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Please help. Picture of difficult child down UPDATE
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 28732" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm coming late to this. I can see where JoG was coming from - a lot of suggestions were being made to sweep it under the carpet, which ultimately is NOT what you did, bby. Choosing the 'fess up' route, even if it's only between your family, the boy concerned and the phone company is a better way to go. I can understand someone else's hope that she would be suspended (as well as others involved) but I think the lesson has been pounded on the table fairly hard already, with her knowing that it's HER photo being circulated, through her own gullibility. Even denying it publicly doesn't take away that shame for her. Suspension would only make her seem more of an active, guilty participant than she deserves. Although she sent the photo, she is the victim in this. It would be like suspending a girl from school for being raped, after she agreed to walk through the park with a boy, on a dark night.</p><p></p><p>difficult child's self-esteem is a big issue. If she can't learn to respect herself this is going to set the tone for future relationships - she will demean herself if necessary, in order for boys to like her. Her self-respect will plummet further, leaving her ever more vulnerable to this sort of exploitation and abuse.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you went to the parents. They need to know, so they can deal with their son's inappropriateness as well. HE needs to know that this is abuse, it is pornography (kiddie porn, at that) and is a really serious offence. Plus, to manipulate an under-age girl like this (to manipulate ANY girl, in fact) is very, very wrong. If he was trying to use the photo to make himself look successful to his mates, then it backfires if he had to lie and cheat to get the photo (and lie to an especially vulnerable girl, as well - has he tried this on more astute girls and been rejected?). Instead of allowing him to brag that he is sexually successful (which is what this boils down to - male competition) all it shows is that he is so UNSUCCESSFUL that he has to resort to tactics like this.</p><p>Yes, difficult child demeaned herself in order to hopefully get a boyfriend (which didn't work). But in the same way, this boy has prostituted himself (or at least offered himself, even if he didn't follow through with his offer) in order to get the photo, to make himself seem more popular. Frankly, it's a mess for both of them, although he was the instigator. I hope he is feeling cheap, too. </p><p></p><p>Poor difficult child! It is awful when you get treated this way. I really don't think she had a clue that this could happen and must be devastated. Good on easy child for her quick thinking and support of her sister. And good on you and your husband for taking swift, effective action.</p><p></p><p>Here in Australia police are still investigating and prosecuting various cases where footage has been taking on video cameras and mobile phones, of fights and sexual abuse. The footage has been getting circulated and in some cases, sold in the playground. In one very nasty case a 13 year old female difficult child with developmental delay was filmed being made to perform various sex acts on a group of boys. They also tortured her, setting fire to her hair and stealing her clothes. All on film and these thugs were selling it. They're using the film to identify the boys and as they're confirming each ID the boy is being charged with as much as the police can throw at them. It makes me really glad that difficult child 3 is never going back into that environment.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 28732, member: 1991"] I'm coming late to this. I can see where JoG was coming from - a lot of suggestions were being made to sweep it under the carpet, which ultimately is NOT what you did, bby. Choosing the 'fess up' route, even if it's only between your family, the boy concerned and the phone company is a better way to go. I can understand someone else's hope that she would be suspended (as well as others involved) but I think the lesson has been pounded on the table fairly hard already, with her knowing that it's HER photo being circulated, through her own gullibility. Even denying it publicly doesn't take away that shame for her. Suspension would only make her seem more of an active, guilty participant than she deserves. Although she sent the photo, she is the victim in this. It would be like suspending a girl from school for being raped, after she agreed to walk through the park with a boy, on a dark night. difficult child's self-esteem is a big issue. If she can't learn to respect herself this is going to set the tone for future relationships - she will demean herself if necessary, in order for boys to like her. Her self-respect will plummet further, leaving her ever more vulnerable to this sort of exploitation and abuse. I'm glad you went to the parents. They need to know, so they can deal with their son's inappropriateness as well. HE needs to know that this is abuse, it is pornography (kiddie porn, at that) and is a really serious offence. Plus, to manipulate an under-age girl like this (to manipulate ANY girl, in fact) is very, very wrong. If he was trying to use the photo to make himself look successful to his mates, then it backfires if he had to lie and cheat to get the photo (and lie to an especially vulnerable girl, as well - has he tried this on more astute girls and been rejected?). Instead of allowing him to brag that he is sexually successful (which is what this boils down to - male competition) all it shows is that he is so UNSUCCESSFUL that he has to resort to tactics like this. Yes, difficult child demeaned herself in order to hopefully get a boyfriend (which didn't work). But in the same way, this boy has prostituted himself (or at least offered himself, even if he didn't follow through with his offer) in order to get the photo, to make himself seem more popular. Frankly, it's a mess for both of them, although he was the instigator. I hope he is feeling cheap, too. Poor difficult child! It is awful when you get treated this way. I really don't think she had a clue that this could happen and must be devastated. Good on easy child for her quick thinking and support of her sister. And good on you and your husband for taking swift, effective action. Here in Australia police are still investigating and prosecuting various cases where footage has been taking on video cameras and mobile phones, of fights and sexual abuse. The footage has been getting circulated and in some cases, sold in the playground. In one very nasty case a 13 year old female difficult child with developmental delay was filmed being made to perform various sex acts on a group of boys. They also tortured her, setting fire to her hair and stealing her clothes. All on film and these thugs were selling it. They're using the film to identify the boys and as they're confirming each ID the boy is being charged with as much as the police can throw at them. It makes me really glad that difficult child 3 is never going back into that environment. Marg [/QUOTE]
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