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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 337388" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Cherrer3 - </p><p></p><p>Hi there! </p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board. I kept chuckling to myself ----"AH but she got 2 out of 3 she should get a cookie." ( you'll come to find out later I'm the serious one in this family) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Jose should just behave like the other two huh? I mean you have three kids and two of them listen to you pretty much as you parent them right? You tell the other two "You do this." and they do it. Then comes the tornado child. Argumentative, aggressive, agitating, angry..and that's just the A adjectives. So what is different with him?</p><p></p><p> In your head (just guessing) you have probably made yourself near nuts trying to figure out from conception to now what you did differently. Lord knows I did. I sat and thought....Did I eat Nutra sweet? Have a glass of wine the day the part of his brain developed that is his behavior -nope didn't drink. (slap head) THE MICROWAVE - I used a microwave once. Then what did you feed him as an infant, where did you live? Was it the power lines, did he sit too close to the TV? Was it his inoculations? My list went on and on and I really made myself crazy. Truth is no one knows. Some of it's genetics, some of it's what my psychiatrist called mapping, and I think some of it is non-effective communication from parents that are just frustrated daily and worn out with nothing nice left to say. (Ahhhh ha) </p><p></p><p>So, you do parent him differently. (lightbulb moment) See, I think and looking back I know that I spoke to my son in a manner that just did NOT get through to him. I could speak to the other son and it was like "Okay...no problem." We took him in when his home life was miserable and drug addled. His Mom couldn't deal with him (so she said). But for us? Piece of cake. Why? I guess maybe I wasn't tired of his behaviors. But with Dude? OMG every day, every day every day, in my face, every day, he would argue with a brick wall that it was made of feathers and WIN. How? No idea. But it makes you tired, and you eventually do one of two things as a parent. You either give up or you start fighting back on their level without even realizing. Eventually you're reduced to not effectively communicating and......they win. You are exhausted, defeated and don't even know how you ended up on anti-depressants or in the ER having a stroke. </p><p></p><p>There is a way to parent a child like ours.....it take a lot of practice, self awareness, you have to be taught how to do it. I'm sorry I didn't learn how to cope and communicate effectively SOONER....but it's never too late to learn and I'm still learning. And the #1 thing I have learned is that each one of my kids? Needed to be parented differently. They all learned differently, they all loved differently, they all thought different things were funny....they all liked different things. So what was wrong with learning to communicate with them differently? I just didn't learn that soon enough with Dude to make a great impact on his life. Instead I yelled, and got frustrated. </p><p></p><p>My suggestion would be to take the advice you have gotten from above because these ladies know what they are talking about. You do need an IEP and for him to be evaluated, BUT don't leave yourself out of the loop when you are considering part of the treatment because this is a lifetime commitment to Jose and his and your families well being. To think that a doctor or pill or diagnosis will fix it? Selling yourselves short. Start seeing the entire picture. It's a family thing. Get into therapy and start asking about effective communication and get your hands on every book you can on learning HOW to do this. </p><p></p><p>How to talk to children so they will listen and how to listen to children so they will talk. Is a book they should give to people in kindergarten....or before you even think about getting pregnant for sure. you can get it through this web site (helps with the cost of running the site --nice plug for the site huh?) </p><p></p><p>But seriously----WElcome.....and keep coming back for help.....and to just vent....and know you aren't alone. We're a good group. And we're glad to have 3 more nephews. WE don't have a Jose yet. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 337388, member: 4964"] Cherrer3 - Hi there! Welcome to the board. I kept chuckling to myself ----"AH but she got 2 out of 3 she should get a cookie." ( you'll come to find out later I'm the serious one in this family) :winking: Jose should just behave like the other two huh? I mean you have three kids and two of them listen to you pretty much as you parent them right? You tell the other two "You do this." and they do it. Then comes the tornado child. Argumentative, aggressive, agitating, angry..and that's just the A adjectives. So what is different with him? In your head (just guessing) you have probably made yourself near nuts trying to figure out from conception to now what you did differently. Lord knows I did. I sat and thought....Did I eat Nutra sweet? Have a glass of wine the day the part of his brain developed that is his behavior -nope didn't drink. (slap head) THE MICROWAVE - I used a microwave once. Then what did you feed him as an infant, where did you live? Was it the power lines, did he sit too close to the TV? Was it his inoculations? My list went on and on and I really made myself crazy. Truth is no one knows. Some of it's genetics, some of it's what my psychiatrist called mapping, and I think some of it is non-effective communication from parents that are just frustrated daily and worn out with nothing nice left to say. (Ahhhh ha) So, you do parent him differently. (lightbulb moment) See, I think and looking back I know that I spoke to my son in a manner that just did NOT get through to him. I could speak to the other son and it was like "Okay...no problem." We took him in when his home life was miserable and drug addled. His Mom couldn't deal with him (so she said). But for us? Piece of cake. Why? I guess maybe I wasn't tired of his behaviors. But with Dude? OMG every day, every day every day, in my face, every day, he would argue with a brick wall that it was made of feathers and WIN. How? No idea. But it makes you tired, and you eventually do one of two things as a parent. You either give up or you start fighting back on their level without even realizing. Eventually you're reduced to not effectively communicating and......they win. You are exhausted, defeated and don't even know how you ended up on anti-depressants or in the ER having a stroke. There is a way to parent a child like ours.....it take a lot of practice, self awareness, you have to be taught how to do it. I'm sorry I didn't learn how to cope and communicate effectively SOONER....but it's never too late to learn and I'm still learning. And the #1 thing I have learned is that each one of my kids? Needed to be parented differently. They all learned differently, they all loved differently, they all thought different things were funny....they all liked different things. So what was wrong with learning to communicate with them differently? I just didn't learn that soon enough with Dude to make a great impact on his life. Instead I yelled, and got frustrated. My suggestion would be to take the advice you have gotten from above because these ladies know what they are talking about. You do need an IEP and for him to be evaluated, BUT don't leave yourself out of the loop when you are considering part of the treatment because this is a lifetime commitment to Jose and his and your families well being. To think that a doctor or pill or diagnosis will fix it? Selling yourselves short. Start seeing the entire picture. It's a family thing. Get into therapy and start asking about effective communication and get your hands on every book you can on learning HOW to do this. How to talk to children so they will listen and how to listen to children so they will talk. Is a book they should give to people in kindergarten....or before you even think about getting pregnant for sure. you can get it through this web site (helps with the cost of running the site --nice plug for the site huh?) But seriously----WElcome.....and keep coming back for help.....and to just vent....and know you aren't alone. We're a good group. And we're glad to have 3 more nephews. WE don't have a Jose yet. :winking: Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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