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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 135472" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Maybe it was a case of not being on the right forum with that topic?</p><p></p><p>And about the feelings of rejection when you don't feel you have had enough response, I remember feeling that a few times when I first started to post. And I think that was a factor - I was new, my problems were hard to describe because I'm in Australia, and the sort of problems I had seemed too easy to fix from a US perspective, but WERE in fact BIG problems because the way things were being done in our neck of the woods with Dept of Ed staff was, frankly, inappropriate. (I'd like to use stronger words).</p><p></p><p>People were sympathetic but because my problems seemed so bizarre, surely all I needed was one simple answer?</p><p></p><p>It can take a little time to know how to get the message across. Every online forum has a different agenda, and how we communicate with one another is a reflection of this.</p><p></p><p>I've since learned to not take wrong response/lack of response personally.</p><p></p><p>And another BIG reason it's less of a problem for me now - I'm far less intense, because thanks to this site I had the courage to make some unpopular decisions and am reaping the benefit - my need is lessened, I'm less desperate than I was.</p><p></p><p>I think the more desperate you feel, the more you feel you MUST have some replies that can help, because you've tried everything else and are at your wits' end. But sometimes that very desperation is born of your own long-term fruitless efforts, and if you're half as good a Warrior Mum as any here, chances are there is very little left to recommend! You've already tried it all!</p><p></p><p>So hang in there, because from where I stand you're far less insistent, far less 'emotionally needy' to the point of being a pain, than a great many people. I haven't seen anything from you that I would consider inappropriate. Far from it.</p><p></p><p>Just remember, the more you take risks with your emotions with people you don't know well, the more vulnerable you feel and the more you can be hurt unwittingly. </p><p></p><p>Some people sob and cry in public (church is notable) at the drop of a hat, but seem still capable of insulating themselves from that pain of being to exposed. They seem to thrive on drama because through dramatics they can extract some sympathy. Once loaded up their batteries with their latest supply of sympathy, they can continue to function apparently normally for a while, before the next crisis. Meanwhile others can be hurting intensely, but afraid to let it show because the slightest hint of sympathy will shatter their thin veneer of self-control. And then they feel resentful of the ones who seem to hog the limelight and attention. </p><p></p><p>It's not balanced. It's not rational. And I think at some stage of our lives we all do it, and learn what works for us best.</p><p></p><p>I do think that for those who have had some trauma in their lives, some can move on and some cannot. Some seem trapped in the memory of that trauma, failing to develop further and at times even resisting all efforts to heal and move on; because the trauma must be resolved.</p><p></p><p>Michele, I don't see you like this. But I wonder if you see yourself like this, perhaps afraid to be an emotional burden?</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, you will find what works for you. And if at any time you feel you haven't got the answer you need, then either post again and say so, or see if you can find another way to ask for the help.</p><p></p><p>Another thought - this is a fairly specific site, although the support covers a wide spectrum. But if your problem is highly specific, you may need to find a more specific forum for THAT problem, see if it helps. Be careful though - I sometimes roam in other parts of the web and I'm appalled at how cruel people can be, apparently purely as personal entertainment. I haven't seen that here, thank goodness.</p><p></p><p>I guess it's why I stick around! I hope you will too.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 135472, member: 1991"] Maybe it was a case of not being on the right forum with that topic? And about the feelings of rejection when you don't feel you have had enough response, I remember feeling that a few times when I first started to post. And I think that was a factor - I was new, my problems were hard to describe because I'm in Australia, and the sort of problems I had seemed too easy to fix from a US perspective, but WERE in fact BIG problems because the way things were being done in our neck of the woods with Dept of Ed staff was, frankly, inappropriate. (I'd like to use stronger words). People were sympathetic but because my problems seemed so bizarre, surely all I needed was one simple answer? It can take a little time to know how to get the message across. Every online forum has a different agenda, and how we communicate with one another is a reflection of this. I've since learned to not take wrong response/lack of response personally. And another BIG reason it's less of a problem for me now - I'm far less intense, because thanks to this site I had the courage to make some unpopular decisions and am reaping the benefit - my need is lessened, I'm less desperate than I was. I think the more desperate you feel, the more you feel you MUST have some replies that can help, because you've tried everything else and are at your wits' end. But sometimes that very desperation is born of your own long-term fruitless efforts, and if you're half as good a Warrior Mum as any here, chances are there is very little left to recommend! You've already tried it all! So hang in there, because from where I stand you're far less insistent, far less 'emotionally needy' to the point of being a pain, than a great many people. I haven't seen anything from you that I would consider inappropriate. Far from it. Just remember, the more you take risks with your emotions with people you don't know well, the more vulnerable you feel and the more you can be hurt unwittingly. Some people sob and cry in public (church is notable) at the drop of a hat, but seem still capable of insulating themselves from that pain of being to exposed. They seem to thrive on drama because through dramatics they can extract some sympathy. Once loaded up their batteries with their latest supply of sympathy, they can continue to function apparently normally for a while, before the next crisis. Meanwhile others can be hurting intensely, but afraid to let it show because the slightest hint of sympathy will shatter their thin veneer of self-control. And then they feel resentful of the ones who seem to hog the limelight and attention. It's not balanced. It's not rational. And I think at some stage of our lives we all do it, and learn what works for us best. I do think that for those who have had some trauma in their lives, some can move on and some cannot. Some seem trapped in the memory of that trauma, failing to develop further and at times even resisting all efforts to heal and move on; because the trauma must be resolved. Michele, I don't see you like this. But I wonder if you see yourself like this, perhaps afraid to be an emotional burden? Hang in there, you will find what works for you. And if at any time you feel you haven't got the answer you need, then either post again and say so, or see if you can find another way to ask for the help. Another thought - this is a fairly specific site, although the support covers a wide spectrum. But if your problem is highly specific, you may need to find a more specific forum for THAT problem, see if it helps. Be careful though - I sometimes roam in other parts of the web and I'm appalled at how cruel people can be, apparently purely as personal entertainment. I haven't seen that here, thank goodness. I guess it's why I stick around! I hope you will too. Marg [/QUOTE]
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