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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 585941" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Hi Mary - I saw your post over in General Parenting as well. </p><p></p><p>I wouldn't pay her to phone you. I agree with the others that if she is using drugs that money will go to more drugs and in that sense you will be contributing to her addiction. </p><p></p><p>I see that you pay her phone bill. I know my difficult child is lost without his phone so while I don't contact him a lot (once a week or every 10 days) my requirement is that he answer the phone when I call or text. He does not want his phone cut off. That's not to say it's a perfect plan - it isn't because sometimes he ignores me, says his phone was dead, didn't get the text, you know the drill - but it does help. He NEVER calls unless he wants something from me. I am also not sure I could bring myself to completely cut off his phone. If you suspended her phone do you think she'd find a way to get in touch with you to find out what was happening with the phone or would that backfire? </p><p></p><p>Can you look on social media like Facebook or Twitter to see if she is posting and that way you'll know she is ok? Or you should be able to go online and see if she is using her phone to know that she is ok. That way you can find some peace. </p><p></p><p>I'm not sure if this would work given that she may have some significant attachment issues but my support group often advocates not calling and waiting them out to see if they will call you. I haven't been able to do it yet, honestly. The longest I've gone is two weeks - but I find the longer I go between calls the more likely I am to get a decent conversation out of difficult child. Not that our relationship is good right now, it isn't. It's very rocky. Maybe backing off and not 'chasing' her would help? </p><p></p><p>Big hugs to you. Stay with this forum - the people here are wonderful, full of knowledge and they really understand what you are going through.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 585941, member: 14356"] Hi Mary - I saw your post over in General Parenting as well. I wouldn't pay her to phone you. I agree with the others that if she is using drugs that money will go to more drugs and in that sense you will be contributing to her addiction. I see that you pay her phone bill. I know my difficult child is lost without his phone so while I don't contact him a lot (once a week or every 10 days) my requirement is that he answer the phone when I call or text. He does not want his phone cut off. That's not to say it's a perfect plan - it isn't because sometimes he ignores me, says his phone was dead, didn't get the text, you know the drill - but it does help. He NEVER calls unless he wants something from me. I am also not sure I could bring myself to completely cut off his phone. If you suspended her phone do you think she'd find a way to get in touch with you to find out what was happening with the phone or would that backfire? Can you look on social media like Facebook or Twitter to see if she is posting and that way you'll know she is ok? Or you should be able to go online and see if she is using her phone to know that she is ok. That way you can find some peace. I'm not sure if this would work given that she may have some significant attachment issues but my support group often advocates not calling and waiting them out to see if they will call you. I haven't been able to do it yet, honestly. The longest I've gone is two weeks - but I find the longer I go between calls the more likely I am to get a decent conversation out of difficult child. Not that our relationship is good right now, it isn't. It's very rocky. Maybe backing off and not 'chasing' her would help? Big hugs to you. Stay with this forum - the people here are wonderful, full of knowledge and they really understand what you are going through. [/QUOTE]
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