Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Punishment for easy child?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 287139" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You will have to make her get it. If not, she isn't going to. I don't know if she helped out at the friends' home, or if she was a long term pampered guest. If she was a long term pampered guest, then the time away did her no favors.</p><p></p><p>You do her no favors at home by letting her pull this stuff. You may have to be insistent with husband, but if she agreed to these things then you both have to push her to do them. The wheat food should immediately be locked up by YOU. In the trunk of your car if need be. If her frozen food is still in the freezer, throw it away. She had a deadline. She had a warning. It is far more realistic to have her follow the no wheat rule than to have difficult child follow the "leave all the yummy wheat stuff alone" rule simply by virtue of their ages. If you add in the fact that difficult child may likely have had some in utero alcohol exposure which makes learning things VERY difficult, and then the aspergers/ADHD stuff on top of it, well, I wouldn't be fond of an older child tempting difficult child like this. Esp when the result of him not following his diet is physical violence and/or other risky behaviors. (I think that was a big part of the reason, sorry if I remembered incorrectly.)</p><p></p><p>Take the money now. Yank out what you feel is appropriate for the remainder of the summer or year also. Otherwise the money will be gone. Also figure out the cost for unlimited text or whatever if she doesn't have it and add that in. Chances are she will go overboard if she gets mad, so let her get mad but don't punish your budget.</p><p></p><p>Maybe even move the $$ into a separate account so that she can SEE that it is there for future months. Be SURE she cannot transfer the money out. </p><p></p><p>Take the car keys. Don't give them back too easily. If she is going to be out past curfew have the door locked and don't open it a time or two. Or go and strip her room after curfew. She loses whatever you can remove in the time she is gone. I had a very stubborn friend in high school who's mother did this. It was the ONLY thing that got her home. She never knew what her mom would take. And her mom donated it all to a charity. She was working and her mom figured if she wanted to stay out late she could literally pay for it. </p><p></p><p>Laundry, well, don't do hers. Set a specific time that she can use the machines. A set day of the week can work well. If she doesn't have the clothing dried by the time her time is up, put the damp/wet laundry in a basket for her. She can hang it on a clothesline. You can even hang a clothesline in her room - just make sure you anchor it in the wall studs.</p><p></p><p>If her clothing molds or mildews, it must be pitched. She has money and can pay for her own new clothing to replace it.</p><p></p><p>It may be easier to find a cleaning woman to come in every week or two and take the money out ahead of time. Move the money from HER account now, while it is there. Around here it is $40 - $50 for about 4 hours of work. If she doesn't want to do the work she can pay for the cleaning woman. YOU get to decide what the cleaner does, NOT her. I would use it for heavy cleaning and do the picking up, but that is what I have seen work for many people. If she cancels the cleaner, then she MUST do the work OR pay extra for temporary cleaners. The cleaners are doing this for their living, and usually require a commitment. There are services that will do occasional cleaning, just be careful. Some of the franchised maid services limit things like the number of towels or rags a cleaner will use. One national franchise was shown on camera cleaning an entire house from dishes to dusting to floors (NOT in that order) with just 1 or 2 rags. </p><p></p><p>These are just suggestions. I strongly suggest you pick the ones you are ready to stand firm on and do it. If she makes a financial commitment and will not do it, then pawn her stuff. You won't get much. DO NOT redeem the pawn slip. Just give it to her to do. The Love and Logic book on parenting teens is EXCELLENT. I really think it would be a big help to you as you figure out what you want to do and how you want to do it. I am not sure I would do all the things mentioned, but I would have a plan to enforce whatever I chose BEFORE I told her about it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 287139, member: 1233"] You will have to make her get it. If not, she isn't going to. I don't know if she helped out at the friends' home, or if she was a long term pampered guest. If she was a long term pampered guest, then the time away did her no favors. You do her no favors at home by letting her pull this stuff. You may have to be insistent with husband, but if she agreed to these things then you both have to push her to do them. The wheat food should immediately be locked up by YOU. In the trunk of your car if need be. If her frozen food is still in the freezer, throw it away. She had a deadline. She had a warning. It is far more realistic to have her follow the no wheat rule than to have difficult child follow the "leave all the yummy wheat stuff alone" rule simply by virtue of their ages. If you add in the fact that difficult child may likely have had some in utero alcohol exposure which makes learning things VERY difficult, and then the aspergers/ADHD stuff on top of it, well, I wouldn't be fond of an older child tempting difficult child like this. Esp when the result of him not following his diet is physical violence and/or other risky behaviors. (I think that was a big part of the reason, sorry if I remembered incorrectly.) Take the money now. Yank out what you feel is appropriate for the remainder of the summer or year also. Otherwise the money will be gone. Also figure out the cost for unlimited text or whatever if she doesn't have it and add that in. Chances are she will go overboard if she gets mad, so let her get mad but don't punish your budget. Maybe even move the $$ into a separate account so that she can SEE that it is there for future months. Be SURE she cannot transfer the money out. Take the car keys. Don't give them back too easily. If she is going to be out past curfew have the door locked and don't open it a time or two. Or go and strip her room after curfew. She loses whatever you can remove in the time she is gone. I had a very stubborn friend in high school who's mother did this. It was the ONLY thing that got her home. She never knew what her mom would take. And her mom donated it all to a charity. She was working and her mom figured if she wanted to stay out late she could literally pay for it. Laundry, well, don't do hers. Set a specific time that she can use the machines. A set day of the week can work well. If she doesn't have the clothing dried by the time her time is up, put the damp/wet laundry in a basket for her. She can hang it on a clothesline. You can even hang a clothesline in her room - just make sure you anchor it in the wall studs. If her clothing molds or mildews, it must be pitched. She has money and can pay for her own new clothing to replace it. It may be easier to find a cleaning woman to come in every week or two and take the money out ahead of time. Move the money from HER account now, while it is there. Around here it is $40 - $50 for about 4 hours of work. If she doesn't want to do the work she can pay for the cleaning woman. YOU get to decide what the cleaner does, NOT her. I would use it for heavy cleaning and do the picking up, but that is what I have seen work for many people. If she cancels the cleaner, then she MUST do the work OR pay extra for temporary cleaners. The cleaners are doing this for their living, and usually require a commitment. There are services that will do occasional cleaning, just be careful. Some of the franchised maid services limit things like the number of towels or rags a cleaner will use. One national franchise was shown on camera cleaning an entire house from dishes to dusting to floors (NOT in that order) with just 1 or 2 rags. These are just suggestions. I strongly suggest you pick the ones you are ready to stand firm on and do it. If she makes a financial commitment and will not do it, then pawn her stuff. You won't get much. DO NOT redeem the pawn slip. Just give it to her to do. The Love and Logic book on parenting teens is EXCELLENT. I really think it would be a big help to you as you figure out what you want to do and how you want to do it. I am not sure I would do all the things mentioned, but I would have a plan to enforce whatever I chose BEFORE I told her about it. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Punishment for easy child?
Top