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passive aggressive behavior
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<blockquote data-quote="Mattsmom277" data-source="post: 279874" data-attributes="member: 4264"><p>My mother (and brother) are the epitomy of this.</p><p></p><p>I can't count the times we had conversations such as: </p><p></p><p>(While trying to arrange a family gathering, a good date for it, what kind of food, buffet or full meal etc)</p><p></p><p>Mom: I don't have much on my calendar since I don't work. Everyone else is always so busy and rushed with sucessful careers, spouses and children and friends and social calendars and volunteer work etc. You all decide what will work for all of you in terms of the date and I'll be there. I shouldn't have any input since I live alone and really, you and the kids don't visit often or make plans far ahead of time, mostly last minute. I find it likely whatever date fits into the schedules for all of you will work just fine for me.</p><p></p><p>Me: (swallowing my desire to rip into her pity trip disguised as geniune caring that the date works for everyone) Okay then. How about food mom? Do you think that we should have a potluck, everyone brings something. Or should we all pitch in to make a proper sit down dinner? What do you think? What would you enjoy?</p><p></p><p>Mom: (After pondering it for some time as if its a serious dilemma and must be properly considered with pros and cons etc) Well I certainly would prefer a sit down proper family dinner. It is so rare for me to have a proper meal with any of the family since everyone is so busy doing this and that, all of it important, more important than dinner with me which we can do at these get togethers anyhow. But I'm sure it would be much simpler for everyone else to do potluck. They don't have to commit to an entire day together to prepare a big meal, which saves them juggling too much of their schedules. I'm sure they can either throw something together quickly to contribute, or they can pop into a grocery store and get some precooked/ ready made salads or whatnot and take up even less of their time they need to get work done or whatever. So I'd say everyone else will prefer potluck. </p><p></p><p>---------------------</p><p>Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! With my mother and brother it ALWAYS goes like that. We in the end always just made plans that indeed did work for everyone and would then give her details along with an invite. Much less drama that way. None of my family, myself and my kids included, have any contact with my mother or my brother any longer. While I miss feeling I had a family, I sure don't miss this constant barrage. </p><p></p><p>I'm stunned at all the stories here! Seems we all have someone like this in our lives. I know we all do some level of this type of thing from time to time, probably dont' even know it is what we are doing. But some take it to a new level, it rounds out their entire world and all of their contacts. Yuck!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mattsmom277, post: 279874, member: 4264"] My mother (and brother) are the epitomy of this. I can't count the times we had conversations such as: (While trying to arrange a family gathering, a good date for it, what kind of food, buffet or full meal etc) Mom: I don't have much on my calendar since I don't work. Everyone else is always so busy and rushed with sucessful careers, spouses and children and friends and social calendars and volunteer work etc. You all decide what will work for all of you in terms of the date and I'll be there. I shouldn't have any input since I live alone and really, you and the kids don't visit often or make plans far ahead of time, mostly last minute. I find it likely whatever date fits into the schedules for all of you will work just fine for me. Me: (swallowing my desire to rip into her pity trip disguised as geniune caring that the date works for everyone) Okay then. How about food mom? Do you think that we should have a potluck, everyone brings something. Or should we all pitch in to make a proper sit down dinner? What do you think? What would you enjoy? Mom: (After pondering it for some time as if its a serious dilemma and must be properly considered with pros and cons etc) Well I certainly would prefer a sit down proper family dinner. It is so rare for me to have a proper meal with any of the family since everyone is so busy doing this and that, all of it important, more important than dinner with me which we can do at these get togethers anyhow. But I'm sure it would be much simpler for everyone else to do potluck. They don't have to commit to an entire day together to prepare a big meal, which saves them juggling too much of their schedules. I'm sure they can either throw something together quickly to contribute, or they can pop into a grocery store and get some precooked/ ready made salads or whatnot and take up even less of their time they need to get work done or whatever. So I'd say everyone else will prefer potluck. --------------------- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! With my mother and brother it ALWAYS goes like that. We in the end always just made plans that indeed did work for everyone and would then give her details along with an invite. Much less drama that way. None of my family, myself and my kids included, have any contact with my mother or my brother any longer. While I miss feeling I had a family, I sure don't miss this constant barrage. I'm stunned at all the stories here! Seems we all have someone like this in our lives. I know we all do some level of this type of thing from time to time, probably dont' even know it is what we are doing. But some take it to a new level, it rounds out their entire world and all of their contacts. Yuck! [/QUOTE]
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