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plan for easy child
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<blockquote data-quote="eekysign" data-source="post: 223939" data-attributes="member: 6479"><p>This way-too-long post is JUST my two cents. Parenting ideas differ, but this is just MY opinion.....that's all!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>If this is also about <strong>current</strong> "lying, stealing, and manipulating" that has <u>little</u> to do with having the boy over against your wishes, then it sounds like a good plan!!! If it IS mainly about the boyfriend situation, it seems a bit much for a easy child kid. It's hard for me to comment on it---you still haven't told us what she's doing that's so bad, other than getting poor grades and having a boy over. I mean, you just can't punish her <u>now</u> for "stealing in the past", but you list that among the reasons you're doing this. </p><p></p><p>Let's see if I can make some kinda point, and stop rambling. Heheh. I think it's this: I haven't yet heard anything about your easy child that I didn't personally do as a teen myself---and taking all my stuff outta my room and hiring a babysitter for me would have absolutely backfired. However, I can understand wanting her in therapy---the poor grades, heck, having a difficult child sibling alone might make that useful for her. And volunteering isAWESOME---my mom's having my little sister do the same.</p><p></p><p>Why? Because the punishment isn't designed for an almost-adult, something to teach them how our society expects its members to behave, it's designed for a little kid. Hiring a babysitter and taking all her things tells her she's still a child, and has no power in the house (you control everything she possesses, you control the house when you are there AND even when you aren't there...). </p><p></p><p>In the end, you don't "control" a 15 y/o easy child any more---and they know it. All you can do is guide them. My parents handled the same situations by sitting me down, explaining that I was almost an adult, and needed to learn how to act like one, or I was going to ruin my life....*I* was going to ruin *MY* life. Not them. And explaining why they were so disappointed in me, and why my actions hurt them, and could have hurt me. Even as a teen, I could respect that, although I hated it (Talk about painfully awkward conversations!) at the time. Groundings, curfews, loss of abused privileges (phone, computer, whatever <em>related</em> to my getting in trouble)</p><p></p><p>It was never "respect these rules because we have power over you". It was "respect these rules because this is how adults behave toward one another". Instead of forcing me to obey my parents' wishes, it taught me to understand (learned empathy) why they felt that way, why they wanted me to act certain ways, and that it was MY choice to do so, not theirs. Kids rebel when they feel they are being forced into things--heck, that's what rebelling is. Knowing it was MY choice made me (grudgingly) stop and evaluate my own decisions to see if I was really acting like an idiot. Which I usually was. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="eekysign, post: 223939, member: 6479"] This way-too-long post is JUST my two cents. Parenting ideas differ, but this is just MY opinion.....that's all!! :) If this is also about [B]current[/B] "lying, stealing, and manipulating" that has [U]little[/U] to do with having the boy over against your wishes, then it sounds like a good plan!!! If it IS mainly about the boyfriend situation, it seems a bit much for a easy child kid. It's hard for me to comment on it---you still haven't told us what she's doing that's so bad, other than getting poor grades and having a boy over. I mean, you just can't punish her [U]now[/U] for "stealing in the past", but you list that among the reasons you're doing this. Let's see if I can make some kinda point, and stop rambling. Heheh. I think it's this: I haven't yet heard anything about your easy child that I didn't personally do as a teen myself---and taking all my stuff outta my room and hiring a babysitter for me would have absolutely backfired. However, I can understand wanting her in therapy---the poor grades, heck, having a difficult child sibling alone might make that useful for her. And volunteering isAWESOME---my mom's having my little sister do the same. Why? Because the punishment isn't designed for an almost-adult, something to teach them how our society expects its members to behave, it's designed for a little kid. Hiring a babysitter and taking all her things tells her she's still a child, and has no power in the house (you control everything she possesses, you control the house when you are there AND even when you aren't there...). In the end, you don't "control" a 15 y/o easy child any more---and they know it. All you can do is guide them. My parents handled the same situations by sitting me down, explaining that I was almost an adult, and needed to learn how to act like one, or I was going to ruin my life....*I* was going to ruin *MY* life. Not them. And explaining why they were so disappointed in me, and why my actions hurt them, and could have hurt me. Even as a teen, I could respect that, although I hated it (Talk about painfully awkward conversations!) at the time. Groundings, curfews, loss of abused privileges (phone, computer, whatever [I]related[/I] to my getting in trouble) It was never "respect these rules because we have power over you". It was "respect these rules because this is how adults behave toward one another". Instead of forcing me to obey my parents' wishes, it taught me to understand (learned empathy) why they felt that way, why they wanted me to act certain ways, and that it was MY choice to do so, not theirs. Kids rebel when they feel they are being forced into things--heck, that's what rebelling is. Knowing it was MY choice made me (grudgingly) stop and evaluate my own decisions to see if I was really acting like an idiot. Which I usually was. ;) [/QUOTE]
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