal with family members not understanding and maybe being unkind to you. </p><p></p><p>ODD is not really a diagnosis your son is likely to get at his age. Once they are over eighteen it becomes an issue of whether or not he has a conscience and cares about right or wrong. Usually our mentally ill adult child (and any mentally ill adult such as myself) have more than one issue going on and the only way for us to get better is for us to be WANT to get better, to comply with treatment and to work our tails off to overcome our challenges. The onus is 100% on the patient. Think of it like this...if a patient is diagnosed with cancer and refuses chemo, what happens? Who has to decide to get treatment? Who has to decide to do everything the doctors say? Who makes decisions when one is ill?</p><p></p><p>Mental illness is a brain disorder. It is genetic and a physical problem. Only the patient can do what is needed to make himself well. Your son is on his own, as anyone with mental illness is. Oh, you can give him support but only HE can decide, "I don't want to be this way and I'm going to do all I can to change things." And until he has that lightbulb moment, he will remain ill.</p><p></p><p>Hugs. I'm so sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 617286, member: 1550"] Are you talking about "mind blindness?" in my opinion when your son grabbed you, being as tall and big as he is and threatening you, that was domestic abuse. No matter what mental illness he has, it is HIS RESPONSIBILITY to take control of his illness...to take his medication without indulging in drinking and recreational drugs that will stop the good effects of his medication, go to therapy and work his tail off (it is hard to do good therapy) and learn coping skills that will help him not become violent. He has no right to touch you without your permission. If he did that to somebody else, they could call the cops and he could get pulled in. I have a mood disorder that they call Mood Disorder not otherwise specified. It isn't exactly bipolar because I get very definite depression but have only had a few episodes of hypomania, which I enjoyed very much (to anyone who has had mania...I'm grinning with you). Those epiosdes however were not psychotic and did nobody any harm and I didn't even recognize them as being hypomanic. I just knew I'd snapped instantly from depression into "feel good." I still need to take my medication, and at age sixty I am still working hard in therapy because you can slip up. This is a lifelong challenge and if I had depended upon my parents to help me, I'd have been screwed long ago since my mom died a long time ago. This is his path to walk. You can't do it for him. by the way, you didn't MAKE him do anything. None of us have the ability to make another person do something. We can say something that they may not like, and how they handle that is their own decision. Your son made a decision to put his hands on you. I suspect he has done this before. A thirty day inpatient program won't do much. I've been in hospitals three times...good ones. They are mainly for stabilization. When I went in the first time, I was pregnant and stayed ten weeks. Now you are lucky if you are allowed to stay for ten days or at all unless you are actively suicidal or homicidal. It's your son who needs the fixing, not you, as far as his issues go. However, you have to decide how to handle his issues. That's where I feel Al-Anon has good advice, even if your son isn't using drugs or drinking that you know of. I also think NAMI is good. Most of all, I think a good therapist for you and only for you would help you navigate through this journey and help you deal with family members not understanding and maybe being unkind to you. ODD is not really a diagnosis your son is likely to get at his age. Once they are over eighteen it becomes an issue of whether or not he has a conscience and cares about right or wrong. Usually our mentally ill adult child (and any mentally ill adult such as myself) have more than one issue going on and the only way for us to get better is for us to be WANT to get better, to comply with treatment and to work our tails off to overcome our challenges. The onus is 100% on the patient. Think of it like this...if a patient is diagnosed with cancer and refuses chemo, what happens? Who has to decide to get treatment? Who has to decide to do everything the doctors say? Who makes decisions when one is ill? Mental illness is a brain disorder. It is genetic and a physical problem. Only the patient can do what is needed to make himself well. Your son is on his own, as anyone with mental illness is. Oh, you can give him support but only HE can decide, "I don't want to be this way and I'm going to do all I can to change things." And until he has that lightbulb moment, he will remain ill. Hugs. I'm so sorry. [/QUOTE]
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