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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 264303" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thanks, Shari. Right now I'm thinking of telling them that difficult child can go somewhere else for a while and live under whatever rules they set. If he suceeds, then he can come home and I will change my rules to meet those, but I think it should be the EXACT sort of situation. So, if they back up another guardian, then they should back up me. If I'm over-protective, then the other "guardian" should let difficult child do whatever he wants- and don't send me any bill for restitution.</p><p></p><p>Of course, this thought only works well until I hear that difficult child will be turned over to dss and have to go to my bro. Private attnys- even the court appointed one for difficult child- don't seem to know enough about the system to be able to tell me what really is the truth and what's just manipulation. I read something though that said the parolee's "mentors" set the house rules and so forth. To me, that isn't a mentor.</p><p></p><p>As I've said several times- this system hoovers. I hope others can keep their kids out of it. My son could be helped- I honestly believe. But Not their way at home with me. He is too smart for that- ACtually, an idiot could figure this out and my son has already firgured it out. I don't think he's a bad kid at heart, I just think that he, like any other fool,, can see the way to manipulate this "it's the parent's fault" situation. Really, when it comes to a point where difficult child is testifying in court that he's afraid he'll get into trouble again if he comes home and he's not abused or neglected, they ought to get a clue, in my humble opinion.</p><p></p><p>I will say that this parole officer seemed nice. It's just that one nice conversation isn't going to turn around everything that's already been done. I'm not in a frame of mind to play games with this and cannot let my son come home to the same situation- or worse. So, there is supposed to be a tranistion plan. I want to know what it is before I agree to anything and I want a time frame. Carp on this "you have to agree to it now, we don't know yet when he'll get out, he'll come home then we'll make sure we get on the same page and if difficult child gets into trouble again he'll go straight back to Department of Juvenile Justice". Right....</p><p></p><p>I'm looking as much as I can up online. I see that this is their policy- to get the parole officer on board at the beginning. If the parent is supposed to do anything- like parenting classes- they have to start right away. It's a good sign that they aren't giving me any requirements like that. BUT, they also would need several mos to do another home interview on my bro if they decided to turn my son over to dss- the fact that they want my "commitment" right now is not a good sign in that regard. But, I can't continue to let them intimidate me into whatever makes them feel better just out of fear. Although, quite frankly, I am afraid for difficult child. I just remeber my son sitting at the top of the stairs with his arms cut up telling me that he could not stand his life and could not continue like this. They don't care about that- they have made it clear that they think it was just manipulation. Well, I'm not taking that chance. If it's manipulation, they can take that chance with difficult child living in the real world somewhere else. Then, take him off his medications and forget therapy.</p><p></p><p>There are 2 things that I will fight completely for- 1) my son is not going to commit suicide right under my nose and 2) he's not going to kill his mother (me). I believe I know my son better than they do. Yes, I beleive he can do better and that he doesn't really want to carry these acts out- in that sense- it was learned. But, I don't think it will be "unlearned" by re-enforcing what they've been doing. I think he needs to learn better ways of coping.</p><p></p><p>Is it wrong or am I a delinquent parent for feeling this way?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 264303, member: 3699"] Thanks, Shari. Right now I'm thinking of telling them that difficult child can go somewhere else for a while and live under whatever rules they set. If he suceeds, then he can come home and I will change my rules to meet those, but I think it should be the EXACT sort of situation. So, if they back up another guardian, then they should back up me. If I'm over-protective, then the other "guardian" should let difficult child do whatever he wants- and don't send me any bill for restitution. Of course, this thought only works well until I hear that difficult child will be turned over to dss and have to go to my bro. Private attnys- even the court appointed one for difficult child- don't seem to know enough about the system to be able to tell me what really is the truth and what's just manipulation. I read something though that said the parolee's "mentors" set the house rules and so forth. To me, that isn't a mentor. As I've said several times- this system hoovers. I hope others can keep their kids out of it. My son could be helped- I honestly believe. But Not their way at home with me. He is too smart for that- ACtually, an idiot could figure this out and my son has already firgured it out. I don't think he's a bad kid at heart, I just think that he, like any other fool,, can see the way to manipulate this "it's the parent's fault" situation. Really, when it comes to a point where difficult child is testifying in court that he's afraid he'll get into trouble again if he comes home and he's not abused or neglected, they ought to get a clue, in my humble opinion. I will say that this parole officer seemed nice. It's just that one nice conversation isn't going to turn around everything that's already been done. I'm not in a frame of mind to play games with this and cannot let my son come home to the same situation- or worse. So, there is supposed to be a tranistion plan. I want to know what it is before I agree to anything and I want a time frame. Carp on this "you have to agree to it now, we don't know yet when he'll get out, he'll come home then we'll make sure we get on the same page and if difficult child gets into trouble again he'll go straight back to Department of Juvenile Justice". Right.... I'm looking as much as I can up online. I see that this is their policy- to get the parole officer on board at the beginning. If the parent is supposed to do anything- like parenting classes- they have to start right away. It's a good sign that they aren't giving me any requirements like that. BUT, they also would need several mos to do another home interview on my bro if they decided to turn my son over to dss- the fact that they want my "commitment" right now is not a good sign in that regard. But, I can't continue to let them intimidate me into whatever makes them feel better just out of fear. Although, quite frankly, I am afraid for difficult child. I just remeber my son sitting at the top of the stairs with his arms cut up telling me that he could not stand his life and could not continue like this. They don't care about that- they have made it clear that they think it was just manipulation. Well, I'm not taking that chance. If it's manipulation, they can take that chance with difficult child living in the real world somewhere else. Then, take him off his medications and forget therapy. There are 2 things that I will fight completely for- 1) my son is not going to commit suicide right under my nose and 2) he's not going to kill his mother (me). I believe I know my son better than they do. Yes, I beleive he can do better and that he doesn't really want to carry these acts out- in that sense- it was learned. But, I don't think it will be "unlearned" by re-enforcing what they've been doing. I think he needs to learn better ways of coping. Is it wrong or am I a delinquent parent for feeling this way? [/QUOTE]
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