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Progress-- but slow going
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<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 690113" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>Thanks everyone! Yes, I am so glad son is doing better. One day at a time.</p><p>There are slips, but not with drugs, just so far with addict thinking type stuff. I keep reminding him his thinking will get better and more clear after a year or so of continued sobriety. he catches himself now when he is slipping which is good. He's forward moving, which is all I can ask of him right now.</p><p></p><p>I mean I know court is the most important for custody, but baby is still only 5 weeks old...it's going to take me a little time to get the paternity established then court in rolling motion. <em>Paternity comes first, and yep in michigan a signed and notarized Affadavit of Parentage is enough and recognized as just fine to establish parentage...to then start custody motions.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>girlfriend, she DID sign and we did get her part notarized. Now it's son's turn which we have to wait until he can get a day pass next week. </em></p><p></p><p>Yep, she was a popular girl and still is with other men. Slutty, even though I hate this word. Son is whipped and is convinced baby is his...and, well, she does look just like his baby picture... I'm inclined to emotionally support this if it's what he wants, so long as he stays sober. Even if that means he forfeits his right to legal DNA after signing the affidavit of parentage...<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> Of course legal DNA is what I initially wanted, but it's his choice...although, I am also inclined to believe grand baby is son's baby. Once this A of P is signed and submitted and done, never again in Michigan can Son ever say this baby is not his---this form DOES hold up in our court of law for everything for filing motions for custody to child support...although we can do DNA all day long, it'll never mean a thing again other than a positive or negative parentage answer. His choice. </p><p></p><p>Side note: I am having a DNA done when son gets out or as soon as I have the baby in my care for a day or two alone...hopefully soon. Just for good measure and to tell ME whether or not I need to fight so hard...</p><p></p><p>I am trying to do some of this on my own sans attorney due to costs and other pending many expenses at the moment AND not wanting to pay for what Son should be paying for himself...his side of things...(filing for grandparent rights in Michigan is doable for most people, not expensive to just do on your own once parentage is established---mostly only filing fees if all goes well)..., and baby isn't even 6 weeks old yet...slow going for some of these reasons... and for now I feel she is safe...not bc of mother so much, but bc gfs sister is helping do most the care (degree in child development and I feel trustworthy). </p><p></p><p>I did see baby Sunday as planned. Seems ok, but some verbal arguing between girlfriend and her own mother around baby, according the GFs dad. It's Not enough bad-unfit parenting for me to get custody. See, yet another facet of this whole ordeal is the sister lives there helping too, it's NOT like I can go in and prove unfit mother hood, etc...they would have me and CPS hoodwinked before it even got started...if that makes sense. No proof means no case really, and at least one adult(the sister who will totally cover for girlfriend) over there will put a stop to me trying to take custody. The timing isn't on my side at the moment, so just laying parentage ground work first... doing what I can...and with the baby being only 5 weeks old, there is no established CPS case/cases or anything YET. Unfortunately, my and her dad's word isn't worth anything yet.</p><p></p><p>Some things are better in Michigan, as far as going about dad's getting equal parenting time and/or custody, but I know from professional experience and knowing many people working in this state with and for CPS, I don't have a chance in hell right yet of personally getting custody, not even temporary...and for me to get girlfriend riled up this early on would not be in my best interest or the baby's.</p><p></p><p>Not worried about her leaving state, as she has literally zero money. All she has is a list of loser bum men she talks to who might buy her something here or there small...</p><p></p><p>I am going back there this Thursday for a day visit, and I feel by next week I will have them (the sister, mother, gfs mother) softened up enough to just bring baby home with me at least a few days next week. girlfriend is a lot for the whole family over there to take, and I am seeing that they are all about ready for a break. I am laying the ground work as though I am an ally who wants to be there to help and be a part of my grand daughters life, in a big way...not to harm or prove mother unfit... I really would like to see girlfriend/baby mama get help and medications and therapy.... and I mean stay in it, not lie and give up so easily...her dad put the ultimatum down, girlfriend is now on xanax, the wrong medication, albeit, but a medication to help keep her calm. Next we are working on her getting into therapy asap.</p><p></p><p>Anyway...here's where we are today..GFs dad is also still on my side....he hung out in the living room with me and the baby and my youngest son for a few hours discussing what needs to be done(I should say here that I have known the dad for years, as I went to school with him back in the day)...it was a rather awkward visit, as the GFs mother "hid" in another room, but I am guessing it's bc I told her before hand, any attempt at "dysfunction" or arguing or chaos in my presence might lead me to call CPS..long story here...this is a mixed up mess, but forward moving we go....</p><p></p><p>I know court is most likely in our very near future, but first things first--Paternity established. I also know the GFs sister is about to make a move...for guardianship. at least I think she was considering per the dad, but in MIchigan my son has more rights than in other states, as do I...the lawyer will be put off until it's necessary, and if sister makes this move I will need to seek counsel as I cannot figure that out on my own. Most paper work, motions to file, etc I can figure out...as long as the sister keeps her nose out of it, and frankly she's as broke as the rest of the tribe so I think just her knowing I will make her pay every last penny she has..., if she attempts this and I think and hope that will back her down.</p><p></p><p>***son is doing daily video visits with his baby...he made baby laugh yesterday, I think the first laughing noise....so cute and happy he has this technology to let his baby see his face and hear his voice***and happy girlfriend is allowing this to take place. But in a way, son is now placating her...being very friendly although sending wrong message but he feels he has to so he can see his baby for now...and right now this is all he has...I am grateful he has this little opportunity for him today.</p><p></p><p>Hope this isn't too rambly, it's long, but I have been super busy and not alot of time and this is a very nice outlet for parents and "grammas". lol Thanks again all for listening. Been a very long road, but I can see some light at the end of the tunnel for now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 690113, member: 20063"] Thanks everyone! Yes, I am so glad son is doing better. One day at a time. There are slips, but not with drugs, just so far with addict thinking type stuff. I keep reminding him his thinking will get better and more clear after a year or so of continued sobriety. he catches himself now when he is slipping which is good. He's forward moving, which is all I can ask of him right now. I mean I know court is the most important for custody, but baby is still only 5 weeks old...it's going to take me a little time to get the paternity established then court in rolling motion. [I]Paternity comes first, and yep in michigan a signed and notarized Affadavit of Parentage is enough and recognized as just fine to establish parentage...to then start custody motions. girlfriend, she DID sign and we did get her part notarized. Now it's son's turn which we have to wait until he can get a day pass next week. [/I] Yep, she was a popular girl and still is with other men. Slutty, even though I hate this word. Son is whipped and is convinced baby is his...and, well, she does look just like his baby picture... I'm inclined to emotionally support this if it's what he wants, so long as he stays sober. Even if that means he forfeits his right to legal DNA after signing the affidavit of parentage...:( Of course legal DNA is what I initially wanted, but it's his choice...although, I am also inclined to believe grand baby is son's baby. Once this A of P is signed and submitted and done, never again in Michigan can Son ever say this baby is not his---this form DOES hold up in our court of law for everything for filing motions for custody to child support...although we can do DNA all day long, it'll never mean a thing again other than a positive or negative parentage answer. His choice. Side note: I am having a DNA done when son gets out or as soon as I have the baby in my care for a day or two alone...hopefully soon. Just for good measure and to tell ME whether or not I need to fight so hard... I am trying to do some of this on my own sans attorney due to costs and other pending many expenses at the moment AND not wanting to pay for what Son should be paying for himself...his side of things...(filing for grandparent rights in Michigan is doable for most people, not expensive to just do on your own once parentage is established---mostly only filing fees if all goes well)..., and baby isn't even 6 weeks old yet...slow going for some of these reasons... and for now I feel she is safe...not bc of mother so much, but bc gfs sister is helping do most the care (degree in child development and I feel trustworthy). I did see baby Sunday as planned. Seems ok, but some verbal arguing between girlfriend and her own mother around baby, according the GFs dad. It's Not enough bad-unfit parenting for me to get custody. See, yet another facet of this whole ordeal is the sister lives there helping too, it's NOT like I can go in and prove unfit mother hood, etc...they would have me and CPS hoodwinked before it even got started...if that makes sense. No proof means no case really, and at least one adult(the sister who will totally cover for girlfriend) over there will put a stop to me trying to take custody. The timing isn't on my side at the moment, so just laying parentage ground work first... doing what I can...and with the baby being only 5 weeks old, there is no established CPS case/cases or anything YET. Unfortunately, my and her dad's word isn't worth anything yet. Some things are better in Michigan, as far as going about dad's getting equal parenting time and/or custody, but I know from professional experience and knowing many people working in this state with and for CPS, I don't have a chance in hell right yet of personally getting custody, not even temporary...and for me to get girlfriend riled up this early on would not be in my best interest or the baby's. Not worried about her leaving state, as she has literally zero money. All she has is a list of loser bum men she talks to who might buy her something here or there small... I am going back there this Thursday for a day visit, and I feel by next week I will have them (the sister, mother, gfs mother) softened up enough to just bring baby home with me at least a few days next week. girlfriend is a lot for the whole family over there to take, and I am seeing that they are all about ready for a break. I am laying the ground work as though I am an ally who wants to be there to help and be a part of my grand daughters life, in a big way...not to harm or prove mother unfit... I really would like to see girlfriend/baby mama get help and medications and therapy.... and I mean stay in it, not lie and give up so easily...her dad put the ultimatum down, girlfriend is now on xanax, the wrong medication, albeit, but a medication to help keep her calm. Next we are working on her getting into therapy asap. Anyway...here's where we are today..GFs dad is also still on my side....he hung out in the living room with me and the baby and my youngest son for a few hours discussing what needs to be done(I should say here that I have known the dad for years, as I went to school with him back in the day)...it was a rather awkward visit, as the GFs mother "hid" in another room, but I am guessing it's bc I told her before hand, any attempt at "dysfunction" or arguing or chaos in my presence might lead me to call CPS..long story here...this is a mixed up mess, but forward moving we go.... I know court is most likely in our very near future, but first things first--Paternity established. I also know the GFs sister is about to make a move...for guardianship. at least I think she was considering per the dad, but in MIchigan my son has more rights than in other states, as do I...the lawyer will be put off until it's necessary, and if sister makes this move I will need to seek counsel as I cannot figure that out on my own. Most paper work, motions to file, etc I can figure out...as long as the sister keeps her nose out of it, and frankly she's as broke as the rest of the tribe so I think just her knowing I will make her pay every last penny she has..., if she attempts this and I think and hope that will back her down. ***son is doing daily video visits with his baby...he made baby laugh yesterday, I think the first laughing noise....so cute and happy he has this technology to let his baby see his face and hear his voice***and happy girlfriend is allowing this to take place. But in a way, son is now placating her...being very friendly although sending wrong message but he feels he has to so he can see his baby for now...and right now this is all he has...I am grateful he has this little opportunity for him today. Hope this isn't too rambly, it's long, but I have been super busy and not alot of time and this is a very nice outlet for parents and "grammas". lol Thanks again all for listening. Been a very long road, but I can see some light at the end of the tunnel for now. [/QUOTE]
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