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Q is worried about dying
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 523699" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>I have no way of knowing how the conversation originated (and I absolutely don't want to make light of it in any way) but based on too many years parenting I know that sometimes the strain of parenting complex difficult children tends to set parents up for hyper concerns and replies that would not result from parenting a easy child who perhaps used the same words. </p><p></p><p>I'm not sure I can clarify what I mean but I will use a couple of examples. The "slang term" in the late 60's early 70's was "retard". It was never used in reference to a developmentally delayed child or adult. It was used like "don't be a dummy". My first difficult child got kicked out of public school. It was devestating and frightening and shocking etc. etc. A couple of days later I heard two neighbor boys say "don't be a retard" to difficult child. It was like a burning knife plunged into my heart. I took time to calm down and then went to visit the parents with-o difficult child, of course. They were nice people who apologized for their sons term choice...but...they did assure me that although they didn't like it the expression was common for the age group and therefore would indicate that she was an accepted friend. It was a matter of perception.</p><p></p><p>Church was another worry. difficult child didn't just memorized the words. The dramatic words grabbed attention.</p><p>Reference to "the pains of hell" resulted in discussions of pain...no matter how I tried to simplfy the verbage. SO...I suggest thta you be very cautious in reacting to bizarre or dramatic statements because it could be that there is little deep concern below those statements. Does that make sense?? LOL DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 523699, member: 35"] I have no way of knowing how the conversation originated (and I absolutely don't want to make light of it in any way) but based on too many years parenting I know that sometimes the strain of parenting complex difficult children tends to set parents up for hyper concerns and replies that would not result from parenting a easy child who perhaps used the same words. I'm not sure I can clarify what I mean but I will use a couple of examples. The "slang term" in the late 60's early 70's was "retard". It was never used in reference to a developmentally delayed child or adult. It was used like "don't be a dummy". My first difficult child got kicked out of public school. It was devestating and frightening and shocking etc. etc. A couple of days later I heard two neighbor boys say "don't be a retard" to difficult child. It was like a burning knife plunged into my heart. I took time to calm down and then went to visit the parents with-o difficult child, of course. They were nice people who apologized for their sons term choice...but...they did assure me that although they didn't like it the expression was common for the age group and therefore would indicate that she was an accepted friend. It was a matter of perception. Church was another worry. difficult child didn't just memorized the words. The dramatic words grabbed attention. Reference to "the pains of hell" resulted in discussions of pain...no matter how I tried to simplfy the verbage. SO...I suggest thta you be very cautious in reacting to bizarre or dramatic statements because it could be that there is little deep concern below those statements. Does that make sense?? LOL DDD [/QUOTE]
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