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psychiatrist appointment undie resolution
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 184282" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Terry, I'm sorry you had such a rough time. Your description of difficult child having a good appetite to eat, then complaining of feeling sick and having a headache and sore stomach - I think it's highly likely he was telling the truth. This is EXACTLY what we would go through with difficult child 3, over and over. He would be feeling too sick to go to school, but as soon as we made the call to keep him home he would be hungry. I'd mention school - he'd feel sick. </p><p></p><p>The difference is, I was fairly sure difficult child 3 was not lying. That was my premise. But it was puzzling. And for me at that time, it was also possible that difficult child 3 was developing a conditioned response with school avoidance, so I made sure there was no positive payoff for being home from school - difficult child 3 had to do schoolwork, even if he was really sick. This was to prevent the attractiveness of not being at school.</p><p></p><p>Complicating our picture - difficult child 3 WANTED to go to school, but didn't want to be sick because kids would make fun of him if he threw up at school. His teacher was insistent that difficult child 3 had something physically wrong, and that all the doctors were idiots when they said it was anxiety.</p><p></p><p>So difficult child 3 was tested exhaustively for most of the school year, missing about 6 months in total. The pattern would be - I'd send him to school, he would immediately claim to feel sick and at school would generally throw up, often several times. The teacher said his face would change colour. But his aide also said he seemed to be trying to throw up.</p><p></p><p>The pattern at home - I remember towards the end of the summer holidays difficult child 3 said to me, "I'm going to walk away from any bullies this year, I won't let them get to me." Within half an hour he had nausea.</p><p></p><p>That was when it became clear, with no doubt, that this was purely anxiety, but anxiety so severe that he was physically ill.</p><p></p><p>Since pulling him out of school difficult child 3 is much less anxious. For difficult child 3, school was a major reason for his anxiety. But he will get anxious in other situations. For example, on holidays in New Zealand last year, he had been worrying for months about us holidaying in a country which was so volcanically active. I made a point of telling him we would not stay overnight in Rotarua. Little did I know that we actually stayed overnight in a town which was even more volcanically active!</p><p>The day we visited Rotarua, difficult child 3 was listless, pale, and feeling nauseous. The smell of sulphur was faint but evident. It wasn't unpleasant at all. But difficult child 3 was really feeling sick. He was interested in what we were looking at, but very difficult and clingy. I encouraged him to do his breathing exercises and reminded him that he was feeling sick because he was anxious. He said several times, "This is not anxiety, Mum. I'm really sick, something is really wrong. I wish you would believe me!"</p><p></p><p>Next day we were away from Rotarua and he was better. He insisted he must have had a virus. He just couldn't believe that anxiety could cause such severe symptoms.</p><p></p><p>Since then we've talked about it more and I think he now understands the connection. But it's taken a lot of work with him as well as constant work on his breathing exercises to reduce his anxiety.</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child was in a very tight spot - you were taking him to the doctor, plus the evidence of his recent (and fairly major) crimes. He was going to be exposed, talked about, talked to, analysed, criticised, and he was, frankly, packing it. It would take a lot less than that to have difficult child 3 throwing up. And yet - difficult child 3 has ALWAYS been able to eat, even when feeling sick. In Rotarua, he ate a big lunch despite the smell of sulphur reminding him of the town's volcanic basis.</p><p></p><p>The way your difficult child glared at you at the doctor's - in his mind, you had treated him callously by dragging him out when he felt so sick. I don't think he was faking. (And of course, you did what you had to do, and what I have done under similar circumstances).</p><p></p><p>You said about the doctor, "He said he disagrees that difficult child has a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) because the P means Pervasive, as in, never gets better. Over the yrs, it's clear that difficult child has made huge improvements. He's just very delalyed and very slow. But he has done it."</p><p></p><p>From my experience, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids ADAPT. They learn (as we all do) and work out how to function at their best. This isn't always as good as we'd sometimes wish, but then - sometimes it is. At the drama class last night one of the other parents said to me, "I see your difficult child 1 doing so well, holding down a job, about to get married, such a charming young man - and I have hope that my son will turn out as good."</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 still needs a lot more support than people realise, but he IS an amazing young man. So is difficult child 3. But it has been quite a struggle at times, still is. I've also had to change my thinking a lot.</p><p></p><p>The year we searched for a cause for his "recurring stomach virus" was a year when I was very confused by events that just didn't seem to make sense. I'm not a stupid person (I don't think) but it took me most of the year to be able to come to any sensible conclusion.</p><p></p><p>With difficult child 3's extreme anxiety, a number of things have helped.</p><p></p><p>1) We've done our best to reduce the causes of his anxiety. </p><p>In your difficult child's case, his own actions are a major factor in his anxiety. Not good, very hard to reduce that without being able to find a way to deal with the root cause. Why is he stealing/hoarding underwear? How can this be prevented? (understanding why would make it easier to "head him off at the pass").</p><p></p><p>2) We've worked with therapist to help difficult child 3 with resources to recognise, and then work on, his own anxiety.</p><p>This needs regular therapy specifically aimed at this.</p><p></p><p>3) Medication has worked for difficult child 1's anxiety but unfortunately, doesn't seem to be an option for difficult child 3.</p><p></p><p>4) Social stories, practice, role play and rehearsal as well as preparing him ahead of time, seem to be doing some good here also.</p><p></p><p>Each year we see big improvements in what difficult child 3 can handle and how he handles it. People come up to us and congratulate us on how far he's progressing, how well he's doing. But a lot of this credit belongs with difficult child 3 - he is adapting. And as he gets confidence in his ability to adapt, the rate of adaptation increases. it snowballs positively.</p><p></p><p>To a lot of people, difficult child 3 seems bright, eccentric maybe but otherwise normal. They haven't seen how far we've come.</p><p></p><p>I hope you can find some ways to help your difficult child, as we've been able to with ours. But all we can ever do, is what we can do. We can't do the impossible. It's just that sometimes we never do know for sure just what is going to be possible.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 184282, member: 1991"] Terry, I'm sorry you had such a rough time. Your description of difficult child having a good appetite to eat, then complaining of feeling sick and having a headache and sore stomach - I think it's highly likely he was telling the truth. This is EXACTLY what we would go through with difficult child 3, over and over. He would be feeling too sick to go to school, but as soon as we made the call to keep him home he would be hungry. I'd mention school - he'd feel sick. The difference is, I was fairly sure difficult child 3 was not lying. That was my premise. But it was puzzling. And for me at that time, it was also possible that difficult child 3 was developing a conditioned response with school avoidance, so I made sure there was no positive payoff for being home from school - difficult child 3 had to do schoolwork, even if he was really sick. This was to prevent the attractiveness of not being at school. Complicating our picture - difficult child 3 WANTED to go to school, but didn't want to be sick because kids would make fun of him if he threw up at school. His teacher was insistent that difficult child 3 had something physically wrong, and that all the doctors were idiots when they said it was anxiety. So difficult child 3 was tested exhaustively for most of the school year, missing about 6 months in total. The pattern would be - I'd send him to school, he would immediately claim to feel sick and at school would generally throw up, often several times. The teacher said his face would change colour. But his aide also said he seemed to be trying to throw up. The pattern at home - I remember towards the end of the summer holidays difficult child 3 said to me, "I'm going to walk away from any bullies this year, I won't let them get to me." Within half an hour he had nausea. That was when it became clear, with no doubt, that this was purely anxiety, but anxiety so severe that he was physically ill. Since pulling him out of school difficult child 3 is much less anxious. For difficult child 3, school was a major reason for his anxiety. But he will get anxious in other situations. For example, on holidays in New Zealand last year, he had been worrying for months about us holidaying in a country which was so volcanically active. I made a point of telling him we would not stay overnight in Rotarua. Little did I know that we actually stayed overnight in a town which was even more volcanically active! The day we visited Rotarua, difficult child 3 was listless, pale, and feeling nauseous. The smell of sulphur was faint but evident. It wasn't unpleasant at all. But difficult child 3 was really feeling sick. He was interested in what we were looking at, but very difficult and clingy. I encouraged him to do his breathing exercises and reminded him that he was feeling sick because he was anxious. He said several times, "This is not anxiety, Mum. I'm really sick, something is really wrong. I wish you would believe me!" Next day we were away from Rotarua and he was better. He insisted he must have had a virus. He just couldn't believe that anxiety could cause such severe symptoms. Since then we've talked about it more and I think he now understands the connection. But it's taken a lot of work with him as well as constant work on his breathing exercises to reduce his anxiety. Your difficult child was in a very tight spot - you were taking him to the doctor, plus the evidence of his recent (and fairly major) crimes. He was going to be exposed, talked about, talked to, analysed, criticised, and he was, frankly, packing it. It would take a lot less than that to have difficult child 3 throwing up. And yet - difficult child 3 has ALWAYS been able to eat, even when feeling sick. In Rotarua, he ate a big lunch despite the smell of sulphur reminding him of the town's volcanic basis. The way your difficult child glared at you at the doctor's - in his mind, you had treated him callously by dragging him out when he felt so sick. I don't think he was faking. (And of course, you did what you had to do, and what I have done under similar circumstances). You said about the doctor, "He said he disagrees that difficult child has a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) because the P means Pervasive, as in, never gets better. Over the yrs, it's clear that difficult child has made huge improvements. He's just very delalyed and very slow. But he has done it." From my experience, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids ADAPT. They learn (as we all do) and work out how to function at their best. This isn't always as good as we'd sometimes wish, but then - sometimes it is. At the drama class last night one of the other parents said to me, "I see your difficult child 1 doing so well, holding down a job, about to get married, such a charming young man - and I have hope that my son will turn out as good." difficult child 1 still needs a lot more support than people realise, but he IS an amazing young man. So is difficult child 3. But it has been quite a struggle at times, still is. I've also had to change my thinking a lot. The year we searched for a cause for his "recurring stomach virus" was a year when I was very confused by events that just didn't seem to make sense. I'm not a stupid person (I don't think) but it took me most of the year to be able to come to any sensible conclusion. With difficult child 3's extreme anxiety, a number of things have helped. 1) We've done our best to reduce the causes of his anxiety. In your difficult child's case, his own actions are a major factor in his anxiety. Not good, very hard to reduce that without being able to find a way to deal with the root cause. Why is he stealing/hoarding underwear? How can this be prevented? (understanding why would make it easier to "head him off at the pass"). 2) We've worked with therapist to help difficult child 3 with resources to recognise, and then work on, his own anxiety. This needs regular therapy specifically aimed at this. 3) Medication has worked for difficult child 1's anxiety but unfortunately, doesn't seem to be an option for difficult child 3. 4) Social stories, practice, role play and rehearsal as well as preparing him ahead of time, seem to be doing some good here also. Each year we see big improvements in what difficult child 3 can handle and how he handles it. People come up to us and congratulate us on how far he's progressing, how well he's doing. But a lot of this credit belongs with difficult child 3 - he is adapting. And as he gets confidence in his ability to adapt, the rate of adaptation increases. it snowballs positively. To a lot of people, difficult child 3 seems bright, eccentric maybe but otherwise normal. They haven't seen how far we've come. I hope you can find some ways to help your difficult child, as we've been able to with ours. But all we can ever do, is what we can do. We can't do the impossible. It's just that sometimes we never do know for sure just what is going to be possible. Marg [/QUOTE]
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