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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 376756" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It is really important to take notes, to videorecord, all the moments, good and bad. All the stuff you would perhaps do anyway, only more so.</p><p></p><p>When difficult child 3 had a TV interview late last year, they asked us to old images and footage of him. It was interesting to dig out videotapes rapidly degrading and try to rescue them. We just handed them over in faith and they transferred it all for us, what they could get. </p><p></p><p>Watching what they chose to screen - there was very little, but it had been chosen with care. It reminded us that what we had was a kid who lived with patterns. If none existed, he created them. He would walk in circles, round and round. He would line toys up. He talked "in scribble" as his little sister described the jargon speech and echolalia.</p><p></p><p>Then after the screening, they sent us all the footage including all the old videos. And when we looked at it all, the tears flowed. We looked at the footage of our obviously autistic problem child who we were told would never attend a normal school; would never be able to live independently; was only able to learn the basics parrot-fashion and only had the semblance of intelligence and not the real thing (we were told). Ad we listened to the footage of difficult child 3 being interviewed, in a room on his own (I could hear, but our cottage is tiny, I was unable to be in there with him) and listening to difficult child 3's considered answers to abstract questions I would never have dared ask - "How do you think it has been for your parents, raising a child with autism?" and he answered finally, "It must have been like hugging a cactus."</p><p></p><p>He's still got a lot of problems, but is growing up into a remarkable, highly moral young man. He has difficulty getting started on tasks, but once he gets going, he sticks at it strongly and has surprising capability. Each year brings more brain maturity and a greater ability to understand the more abstract concepts.</p><p></p><p>The others - difficult child 1 is now a married man, with an apprenticeship which hopefully will see him well along a lifelong career path. He still needs more maturity, including in his marriage, but is careful of his wife's need for moral support and comfort when she is feeling anxious.</p><p></p><p>easy child 2/difficult child 2 is also now married and doing her utmost to manage her own career path. She needs a little more support still, but is learning a great deal all the time about how to look after herself and her relationships with others. The confidence in all of them has grown amazingly.</p><p></p><p>With both boys, we were told that we would have the responsibility of them, lifelong. But we now understand that while with most people, the brain reaches maturity at 25, it simply takes longer in or boys. But they WILL get there.</p><p></p><p>There is hope. But you do have to keep working at it, and acknowledge that the kids also have a lot of work to put in and need to be supported through this.</p><p></p><p>It does vary depending on what the child is dealing with, but you can have hope.</p><p></p><p>And if, after all you have done, things still aren't perfect, just think of how things would have been if you had not tried to do anything. At least your child has had a better outcome to this stage. And who knows what the future will bring?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 376756, member: 1991"] It is really important to take notes, to videorecord, all the moments, good and bad. All the stuff you would perhaps do anyway, only more so. When difficult child 3 had a TV interview late last year, they asked us to old images and footage of him. It was interesting to dig out videotapes rapidly degrading and try to rescue them. We just handed them over in faith and they transferred it all for us, what they could get. Watching what they chose to screen - there was very little, but it had been chosen with care. It reminded us that what we had was a kid who lived with patterns. If none existed, he created them. He would walk in circles, round and round. He would line toys up. He talked "in scribble" as his little sister described the jargon speech and echolalia. Then after the screening, they sent us all the footage including all the old videos. And when we looked at it all, the tears flowed. We looked at the footage of our obviously autistic problem child who we were told would never attend a normal school; would never be able to live independently; was only able to learn the basics parrot-fashion and only had the semblance of intelligence and not the real thing (we were told). Ad we listened to the footage of difficult child 3 being interviewed, in a room on his own (I could hear, but our cottage is tiny, I was unable to be in there with him) and listening to difficult child 3's considered answers to abstract questions I would never have dared ask - "How do you think it has been for your parents, raising a child with autism?" and he answered finally, "It must have been like hugging a cactus." He's still got a lot of problems, but is growing up into a remarkable, highly moral young man. He has difficulty getting started on tasks, but once he gets going, he sticks at it strongly and has surprising capability. Each year brings more brain maturity and a greater ability to understand the more abstract concepts. The others - difficult child 1 is now a married man, with an apprenticeship which hopefully will see him well along a lifelong career path. He still needs more maturity, including in his marriage, but is careful of his wife's need for moral support and comfort when she is feeling anxious. easy child 2/difficult child 2 is also now married and doing her utmost to manage her own career path. She needs a little more support still, but is learning a great deal all the time about how to look after herself and her relationships with others. The confidence in all of them has grown amazingly. With both boys, we were told that we would have the responsibility of them, lifelong. But we now understand that while with most people, the brain reaches maturity at 25, it simply takes longer in or boys. But they WILL get there. There is hope. But you do have to keep working at it, and acknowledge that the kids also have a lot of work to put in and need to be supported through this. It does vary depending on what the child is dealing with, but you can have hope. And if, after all you have done, things still aren't perfect, just think of how things would have been if you had not tried to do anything. At least your child has had a better outcome to this stage. And who knows what the future will bring? Marg [/QUOTE]
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