principal gives difficult child II false hope

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by amazeofgrace, Sep 12, 2008.

  1. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    so difficult child II (11 y/o BiPolar (BP) in a contained BD class in our public school) comes home from school happy as can be. He saw his principal and voiced his discontentment with being a 6th grader forced to be in 5th grade lunch and specials, so the prinicipal tells difficult child II that if he can be good for 4 straight weeks, that he promises he will be able to go back into the mainstream 6th grade classes. What the H E Double drum sticks was this man thinking>?:mad::mad::mad:

    I called the school's SW and expressed my concerns. I mean difficult child II is telling all his friends that he will be joining them in a month, and he has the date circled on his calendar!!! SW admitts that the priniciapl wasn't thinking clearly when he said this, and that difficult child II going mainstream anytime soon, is NOT a possibility. I am looking at a serious nuclear explosion 4 weeks from now, when difficult child II realizes this is not going to happen!

    To boot now difficult child II is asking if his Father will be out of rehab in time for his 12th birthday because he missed his 11th birthday and he has to be there for his 12th, I do not have the heart to tell this kid, his Dad will likely e missing this Birthday as well, it's so sad and so frustrating!:(
  2. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I would visit the principal and let him know very clearly that he has set this child up for failure, and it is not in the least appreciated. Do you believe difficult child can hold it together for four weeks to reach that goal of being with the other sixth graders, or will he blow it somewhere along the line? Sounds to me like the principal was just blowing smoke, hoping difficult child would forget about it or that he'd mess up big time...problem solved.

    For the dad thing, I made it a policy to never lie for Useless Boy. When Miss KT asked why he wasn't around, why he didn't call, etc., I simply told her that I had no idea why her father did anything he did, and if she wanted to know something, she needed to call him or write a letter asking him those questions. When he disappointed her, which was way too often, and now she has his skinny butt up on a pedestal, anyway...I didn't apologize for him, didn't say "You dad really loves you, he's just really busy", I just said I was sorry he was acting like that. I put the behavior back on him. I felt that by making excuses for inexcusable behavior was like lying, and I wasn't the one acting like an idiot.

    It's never easy, I know. Many hugs to you and GFGII.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think the guy ought to be finding some mainstream class to put difficult child 2 in- that won't be a bad situation. I'd be calling first thing Monday morning.
  4. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    sadly difficult child II will most likely act out well b4 the 4 week mark. And his obsessive-compulsiveness is going to make it even harder, and even if he was an angel, there's no way the director of SE is going to mainstream him, I am his Mother and I do not want him Mainstream, I get knots just thinking about it. If he was in a out of district school, this would've never happened. If anything bad happens as a direct result of this I will be locked and loaded to continue arguing my point "the stigmatism and social pressure of these kids being smack dab in the middle of a mainstream school is too much for them! They deserve a free and appropriate education, in an appropriate and safe enviroment!" not a hole in the wall classroom with a 350 pound male aide who throws them over his shoulder everytime the misbehave! Last year the teacher was an art teacher, at least now they have someone qualified in Special Education!

    sorry I am ranting again!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I would be having words with the Principal, and they would be the kind that drips with kindness while shredding him into little pieces. The nerve.

    I am assuming difficult child has an IEP in place. Therefore it is not up to the principal to decide on his own anything concerning difficult child. What an idiot.

  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Is there any way you can force the principal to be the one to tell him that he won't mainstream? I am just thinking about hte rage he will have when he learns it won't happen. I don't want you to be the focus of that rage, our kids are so often dangerous when they rage.

    I am sorry that the idiot principal said this, and put you in this position. I like the putting the behavior on the responsible (or rather the irresponsible ) party, like KTmom did with-useless boy. Let him send a letter to his dad, or call his dad about his birthday. YOU don't have to be the one to tell him that his dad won't be there.

  7. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    That really seems like an irresponsible thing to say to a kid. I'd be upset too. Some people have no clue about the repercussions an off-hand comment can make in our lives.
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I hope this is really in principal's power ~ if difficult child holds it together everything else will break loose if a change doesn't happen.

    Saying that, a goal that far out tends to set up our difficult children for failure. For kt & wm, goals have to be broken down to smaller time frames or steps.
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is the principal???!!!

    Wow - he sure was not thinking.

    I am sorry your difficult child will have to endure the disappointment. Like our kids need more of that!
  10. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I don't understand how so many school staff people just don't get it.
    What a dissappointment difficult child will have to face. I feel so bad for him.
    The kids have enough to deal with. I would speak to the principal.
    explain exactly what this comment has done. I would tell the principal
    to have a chat with difficult child.
  11. VidQueen

    VidQueen ...or Jennifer

    It sounds to me like the principal is just embarrassingly uneducated about the students in his own school. I've found, time and time again, that I get better results with honey rather than vinegar:

    If it was me, I would send a very polite email to the Principal, restating all of the verifiably diagnosed conditions your child has. I would empathetically say that it is VERY hard for people who don't have children of their own with these disorders to understand why you can't use the same tactics on these children as you do other children. I would fully explain exactly the way you did in your first post...his actions (most likely due to pure ignorance) will actually cause the behavior that is keeping the child from going Mainstream.

    I would then give the principal some links to help him better understand how his actions actually make the situation worse.

    Spin it. Make it look like you're trying to help him.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Were you able to speak to the principal yet? I hope that he can learn from this mistake. I find many people at our schools to be embarrassingly uneducated about the problems our kids face, and teh consequences of statements like the one the principal made.

    I hope, somehow, your difficult child isn't set up to fail and then end up at home abusing you. Please remember you can call 911 if one of your kids is raging and comes after you. I worry about you.
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This would really make me angry!:angry-very: What he did was so wrong-yep you definitely need to talk to the principal!
  14. BestICan

    BestICan This community rocks.

    Just a thought...have you actually gotten confirmation from an adult that the principal said this? Is it possible that difficult child misunderstood, or heard what he wanted to hear? Before you go in and tear the principal a new one, you might want to get confirmation that he actually said that. If he did, then tear away!
  15. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I must admit that my momma bear emerged big time on this and I was getting ready to join the war path. Then I started thinking like Best I Can.

    "Mr. Principal, I am very concerned about something difficult child told me following your talk with him on Friday. It is his understanding that you told him that if he is good for 4 weeks straight that you would put him into the mainstream 6th grade class. I just can't believe that you would make a decision like that without discussing it with me. difficult child must have misunderstood you and we need to figure out how to explain it to him."

    "I do understand why difficult child is disappointed in the lack of 6th grade priviledges but telling him that if he can be good for 4 weeks straight puts too much stress on him. It is wrong to use that to make him behave. He must learn to behave for the correct reasons, not just to get a reward. It sets him up for failure."

    "If that is what you said, that is like brushing him off. We don't help kids set goals that we know they can not meet. You need to talk to him again and tell him that that will not work."

    "What exactly were you trying to tell difficult child? I would like you to meet with him again and explain that he misunderstood you."

    "Any goals should be discussed with his teacher and me before presenting it to difficult child. He reacts so differently than most kids that if you can get varios inputs before presenting it to difficult child, we will most likely avoid this in the future."