Welcome, Meg (from Marg).
You said, "Today she was suspended for a day because she kicked a teacher without any provacation."
Trust me - for a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid, there was provocation. It may not have been provocation that we would agree with, but in her mind, she was provoked. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids don't do this sort of thing out of the blue. There is ALWAYS a reason.
Also, I firmly agree - punishment at school for school offences stays at school. You certainly can (and should) talk about it at home, but just as you don't expect teachers to punish your child for not eating their dinner the night before, you shouldn't punish your child on top of the school's punishment. Home should be a refuge from school, if school is a struggle for any reason.
You are new to this site and I suspect you have been struggling in isolation with your daughter, following all the advice you're given and feeling like you're rolling with the punches instead of being able to predict what is going to happen and get on top of it.
How I read this in you - you are accepting what the school tells you as fact. "She kicked a teacher without provocation". There are many things where your child is held to expectations she simply can't yet manage. An example I often use - it's like punishing a blind child for failing to copy accurately form the blackboard. Some kids just can't do it. You hear adults say of a child, "He should be able to do this AT HIS AGE."
Or as we heard about difficult child 1 at 16, "We shouldn't be doing so much for him with reminding him about his assignments and explaining how to break up the tasks into steps. Because if we help him this much, he won't learn how to fend for himself when he finishes school at the end of the year."
The answer, each time, is "This chils simply is not capable of doing these things at an age appropriate level. You cannot judge this child by normal standards, because this child is not normal. He can get there, with help, but until then, he needs help. A child who cannot swim will drown if thrown in the deep end. Provide water wings and the child won't drown, and has a chance to survive long enough to learn to swim. Provide swimming lessons in the shallow end and the child should do even better. So what if other kids his age can swim already and would therefore survive being thrown in the deep end? We're talking about THIS child, not everybody else."
You may feel the school staff are loving and compassionate - and perhaps they are. But I suspect they are trying to use punishment to make your daughter "toe the line" and learn appropriate behaviour. But this is often exactly the wrong approach, with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids (and a lot of other difficult children; "difficult child" = "Gift From God", the child that brought us to this site. "easy child" = "Perfect Child", even though no child really is perfect).
Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids tend to need to control their environment. They hate changing task and this can be a BIG bone of contention at school. A teacher saying, "Put away your spelling sheet and get out your maths book" can trigger a meltdown. They need to be assisted in various ways to make the transition. In our family we have learnt ways which help. It's not perfect, but it is a whole lot better.
For a better understanding, as well as some useful methods of dealing with the behaviour of these kids, read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. It's not a cure but it is a different way of approaching this, it can actually be easier instead of more difficult. A lot of us on this site have found this book useful. Grab a copy from the library or do some searching online. If you look on Early Childhood foru you will find some discussion on applying this book to younger children; you might get some idea just from reading those stickies.
Again, welcome. Help is here, from a lot of people who have pooled experience and learned the hard way, so you don't have to.
Marg